[MyBaby'sSmile]

My little guy has a host of food allergies. He is high needs, high spirited and is constantly on the go.

I gave up the daily battle of trying to get him to take a nap at 10 months of age. Even without a daily nap, I drove him around in the car at night for 1 1/2 years to get him to sleep. He is 3 now and sadly we are still having the same issues. It takes 1-2 hours every night to get him to sleep.

My GD question is this. So many things that I have read concerning helping children to go to sleep, (as well as giving children quiet spaces when they are upset) say that I should be doing our nightly routine, and then in some form, kiss him goodnight and then going out for a very short period of time. Returning and doing this over and over again to reassure him. I cannot get my child to stay in his bed. The moment I take a step away from the bed he is jumping out and at my heels.

The same thing happens if I try to put him in his room for a quiet time. I state what is happening. For example today he started to scream and hit me when I asked him to stop throwing his books and we would clean them up together. We were in his room and so I said "I see that you are upset that mama would not allow you to throw the books, but books are for reading and we need to be gentle with them. And even when you are upset it is not acceptable to hit. When you have stopped screaming and feel better come out to the living room and we will read a book together." He would not stay in his room. He marched out behind me with his arms swinging.

I have tried chairs etc. in another part of the house but he just won't stay. I really hope someone has some tips!

 

[Piglet68]

Well, my DD is three and I don't just say goodnight and leave. And I consider her "easy".

I lie down with her (her bed is attached beside ours) and we nurse for a couple of minutes (this is her only nursing session anymore) and then have "snuggles" until she's asleep. On a few occasions I've told her I had to get up to do something and she was happy to stay in the room and fell asleep. Usually, though, I stay with her until she is asleep. Fortunately, this only takes a short amount of time. We never have battles about bedtime and she usually tells us when she is tired that she wants to go to bed. Just our experiences, trying to let you know that I don't think this aspect of your child's behaviour is unusual, abnormal, or a concern for worry. And it sounds like you've already figured out that leaving him when he's not ready for you to leave makes it all worse.

As for the book incident, I know you are probably paraphrasing here, but what you wrote is an awful lot of verbiage, even for a 3 year old. If my DD were throwing books around (like, deliberately, not just pulling them off the shelves to find one she wants, kwim?) then I would tell her "books are not for throwing...do you want to throw something? we can go throw some balls..." if she said yes then I'd say "okay, before we get the balls let's pick up these books" (we have a rule in our house about putting things away before starting new activities). If she helped me great, if she didn't I would say "DD come and help me pick up the books" (in a "hey, lets do this together" type of tone) while beginning the task myself. And if she still didn't help I would say "we have a rule about cleaning up, remember? next time I would like you to help me". Not in a mean voice, just in a normal voice. But honestly, it's rare that she doesn't help. Now, if she didn't respond to my redirecting, I'd repeat that books are not for throwing, and ask her if there was something else she would like to do, maybe give her some suggestions. If she still couldn't give it up and started to tantrum I'd assume she is overtired, etc and just give her hugs and cuddles.

My DD isn't a big hitter, but if she did hit me I would gently stop her and remind her "we don't hit people" or "it's not okay to hit". Again, keep it simple.

The point is I try to keep things neutral. And I don't use punishment. I think your son is perceiving the "quiet time" etc as punishments and, as any normal human being will do, he is fighting them. It's a power struggle and obviously your persistent little boy is not going to give up easily.

So don't engage in them. Also, isolation (from you) is not the sort of weapon one wants to yield, since it pits their attachment to you against them, kwim?

Anyways, these are just suggestions...hope it gives some ideas.