[mama40]

so a friend directs me to stbx's yahoo personal profile...and yep, there it is, just weeks after he fell apart laughing at the idea of seeing anyone again anytime soon. And, totally grody, the photo shows him in my living room. My childhood rocking horse is in the background. Ew, ew, ew. My favorite part? His firm assertion that he doesn't want to be in a relation to fix or save someone else. "That's your job," he says. Sure, along with nursing him through his various depression/anxiety episodes, taking care of his finances, creating a social life for him, not being too successful & leaving him feeling inadequate, etc.

The wave of nausea has passed, and I can almost wish him well on his continued loony escapades. I'd ask him what his plans are re: waiting to introduce dd to anyone he meets, but there's no point in placing faith in what the guy says.

 

[a_work_in_progress]

Hey, have you ever gone to dontdatehimgirl.com? Heh... it's a fun site.

 

[BelovedK]

You're handling that well, think of the poor girl that answers it. Make sure you stock up on popcorn heheh

 

[cheyennemama]

So BEEN there. My friend found him on match.com within weeks of our split up. The profile was a riot. I wish I copied it! "I'm not complicated", etc. The only truth was something about just wanting to have fun. Gee, wish he told ME that 8 yrs ago!

Oh and speaking of that....I'm so sick of people saying, "Yeah but if you didn't marry x, you wouldn't have your kids." Duh.....I know that. I'm happy I have my kids. I just wish they had a different father!

 

[mama40]

dontdatehimgirl.com is a riot. I love teh internet.

Yeah, because I apparently can't take my own advice, I talked to him tonight about it (not the photo, decided to just leave that alone). Wanted to know what his thoughts were on when he'd introduce dd to a new gf. He was tolerant, but annoyed; basically he hasn't really thought about it, doesn't think it needs thinking about, figured he'd just be "conservative," but hasn't thought about what that might mean. We went around for a little while, too, about the "will you tell me if you're going to introduce her to a serious gf, or are you going to let her be the messenger?" Stbx really didn't see why it might be, you know, less than wonderful to leave a little kid carrying info like that from parent to parent, or why it might be any of my business. Wasn't too hipped on talking about it with the couples counselor, either.

In the end he said he was frustrated by how complicated I make everything.

Yep, that's what I do, I take that simple kid's-life thing and make it complex.

Things were reasonably calm when he left.

 

[mama40]

Ha, oh, and Kelly, I already feel sorry for the poor woman. But I mean you never know. Somewhere out there, there may be a quiet, happy-to-sit-a-lot, caretaking woman who wants very little from him and is willing to put up with unending potty humor and puns. And his bouts of paralyzing depression. And his family. I mean there's a lot of good in the man, and if she can take all the rest, she may have just the fella she's after.

 

[tanyam926]

I found my stbx's profile on yahoo also. It was sickeningly hilarious. Since I had his email password I was able to edit the part that said "My marriage ended because I am a spontaneous person" to instead say "My marriage ended because I cheated on my wife and ran out on my kids". Ha Ha! He just fixed it when he found out but didn't say anything to me!

It made me sick that he was already looking for someone not even a month after we split up. What a dog. And of course my stbx also pulls that indignant it's none of your business speech. Good luck, I know I need it.

 

[Jilian]

Isn't it disturbing?! I remember logging into my ex's e-mail account very shortly after we seperated and finding he had an account with adult friend finder

His profile had a picture of him without a shirt and his ad talked about how he wanted to "have fun with a cute blonde hottie" He wanted a girl "who loved to have sex" But he forgot to mention the part where he wanted a girl who loved to be controlled and talked to like she was sh** I wish I had thought of logging in and changing his ad, but I didn't. Instead I printed his ad out with all of the explicit things he wrote in it (including a detailed description of his penis) and I keep it in my divorce file. I also printed out his e-mail correspondence with the women from this site.

Tanyam, I laughed out loud after reading your post!! How funny!! He must have been shocked!

 

[karen ann]

I know how much that type of thing sucks. I remember after my ex left, I found he'd forgotten to remove his bookmarks and cookies from the computer, including the ones for his "she's-just-a-friend"'s blog and web page. I was a basket case for days afterwards when I realized exactly how dishonest he'd been with me. It was WAY worse than I thought. But it also strengthened my reslove to get the divorce finalized as fast as I could. And the 150+ pages of text and photos she put on the web detailing their affair (it started more than a year before he left) made the judge even less sympathetic to ex's "poor me" act.

 

[a_work_in_progress]

I'm sorry, but I'm horrified that any of you would illegally gain entry into your ex's private accounts. Both my ex fiance AND my ex husband's girlfriend have been attempting to do this to find out about my current relationship. I haven't been with my ex husband in almost 2 years, and I haven't been with (or even spoken with) my ex fiance in over 7 months. Yet they still repeatedly either attempt (on ex fiance's part), or successfully gain entry (ex husband's girlfriend) into my private accounts.

Just yesterday, I had to gather evidence to use against my ex fiance in this stalking case, including his logged IP address from his attempts at breaking into my accounts. I will be using this against him, and he's in A LOT of trouble. I'm also using ex husband's girlfriends illegal entry into my accounts against them in the custody dispute, which is definately working in my favor.

At the end of my relationship with my ex fiance, just before I left him, I suspected he was browsing online personal ads for sex. So, to catch him in the act, I created my own personals profile. Two days later, he contacted me on it. He was BUSTED!!! I knew it was over, but things really came to a head before we split up, and I haven't looked back.

I know my ex husband has gone on personals sites when we split up. He told me about it. But, I never searched for it, and I wished him well. He even told me about going out on a date with this woman from the site. I've gone on those sites, too, which is how I got back in touch with the man who I've been seeing (and am now pregnant by).

Please, don't do anything illegal. I know you're angry, you don't want anybody else to be burned, etc. My ex fiance cheated on me, and my ex husband was unsupportive of my efforts to better myself (a nice way of saying he sabotaged every attempt I made to better our situation) and throughout my illness. For the cheater, I put him up on Don't Date Him Girl. For the unsupportive one, I wish him well, and try not to hold a grudge. He's found somebody he deserves.

 

[mama40]

Hey, just curious -- how did you know he was trying to break into your accounts? I wouldn't actually put it past stbx; he's a huge net security nerd, and actually turned in someone he worked with for snooping email, but I just got a feeling.

 

[a_work_in_progress]

With the ex fiance, his attempt wasn't very bright at all. His IP address was logged, and I was sent an e-mail with his information twice. What's funny is the computer he was using is at the Department of Labor. I was walking downtown that day, and just so happened to see his Jeep parked in front of the building. I looked in the huge window, and saw him sitting on the computer, viewing my site! He was caught IN THE ACT. The next time I got online, I had received the e-mail logging his IP address. The Department of Labor keeps a log of people who sign in to use the computers and such. There's a record of him signing in to use that computer at that particular time, and the IP address of the attempted "hacker" (if you can even call it that) matches the DOL computer that I spotted him at exactly!

With ex husband, his girlfriend is an idiot and publically admitted to it online. I printed up her confession, and showed it to the courts.

I laugh when I talk about their stupidity, because it is very stupid, but it's also scary as hell that there's people that insane out there! It's upsetting that they're so obsessed with me that they try to gain access to my private correspondences.

 

[Jilian]

Quote:

Originally Posted by a_work_in_progress I'm sorry, but I'm horrified that any of you would illegally gain entry into your ex's private accounts.

While ex and I were still together, we used his e-mail account as his business account. I check it daily and responded to all business-related e-mails. When we seperated I continued to handle business-related things for a while, which means I still answered e-mails. He's the moron who used THAT e-mail address for his personal ad site.

I know maybe it's not morally right, but I do occasionally still check ex's business account. He lies about how much he's making and I like to have the correct amounts of his checks to present to the court. I also found out he was planning on trying to take our son out of the state (without permission) by seeing plane tickets charged to his account. I don't feel bad checking his account, we are still legally married so I still legally have access to his info. I could walk into a bank tomorrow and request his bank statements if I wanted to - I just choose to do it this way because it's easier.

 

[tanyam926]

I don't think what I did was illegal because he is the one who gave me his password, and I was allowed to check his email account for legitimate reasons while we were together. It's not my fault he's too dumb to change his password or get a new account. Besides, I haven't done it in awhile because I just don't care anymore. I am glad that I did because I knew the truth and it helped me not get pulled into his "poor me, I miss you guys so much" act. There was never any illegal entry or shady ways of obtaining his password, so I think I'm okay.

 

[karen ann]

I know that nothing I did was illegal. Nothing I used on my computer was password protected. He left these things easy to find on the computer. There was only one user name on the PC. I do not now and did not then know his passwords nor did I ever try to obtain them; he left cookies and stored favorites on our internet explorer. He told me I could keep the computer when he left. The blog and websites he left the links to were not password protected/"friends only" -- nothing I read could not be seen by any stranger who stumbled across it. Much of it was defammatory to me and my family. The judge even told me that had it not been removed, I would have had grounds to sue her. Everything I found was presented in court. My judge is known for being very no-nonsense so if I had done anything even remotely wrong, it would have been tossed out. My lawyer made me go through step-by-step how I found everything before he even would decide whether to bring it to court or not.