[loving-my-babies]

We were at my kids' playgroup, and my ds was wearing an advocacy tee that says "breast is best", and a woman aproached me and said "I'M SORRY BUT YOUR BABY'S SHIRT IS INCREDIBLY INSULTING TO THOSE OF US THAT *COULD NOT* NURSE"
I told her this was a free country and that I would dress my ds is whatever I pleased. geez.. I don't even bother these women, I don't even judge them and tell them what I really think.. *I* keep my mouth shut, why can't they?

 

[Gidget]

I would have said, I am very sorry you were unable to and apparently if you had tried or wanted to then you thought so too, so why now do you want me to not advertise the truth? She sounds like one of those people who go into denial about it after it does not work out for her and her baby for whatever reason.

 

[cinnamonamon]

What Gidget said!

 

[TiredX2]

I would have been so upset!

 

[Camellia]

I am waiting for the day I have an experience like that.

I did meet a woman at the park yesterday who I am still pondering. She seemed very interested in my sling and where my son would be attending school etc... I knew some MDC moms used this particular park alot so I asked her is she posted here. She said "I used to like that magazine until I read a letter to the editor about a woman who thought she should be able to nurse her 7 y/o in the mall."

I just don't get why some peole are so judgemental. She even said to me that she is judegemental and apologized for being so.

I just thought to myself "If you are truly sorry for being judegemental, why not keep it to yourself" She proceeded to try to convince me that it is wrong to nurse a child past 5.

Anyway, I feel for you. Good for you for dressing your child in a non-offensive shirt that advertises the truth without judging others!

 

[Janice in Canada]

Well, I wouldn't put my kid in that shirt, for a couple of reasons:

1. I don't like the phrase "breast is best" I don't think it helps bfing advocacy because it incorrect. Breast is normal, breast is minimum requirements for babies. Saying "breast is best" puts breastfeeding on a pedestal, is optional, is above the call of duty. Many moms are just trying to be "okay" or "good enough". When we say "breast is best", it hardly forces gov'ts or health care systems to HAVE TO provide breastfeeding services - after all - can we REALLY provide the BEST health to everyone??? (I know our gov't can't) - then breastfeeding is a "frill" - nice, if you can afford it.
See
http://www.het.brown.edu/people/kjp/...r_language.htm

2. I understand why bfing moms like these kind of shirts. Bfing moms often are discriminated against, and they are proud of their success in breastfeeding, especially with all the challenges and obstacles to bfing in our current society. they should be proud, they are heroes. Much of their success is due to their personal determination and committment.

But we have to admit that there are many obstacles, and that some women are lesser equiped to overcome them (less education, confidence, support from family or friends, less information or access to information, etc). Everyone's breaking point is different. So some women find that their attempt at bfing ends in failure.

But society never talks about the role of "society" (friends, family,health professionals, employers) play in supporting women to breastfeed. We live in a culture that tells us "you can do anything if you try hard enough". Moms who failed, live in that society, too. Mom who fail, know, in their gut, that they wanted to breastfeed, but they failed, and that they were probably hindered, but they don't know how to resolve all these feelings. So they get mad at t-shirts like this.

We need to help moms like this, think through their anger at the t-shirt, and realize that they need to move their anger towards a society that gives lip-service to breastfeeding support, and demand REAL breastfeeding support and services.

We Women need to get together on this. T-shirts like this, although they feel good to us to wear, will seperate us, and we spend our energy getting mad at the "other" moms (bfing or ffing).

How about "support breastfeeding!" or "have you hugged a breastfeeding mom today?" or "it takes a village to support a breastfeeding mom" I know these aren't catchy, but you get the idea. We need to get together on this, instead of alienating each other.

that's why I kind of don't like the new national Breastfeeding Campaign ads - they place all the responsibility for bfing on the moms, with no mention how friends, family, health professionals, employers can all make bfing very difficult. Of course, anything can be overcome, but come on, we all have a breaking point, and some have less resources to keep up the fight.

 

[Mrs Dimples]

Breast IS best. Everyone knows it. Even the #[email protected]*! formula companies profess to know it. If a mama truly gives it her best and is not able to nurse (and I know that at this time and place in the world, unfortunately, there are more than just physiological reasons that preclude nursing) then she should just know in her heart that she did all she could and it shouldn't bother her. Well, not to the extent that she would be offended at a very positive shirt like that. I long for the day when we can not be so defensive about our choices because we have had access to all the information and support along the way and are confident in our decisions...

 

[annakiss]

I couldn't breastfeed! Many here at MDC know my story, but I'll say it again - my son was born with a severe cleft lip and palate that prevented me from nursing him, even after surgery. I am not offended at the shirt, but I can so relate to what Janice is saying. Do I have to just "know in my heart" that what I did was the best that I could? I pumped milk for my son for 13 months. I was mostly able to feed him exclusively breastmilk, but he did have formula on occasion (I think we went through 3 or 4 cans altogether, which includes the 2 months or so that we added one scoopful to every bottle to help with weight gain for his first surgery). But still, to this day, I mourn that I could not nurse. It tears me up inside to even think about it (especially today, as I am a basketcase today for some reason

) . I am one of those breastfeeding activists, it's true, who really does believe that breast is best, and I missed out on the experience almost completely. Granted, my son got breastmilk for over a year, but that does not detract from my feeling at times like a failure. Not to mention the fact of all the guilt from his having the cleft in the first place. I am having trouble with having a point, but I wanted to raise my hand and say that Janice's argument made a lot of sense from someone with a foot on both sides of the line. Like I said, I would not be offended at the shirt, but the argument against "breast is best" is convincing.

 

[Ravin]

You did the best physically possible and fed your son breastmilk. A little supplementing does not detract from that. Your son received most of the nourishment the first year of his life from what you made in your breasts, not from what was manufactured in a factory from the milk of a cow's udder.

You should be totally proud of that. Anyone who says otherwise needs a T-shirt that says "I'm with Stupid" and an arrow pointing up at their own face.

 

[Mrs Dimples]

Annakiss, I haven't seen you around before (not that I'm an old-timer or anything, lol!) so I'm not sure if you know my story. The short of it is that I was also unable to nurse my son, he is over 9 months and I am still pumping for him.

Believe me, mama, I know how hard it is to be a bf'ing advocate who has to bottlefeed. Truly, I feel your pain. And Janice posted about 5 seconds before I did, and as soon as I read her post I thought, "gee, why does she always say things that are so much smarter than the things I say?" I too feel like I have one foot on either side of the proverbial "fence", but at the same time I have come to a place where, no matter how much I wish things had gone differently, they are what they are and I am at peace that I did the best that I could under the circumstances. We ARE breastfeeding mamas, both of us. While my heart aches every time I see a nursing baby, at the same time I know I did the best I could - so did you - and no one can change that. Breast is best - and normal, and should be expected - and that's what our babies got, the only way we could give it to them.

 

[soccerchic21]

I do see Janices point and I never thought of it that way...however, I do think that that woman had a lot of nerve saying that to you.

But I am so torn now because Breast is Best then should there be small print under that line that says "although if you did try and could not breastfeed this shirt is not meant to offend you"

I want to say that I think that babies the drink extracted breast milk are still breastfed in my mind and a big huge hug and pat on the back to all the moms who pump every day for all of those bottles.

Also, I guess everything we do will offend someone out there.

 

[Janice in Canada]

"Breast is Best" IS a judgement statement. A person doesn't have to SAY anything - the t-shirt did.
I agree that the woman was rude to come attack the wearer of the t-shirt. But wearing a t-shirt is just like speaking out - that's why a person wears it! Its passive-aggresive.

I would prefer those shirts that say "I eat at moms!" or "I'm a breastfed baby!". It still gets the message across, that the wonderful healthy happy baby wearing the t-shirt, is breastfed, and it lets people know that breastfeeding is common and happening. It "normalizes" breastfeeding, rather than using breastfeeding as some factor used to judge parenting or kids.

Actually, ultimately, we wouldn't have breastfeeding t-shirts at all - it would be an non-issue. In cultures where breastfeeding is normal, they would wonder why we even would wear such a thing - it would be like bragging - hey! I walk on my own legs! (rather than use a wheelchair). How silly!

Anyhow, about the formula co's putting "breast is best". Contrary to urban myth, they are not "required" to put that on the cans. (There is the Code, but they ignore everything else about it, so why would they comply with one small part of it?) They put that on the can, because they WANT to, and it helps their marketing. How?

1. It makes them look responsible and breastfeeding-friendly. They can fool people and say - no, we don't want people to NOT breastfeed - look what's written on our cans!

2. I think it actually helps moms who formula feed, feel BETTER about their decision. (yes, I said better!) Who among us would say they are striving to be THE BEST mom. to be truthful, most of us are just trying to be good enough, and we all find it easy to resent the overachiever or "perfect" mom. (the resentment helps us feel better about not doing as well as the overachiever)

3. I think it helps divide women. The more energy we spend feeling bad about not being able to breastfeed our kids, the less energy we have to fight the real enemy - a society who pays lip service to breastfeeding support, and to mothering in general.

Janice

 

[soccerchic21]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janice in Canada "Breast is Best" IS a judgement statement. Janice

I have to disagree I think it is just a proven fact. Yes I do feel very sorry for the women who can't breastfeed but it is still best for babies.

 

[Rach]

In other news, I often get offended by those vulgar nasty slogan shirts men often wear. But I don't harrass them for it.
And when I see "Bush '04" stickers and websites, I get upset because I don't agree, but I don't bother them about it.
My friend has a shirt for her infant daughter that says "They shake me" It's awful, but funny to them and they do put it on her when they go out sometimes. So what?

She should have just asked where she could get a shirt like that, then wrote a letter of complaint to the company, wahm, whatever.

 

[Sustainer]

Would a shirt that says "Eat your broccoli" be an insult to people who are allergic to broccoli?

 

[taz925]

Janice - I totally agree with point #3. BF is just another weapon to use against us. It does divide us into two camps when we shoudl support each other not matter how we feed our kids.

OP - She was rude, she should have kept her mouth shut. If she is feeling guilty, that is her issue not yours.

Doreen

 

[Meiri]

I really like that "It takes a village to support a breastfeeding mom." slogan...

It takes support or stubbornness of awesome proportions, and I too am tired of the entire burden being laid on the moms who are made to feel like they're trying to swim up Niagara Falls.

DD and I both have advocacy t-shirts that have no words, only breastfeeding art.

Maybe I'll add that slogan onto the back of mine....

ETA: Good friend of mine, a neighbor, Couldn't, and she's been nothing but supportive. We met when DD was almost 3 and proceded to ask to nurse while we were visiting for the first time...

If a woman who couldn't is feeling threatened by a t-shirt that states one perspective of reality, then she needs to work on HER issues, another part of the village's work IMO.

 

[Gidget]

Quote:

Originally Posted by soccerchic21 But I am so torn now because Breast is Best then should there be small print under that line that says "although if you did try and could not breastfeed this shirt is not meant to offend you" I want to say that I think that babies the drink extracted breast milk are still breastfed in my mind and a big huge hug and pat on the back to all the moms who pump every day for all of those bottles. Also, I guess everything we do will offend someone out there.

I find it very sad when we are so "PC" as a society that people have to add stupid little disclaimers for thier opinions. ANY opinion.On bf, political stances, anything. Because someone WANTS to take offense.

I wear a shirt that says "there are two ways to feed a baby, the right side and the left side". Yes, I am proud to bf and want people to know. I had alot of struggles along the way with my kids. Supply issues, extrememly sore nipples, working, opposition. And I am proud I overcame it all. Also, I want people to know I bf and hopefully a new bf'er with troubles or pg mom thinking about it will approach me and ask questions or just converse with me over mine and thier experiences.

I guess I must fall into the extreme stubborn category, because I am receiving NO support from my mil, dh, doc or anyone now that he has reached the "magic" 6 months.

 

[bec]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mrs Dimples We ARE breastfeeding mamas, both of us.

Make that three of us! My dd2 has cleft palate (palate only, her lip is fine) and I'm pumping for her as well. There was never a question about whether I would do this or not. I like the distinction between breastfeeding and nursing. I can't nurse my daughter at my breast, but I am absolutely breastfeeding her. I have hopes of nursing her after her repair. I feel like my pumping for Emily has made me even more of a breastfeeding advocate. I appreciate now in a way I couldn't before that there are some situations that can't be overcome, either for nursing or breastfeeding. That is a humbling position to be in.

Annakiss - I read your birth story and thought it was beautiful. I cried. I love how your mom told you about her cleft. It brought the emphasis back to your new babe, rather than on any problem. I wish someone could have done that for us. Emily's cleft wasn't even diagnosed until she was 5 weeks old!

Janice - You make a very interesting point! As usual, you have a very thoughtful and insightful viewpoint. I like the shirts that say "I breastfeed", etc. Although I have many mixed feelings about the new breastfeeding campaign as well, but I do like their slogan, "Babies are born to breastfeed"

In an aside, several years ago, I was reading a website that had a bunch of joke pictures/fake ads. Most of them were in fairly poor taste (although pretty hilarious as well), but the one that struck me as so beautiful and true (although I'm sure they didn't mean it this way) was a picture of a baby opening his mouth wide about to take in a waiting nipple. The caption was "Did you ever think you'd be this happy again?"

Bec

 

[muse]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rach My friend has a shirt for her infant daughter that says "They shake me" It's awful, but funny to them and they do put it on her when they go out sometimes. So what?

They make a Tshirt like this, really???? And someone wants to put it on their baby?????????