oh help. OT wants me to binky-wean DD

736 Views 13 Replies 11 Participants Last post by bobica, Apr 13, 2006

Llyra

Discussion Starter · Apr 12, 2006

and I don't think I can.

This is kinda long, and includes a lot of mama guilt, so please bear with me.

Background: DD uses a pacifier to get to sleep. It's a little preemie pacifier (DD is 19 months.) She has oral sensitivity issues, and oral motor control issues, and she could never tolerate a bigger one. Anyway, she's never slept without it, and she's very dependent on it. Luckily she doesn't use it during the day, only to sleep, or we'd have a much bigger problem.

Anyway, we just started speech therapy and OT, and her OT thinks that the preemie binky is at this point only exacerbating DD's oral and speech problems, and that I should wean her from it. She believes that having it all night is only undoing any work we do in helping DD overcome her problems and learn to talk. I can even kinda agree with this line of thinking. The tiny little binky only requires DD to use the front part of her mouth, and it's a really maladaptive and unnatural way of using her tongue and lips.

I wish I never gave it to her, but at the time I had an infant who wouldn't nurse and didn't like her bottle and desperately wanted to suck but couldn't tolerate any full-size nipple, and I did what I could to cope. I knew it wasn't ideal, but nothing about DD's feeding situation was ever ideal. Nobody can say whether DD's feeding issues were caused by her oral control problems, or whether the oral sensitivity arose because of our struggles to nurse (oral aversion, maybe?) I just know I've been beating myself up for a year and a half over my failure to be able to nurse this baby, and now here I find out I might have inadvertently caused her speech problems, too. I feel like dirt as a mama today.

And traumatizing DD by taking away her binky is only gonna make me feel worse. But I know I have to.

Trouble is, I just don't know how to do it. The therapist suggested controlled crying. Clearly, that is NOT going to happen in my house. But what else can I do? I've always been pretty vocal about letting DD give up the binky when she's good and ready-- posted on her any number of times about it. And now here I find myself having to wean.

Has anyone ever done this, gently and without resorting to CIO? How did you do it? I have time-- nobody's suggesting that we need to do it NOW, just soon. I just don't know where to start. Our bedtime routine works so well, and DD sleeps so well and loves her bed and goes to sleep so easily, and I am dreading the idea of messing with something that works so well. Sleep is the one thing I feel we've handled really well.

Oh, help.

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Twocoolboys

· #2 · Apr 12, 2006

I don't have any experience with this, but had a friend who gradually snipped off the end of the binky her ds used. A little bit every few days until there was nothing left. I don't know what she told him when the nipple was all gone, but I thought that sounded more gentle than the cold turkey method.

Good luck!

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KC in KS

· #3 · Apr 12, 2006

Well, I haven't tried anything like you're proposing, so all I can offer is what I'd do with my own daughter (18 months).

First, I'd start by removing the paci once she's asleep. If she wakes and asks for it, give it back, but then remove it again once she's back asleep. I'm guessing that after a few nights you'll notice she's waking less, and will eventually stop waking for it.

Then I'd start by borrowing some of Elizabeth Pantley's gentle removal techniques. Let her have the paci to settle herself, but remove it *just* before she drops off to sleep. If she wakes, start over. Once she'll tolerate the removal just before she falls asleep, start removing it a minute or so earlier. Again, if she wakes, start over. On and on and on - you get the idea. Eventually, you'll be removing it so early she'll think it's not worth the bother, and quit asking for it.

For the record, this is pretty much how I taught DD to fall asleep without being latched on. The hardest part was patience - I'd get tired of it and let her get a little TOO asleep, you know? I finally found that if I timed it - she could have it for x minutes, then I'd remove it - it helped my patience level. It did eventually work - she'd nurse for a couple of minutes, pop off, and roll herself out of my arms and into bed.

HTH
KC

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alegna

· #4 · Apr 12, 2006

What if, instead of getting rid of it all together, you transitioned her to a bigger (more appropriate) one first? Then maybe she would get some helpful sucking and oral development. Would that be less stressful?

-Angela

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wenat

· #5 · Apr 12, 2006

Neither of my boys liked pacifiers except as toys, but I do have a friend whose daughter was addicted to them.

My friend's mom coated the pacifiers with tiger balm (very yucky chinese medicine) one naptime. Told her that pacifiers taste bad when you get to be a big girl. The little girl tried all three and spat them out. Went home, tried that one (also coated) and spat that out too. That was it for pacifiers for her -- hasn't touched one since. She was about 2.5 at the time.

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Llyra

Discussion Starter · #6 · Apr 12, 2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by alegna
What if, instead of getting rid of it all together, you transitioned her to a bigger (more appropriate) one first? Then maybe she would get some helpful sucking and oral development. Would that be less stressful?

-Angela

That's a really good idea. I was actually just talking to my mom, and she suggested the same thing. She suggested taking DD out shopping and letting her pick out her own "big girl" pacifier, and therefore getting DD involved in the change. The OT's not gonna like it-- she's really anti-pacifier and understandably so, since she works with kids that have swallowing and feeding problems all day. But I'm really anti-take-away-my-kid's comfort objects, too, so something's gotta give somewhere. Anyway, I just worry that then we're gonna get her attached to something else she'll only have to give up later.

This mama thing is HARD...

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alegna

· #7 · Apr 12, 2006

-Angela

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J-Max

· #8 · Apr 12, 2006

A good friend of ours used "The Binki Fairy"

. She really taked it for several weeks before hand, and gave them a date when she would come and take all the binkis and and trade them for cool stuff. (She made sure to spend a few days cleaning the entire house to make sure there were no strays). On the official day, at night all the binkis were put in a basket, and in the morning the basket was filled with special toys and candy. She said they did have a few days of fussy at bed time, but a reminder of what happened and some loves fixed it. She did this when her kids were about 2.5, but it might work for young kids too.

HTH

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USAmma

· #9 · Apr 12, 2006

I totally 100% disagree with your dd's OT. My dd also has severe feeding problems, sensory issues, and reflux. Of all the bad, scary things she has associated with her mouth, her binky has been a positive thing for her. It has helped her to keep up some sucking strength, it has helped her get used to having something in her mouth. It even has helped with her reflux episodes somewhat. She has sensory issues both oral and global and during her worst period it was the only thing that helped her to regulate herself.

At one point I did limit binky use to bedtime and car time because she was starting to use it as an excuse to not eat. She has very little hunger cues anyway and the binky was not helping. But I didn't take it away completely. I think that would be cruel, especially to a child with oral issues.

What you can do is try to get her to switch to another binky. Let her pick one out, and make it the same brand as she currently uses. But don't take it away altogether unless she's ready to part with it.

My dd recently gave up her binkies in exchange for a present. She thinks thats she gave them to other babies and she never expressed a desire to have one after she gave them up. So she was ready. But I would never take a comfort object away cold turkey like that.

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Rainbowbird

· #10 · Apr 12, 2006

I feel for ya, mama.

My DS is 3 and deeply attached to his binkies. He has no oral issues, but his dentist thinks it should go NOW.

We have tried taking it away gradually before, but something always happened that made him really need it (illness, birth of his sister, etc.)

Fortunately, he only uses it for sleeping, too.

The dentist suggested giving them to the Easter Bunny. So I gently suggested this to to DS, explaining that the Easter Bunny would give them to babies who needed them, and leave him a special basket of treats.

He thought this was a good idea for about a day. Then he said to me with a quivering lip, "Easter Bunny gonna take my binkies? Please mama, write him a note and tell him not to take my binkies..."

No amount of comfort or reminders about special treats would appease him. So I assured him that the Easter Bunny would not take his binkies if he didn't want him to.

It took almost two weeks to get him to stop worrying that the Easter Bunny is an evil, conniving creature who steals binkies from young children! And believe me, we made the whole thing sound fun. Shoulda known my DS wouldn't fall for such crap.

So we're in a quandary, too. I just keep hoping he'll quit on his own.

Sorry no advice, just empathy. I'll be reading this thread closely!

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dove

· #11 · Apr 12, 2006

I agree with trying to transition her to a larger bink. I would strongly caution you not to use any type of "flavoring" on the bink to cause an aversion to the bink - I think in her case that could cause even more oral issues and aversions for her. If you ultimately decide to get rid of it, I have heard many ppl have success with the snipping method as described by a pp - with really little or no trauma to the child.

eta - the reason I think she shouldn't get totally rid of the bink is b/c she is dependent on it for most of her oral comfort, it seems, and if you take it, she will probably just seek out something else instead (thumb, another item, etc...). She is still very young to have all oral comfort removed.

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TortelliniMama

· #12 · Apr 12, 2006

I agree with the idea of replacing it with another comfort sucking object that would be better for her oral development. The OTs that I used to work with were really good at finding ways to give the kids the sensory input they needed, and that included things like necklaces of tubing to chew on and such. I'm really surprised that your OT wanted to just cut it out entirely rather than replacing the pacifier with something else that would satisfy your dd's need without causing additional oral motor issues. The OTs I knew were very developmentally sensitive and big on respecting and fulfilling kids' needs.

And please try to be gentle with yourself. Yes, if you had had foreknowledge that the pacifier could worsen her oral motor issues, you could have avoided giving it to her. But what if that had led to other problems due to not having that outlet for sucking? So it's like you're being hard on yourself for not being psychic about this, but if you had been, the whole situation could be even worse. You have a little girl with some speech and feeding issues, but with a mama who cares for her so much and does the best possible to provide for her needs in a sensitive and responsive way. That outweighs her issues by so, *so* much!

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Llyra

Discussion Starter · #13 · Apr 12, 2006

Thank you for the support, mamas. I'm gonna think it over before I do anything about it. I tried putting DD in her bed last night without her binky, and she was actually okay for about ten minutes and then she sat up and started making her "binky" sign-- she taps her lips-- and I gave it to her. She was looking all over the bed for it and looked so sad.

We have next week off from OT because we're going on vacation, so we're going to relax and enjoy life and not worry about it, and I'll figure out what I want to do before I see the OT next. I'm pretty sure I'm going to try transitioning to a larger, more "correct" binky.

On a brighter note, DD and I had a great day today, after a long string of really discouraging ones. A lot of skills, like blowing bubbles, chewing, and lip sounds like B and P, are starting to come together for her, and I feel so much better now that I can see progress.

Anyways, thank you for the supportive posts. It's so nice to have MDC to go to, because everybody IRL (except my mom-- she's great) is like, "oh, well you should have gotten rid of it long ago anyway."

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bobica

· #14 · Apr 13, 2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by USAmma
I totally 100% disagree with your dd's OT. My dd also has severe feeding problems, sensory issues, and reflux. Of all the bad, scary things she has associated with her mouth, her binky has been a positive thing for her. It has helped her to keep up some sucking strength, it has helped her get used to having something in her mouth. It even has helped with her reflux episodes somewhat. She has sensory issues both oral and global and during her worst period it was the only thing that helped her to regulate herself.
.

I'm totally with this point of view. I'm a little surprised that the OT is involved in this aspect- seems more like the ST's domain, but i may be a bit biased.

However, coming from that perspective, having a binky at 19 months of age is totally within reason. if she needs it for comfort, then she needs it for comfort! the therapist is there to help your daughter progress, but not dictate. it's a process and a partnership.

as a ST, i've seen lots of things- a 5 year old with developmental issues whose only source of nutrition was a bottle with a big hole cut in the nipple b/c that's "what he would take." clearly time for intervention. your dd is still a baby & doesn't plug in during the day.

personally, i'd tell the OT that it's an interesting theory but not one i'm interested in pursuing at this time. maybe when she's 2 1/2 or 3, but not now.

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