So here's the background info:
This is my 5th baby, but my first attempt at homebirth. I have a history of pre-eclampsia. My first two children were preemies due to PE. Then I did a bunch of research and had a bunch of testing done, did a lot of things differently, and went on to have 2 more babies who were born full-term with NO pre-eclampsia, just a touch of high BP in the last few weeks of pg, which was controlled by meds.
When I got pg this time around, I was good friends with a wonderful group of hb mamas who encouraged me to at least contact a few hb mw and see if I might be a candidate. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?
I talked to a few, and found a wonderful hb mw here in town and have been seeing her throughout my pg, along with monthly visits to a backup OB (recommended by my mw), so if/when I developed high BP again, I would have someone to prescribe me meds in the final weeks of pg.
Okay, so much for background. Here's what's going on now:
2 wks. ago, at around 30 wks., my BP started to go up and my ankles/hands started to swell. I had an appt. with my mw, we discussed what was going on and how it wasn't unexpected, and made a few decisions about how to proceed:
1. I would call up my backup OB and go on BP meds.
2. I would start seeing an acupuncturist and get regular prenatal massage.
3. I would increase my protein intake and drink more of my special pg tea (mw is a registered herbalist and made a blend just for my particular pg conditions.)
4. If I got to 36 wks. without developing any further symptoms and got the BP under control with meds, my homebirth could still proceed as planned. At 37 wks., she could even help "induce" me, if necessary (note: both of my full-term babies were born at exactly 37 wks. all on their own, so induction isn't likely necessary; my body just doesn't seem to cook babies until 40 wks.)
So I proceeded with the new game plan. Went on meds. Went to be poked at the acupuncturist
. Got kneaded by the masseuse. Drank nasty protein shakes and almost equally nasty cups of tea, lol.
I'm now almost 33 wks. and still hanging on!
I've had to up my BP meds twice now to keep my numbers at around 140/90 or less, the acupuncture isn't doing anything, but the massage is heavenly. Still wishing I could lose my tastebuds when drinking protein shakes and tea
. The swelling is largely gone, except for when I spend a long amount of time on my feet, then I get elephant ankles. I have no other symptoms. Baby Sophie is growing right on schedule and very active, doing great.
So why am I bummed out, you might ask? Because at my mw appt. this past week, she began hemming and hawing a bit regarding my birth plans. Now she says she really would prefer me to be at least 37 wks. along, not 36. And, oh, by the way, what does my BP usually run during labor? Because she now wants it to be in a certain range while I'm laboring, or she doesn't think it would be a good idea to hb. Although I really don't know what she expects, b/c if I'm in full-blown active labor, transition, or actually pushing and she decides my BP is too high, it's not like I'm going to be up for transporting THEN!
Okay, now I am NOT a very risk-taking kind of mama, especially when it comes to my health and that of my baby, but I'm also starting to feel like I'm being judged and found guilty before I've committed a crime!
The vibe I'm getting from her is that, while in THEORY, she was comfortable having me as a client, when faced with the REALITY of my situation, she's getting uncomfy. And instead of coming right out and saying, "I don't think you should have a hb," she's starting to place all these conditions on the hb, slowly making it impossible for me to fulfill them. I also don't feel that she is being very positive or supportive about my chances of a full-term birth anymore, since she has started using wording like, "If you get to..." I really don't think she thinks I'll still be pg at 37 wks.
And that's honestly the last thing I need from her right now, when I've got my own worries to deal with -- negativity is so hard to battle when it's coming at you from all sides!
I'm not sure how to proceed at this point. I've dealt with this EXACT same pg complication many times before, and I know how my body acts with it. And I'm doing fine right now health-wise, and really think it's likely I WILL make it to term with no further issues. But even if I do, I no longer have the confidence that I'll be having the hb I wanted. MW has said she will be my doula at the hospital if I have to be induced early, but I don't really feel like she is much of an advocate for me at the moment. Oh, and she won't be giving me any sort of refund if medical issues prevent me from having a hb, which I was fine with when I felt that that would only happen due to TRUE unavoidable medical issues (i.e. developing full-blown PE). Now that I sense her trying to "get out" of the hb, though, I'm not sure how I feel.
Ugh. I hate this!
I've had such a great relationship with her up until this point, and I don't want it to all go south now. Plus, I'm hormonal and anxious and that's not helping me be objective.
I'd love some input. How would you handle a situation like this? Should I just give up on the homebirth idea altogether now, so I won't continue to get my hopes up for something she doesn't intend to follow through with? Should I be blunt with her that I sense her discomfort and want to talk about it? Should I continue to advocate for a hb under the circumstances?
Thanks for listening!