oh mammas..im angry
ok I lurk ALOT...but I need you all tonight..just a quick intro...my h left Jan 4 th and I had NO warning..we were having issues but he never said he was going to leave..he actually promised me he wouldnt...we went to see a therapist 3 days after he left and he said few words then stood up said he wouldnt Fing be back..he is 25 I am 30 and we have 3 kids 4, 1 and 4 months......now we are going through the divorce..we settled Fri, i have temp full custody he gets every other weekend though he wants to stop by 1 time a week to, and I get temp alimony...very little plus child support..I got what I was saking for though he says now he wants to go for joint cust.....so here it is I have good and bad days..well now I am facing the bad..I have been a stay at home mom and now he has stopped paying bills par his attorneys advice..so I am facing rent, utilites etc and No money..I am scared.....i am going to watch my friends child for money but not for a few weeks...and my DD who is 4 is so mad and I sometimes get mad back and I feel like shi*....tonight her dad came over, he tried to take her to the zoo sat but she made it 45 min..and she wanted to be with me....and tonight her dad kept falling asleep while playing with her tonight and she switched between wanting him to go away and stay...soo I had gotten the 2 boys asleep and her and I were going to do massages I rubbed off the lotion on my leg she got mad and started screeming and crying and kicking..I had to hold her and cover her mouth to remo v e her from the room she was so loud....I feel so bad...I feel like I am trying my best....but she still needs discipline...she is angry and saying mean things to me and hurting her brother,,,,but overall I think she is doing very well....do you all feel like you lose it....I want to be so much stronger...I rely on my parents alot nowfor help with money and we stay at their house 1 night a week so I can shower..but my mom says I should not be hard on her.....I am a adult and she is 4..I am so confused on to allow what behaviors from her..and I am also dealing with so much fear and lonliness....oh mammas I am not having a great eve....I know this is long but I need some advice here........
![]()
1 - 7 of 7 Posts
We had some issues around here with hitting and yelling. It was
sometime after dd's father's exit, but with kids you never know
when they will choose to share their emotion. My normally sweet
and gentle gal would just freak, with no rhyme or reason to it. It
would just happen. Twice she slapped me full across the face.
I had to restrain her a couple of times because we were outside
and she tried to run into traffic. During some of these times, either
violent or loud (or both) I would hold dd and tell her over and over
that her emotions are valid but Mama can't help until we calm down.
If there was no calming down then I would ask her if she would
like to scream or hit. If she said yes then I would allow her to
yell or hit the pillow (these worked better if we were at home).
I talk to dd during, and then again later. If during the day I would
talk to her calmly at bedtime. If the freak out was during bedtime
I would talk to her the next day. It took sometime but I feel like
my dd is able to express her emotions healthy now. She hasn't
had a freak out in a LONG time.
Threw my actions I have tried to allow dd to know that she can
express herself, but that yelling at me or hitting is not exceptable.
She knows she wouldn't like being yelled at or hit, and Mama
doesn't either. I have tried to make time for us to talk before bed.
Just letting her talk about what ever she wants.
My dd was four when she started this behavior and she will be
turning 6 in june. So it's been a journey. I try to remind myself
that children many times take out the hard emotions with the
parent that they feel safest with. They know that we will be
there for them in the end. They know there is nothing they can
do that would make us love them less. So many times we have
to take on the crazy emotions that they bottle up in there head.
Emotions that at this age they don't have many words for. So
it can erupt all at once in a rage they don't even understand.
![]()
's to you Mama. It gets better. I swear.
sometime after dd's father's exit, but with kids you never know
when they will choose to share their emotion. My normally sweet
and gentle gal would just freak, with no rhyme or reason to it. It
would just happen. Twice she slapped me full across the face.
I had to restrain her a couple of times because we were outside
and she tried to run into traffic. During some of these times, either
violent or loud (or both) I would hold dd and tell her over and over
that her emotions are valid but Mama can't help until we calm down.
If there was no calming down then I would ask her if she would
like to scream or hit. If she said yes then I would allow her to
yell or hit the pillow (these worked better if we were at home).
I talk to dd during, and then again later. If during the day I would
talk to her calmly at bedtime. If the freak out was during bedtime
I would talk to her the next day. It took sometime but I feel like
my dd is able to express her emotions healthy now. She hasn't
had a freak out in a LONG time.
Threw my actions I have tried to allow dd to know that she can
express herself, but that yelling at me or hitting is not exceptable.
She knows she wouldn't like being yelled at or hit, and Mama
doesn't either. I have tried to make time for us to talk before bed.
Just letting her talk about what ever she wants.
My dd was four when she started this behavior and she will be
turning 6 in june. So it's been a journey. I try to remind myself
that children many times take out the hard emotions with the
parent that they feel safest with. They know that we will be
there for them in the end. They know there is nothing they can
do that would make us love them less. So many times we have
to take on the crazy emotions that they bottle up in there head.
Emotions that at this age they don't have many words for. So
it can erupt all at once in a rage they don't even understand.
Quote:
Me and my kids go to a park, about 1 day a week. I let them pick what ever they want(McDonald's, Wendy's, Taco Bell, or Burger King) and let them choose what ever they want(off the dollar menu
![]()
), sometimes I end up going to three different places. But we go to the park, have a picnic, and spend 2-5 hours at the park. We run, skip, kick ball, what ever the kids want to do. I let them choose what they want to do for the whole day. Sometimes, when money is tight, we make a SPECAIL day, and I let my 3 year old and 4 year old make their own lunchs from what we have around the house. They just love it.
Originally Posted by peacefulmom I TOTALLY AGREE with you I believe you are right......How do you all calm down when you feel your cup is full?????And what are some special things you do with your kiddos to help them feel special???? |
Quote:
Slowing things down is good. Getting outside is good. When my baby was little and would cry, Crying was great. When I couldn't take anymore and was "on egde" and couldn't get my baby to stop crying I would just cry with her. It worked, but I am a VERY EMOTIONAL person. When I was pregnant, I had very bad mood swings. You would just look at me and say Hello and I would burst into tears
![]()
But sometimes after I yell at one of my kids, and calm down I will feel very bad. I have went in there bedroom, (thats where they noramally end up) I go i there lay on the bed and cry to them. One night my daughter asked me why I was crying. I told her it was because I didn't like yelling. She said"oh momma I was the one that wouldn't listen." Well, I started crying even more. And she just gave me the biggest hug, I sat my head in her lap and she just played with my hair. Your kids will be the ones to help you through most of it. I have no friends at all here, just my bf. He helps, but men just don't undertand everything. You can't just come out in the open sometimes with how you feel. My family wouldn't be much help. They always just tell me well, you did this to your self. They're very supporting
![]()
: Ya right. I spend everysec of my day with my kids. It can be tough, but I really believe a 4 year old can know what is going on, and know how to make it better when you are feeling down.
Originally Posted by MsChatsAlot I would try to slow things down. Take a break, get outside, cry, or just release some of my emotions too. Do you have a friend or someone who could come by to help give you a break? Do you have someone who could watch the boys so you could do a fun 20 minute activity or something with your daughter? |
2
1 - 7 of 7 Posts
