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Dh just called. He just received orders for a 365 day non-volunteer tour to Qatar <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> His report date is Sept 1st. We're not sure if he's going to be forced to go or not yet. He's supposed to separate in May 08...so they would either have to force his separation date out or send him home early. We're hoping since he won't voluntarily extend his seperation date that he won't have to go. I'll update when I know more but this really sucks <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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I'm so sorry <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I hope he's able to not have to go!<br><br>
love and peace. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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Oh my God, that's horrible! I'll keep you guys in my prayers for a good outcome! (that he doesn't have to go, or gets sent home early!) <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2">
 

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Ugh. Well he CAN get out of it by signing something saying he is for sure separating and no matter what he won't be allowed to re-enlist. That's great right? Wrong! He's suddenly talking about re-enlisting and doing this tour!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> He just keeps talking about how much money we'll make (which is true, prob bank at least 60K that year on top of his regular pay). Um, hello, I'll be ALONE with a 6 week old and a 3 yr old, what the heck am I supposed to do?? I mean, I would prob move back home to where my parents are and they would help me but it's just not the same. This stinks. It's not worth the money.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Shelsi</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7897378"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Ugh. Well he CAN get out of it by signing something saying he is for sure separating and no matter what he won't be allowed to re-enlist. That's great right? Wrong! He's suddenly talking about re-enlisting and doing this tour!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> He just keeps talking about how much money we'll make (which is true, prob bank at least 60K that year on top of his regular pay). Um, hello, I'll be ALONE with a 6 week old and a 3 yr old, what the heck am I supposed to do?? I mean, I would prob move back home to where my parents are and they would help me but it's just not the same. This stinks. It's not worth the money.</div>
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I agree with you!<br><br>
What are the consequences of re-enlisting? How many years? And what risks? What happens after THIS tour is up?<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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Have you told him that it's not worth the money to you?<br><br>
love and peace. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>luckydog</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7897469"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I agree with you!<br><br>
What are the consequences of re-enlisting? How many years? And what risks? What happens after THIS tour is up?<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"></div>
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Well he'd re-enlist for 4 more years but really we both know that if he re-enlists then he's doing it as career. By the time this enlistment would be up he'd have 10 years in and by that time you sort of figure you might as well do the other 10 and be set for life with retirement and health care benefits.<br><br>
Risks, like personal injury risks, are fairly low since he's AF and therefore doesn't usually get sent to the really dangerous places. He's also intelligence so they tend to keep him back and in an office...I don't think he even really knows how to use a gun lol. I was intelligence as well and I was trained for 4 hours how to shoot an M-16 and never given any further training because they knew I would never use it.<br><br>
After this 1 year tour is up he'd get to choose his base which is pretty cool. We could go anywhere we want in the world and would be there for at least 2-3 years. Also he can't be deployed except under exceptional circumstances for 12 mos after this 1 year tour.<br><br>
I think he's just really scared about getting out. I understand that, I really do. I remember how scary it was for me when I got out and I still had the safety net of him still being in. The plan was for him to go to school when he got out and in 2 years he should have a degree. He's obsessed with money though and he just can't fathom being poor for 2 years while he goes to school. I don't care about money, I never really have. I mean, sure, it's nice to have and if someone is offering I'll take it but I don't *need* it like he does.<br><br>
I know if I put my foot down he'll turn this down. But I don't want him to resent me and if he really does want this then I don't really want to stand in his way. OTOH, I just keep thinking of how I'll have a 6 week old and 3 year old and I'll basically be a single mom. The reason I had to stop bfing ds was because I dried up from stress overnight (from dh's first deployment when ds was 3.5 mos old...dh has never done more than a 3 mos deployment so far and those are hard enough).<br><br>
I guess he has to let them know his decision by Tuesday.
 

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Shelsi, my heart goes out to you! My DH came home last week and announced he was enlisting in the reserves and I had a total freak-out about it. I know you must be more accustomed to and open to his service commitments because you were in the military yourself, but now that you're a mom it's such a different matter.<br><br>
It sounds like it's not just about the money for you, but also about your DH being present and engaged with your family while your children are young. Does DH know this? Sometimes you need to let him see the emotional vulnerability that comes with being a mother, so he can realize what his presence/absence means to his family. That is so much more important and has long-term implications way beyond being "poor" for a couple of years.<br><br>
Good luck!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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My dh is Army Reserve, so we've got the threat of deployment hanging over our heads all the time. He's got 10 years in already and he's going to stay in because of the retirement. If he gets deployed, we'll deal with it. I admit I'd be a lot less stressed out about a year's separation if I knew he was going to be relatively safe.<br><br>
I don't have any great words of wisdom for you. My mom & my MiL both dealt with deployed husbands during Vietnam and we kids seem to have pulled through OK, and so did they. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
Is he using the money as an excuse? You really need to have a nice long talk about what it means to both of you now and for the long term.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> That sucks. Just what you need when the pregnancy hormones can make the littlest things seem like the end of the world. I hope you at least manage to talk it out.
 

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Discussion Starter #12
Well we talked a lot last night and he basically said, "fine, I won't go" but he was in a huff about it and I could tell he wasn't comfortable with the idea. So I finally told him he just needs to come up with his own decision and I'll support him either way and that we'd be fine either way.<br><br>
This would be easier if I wanted the stupid money OR if he was trying to get this money for us. No, he wants the money so he can buy a truck <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">: He just wants to get money fast and not the long hard way like most people do lol.<br><br>
He's always terrified we'll end up on the streets and not able to feed our kids but it's just not something that would ever happen. First off, in worst case scenerio we both have families who would take us in and help us in a heartbeat without a thought to it. Secondly he can do his job as a civilian and earn a very nice salary so he's got something to fall back on.<br><br>
I think he's leaning towards re-enlisting though and therefore doing this tour. I know Army and Marine families do it all the time but I guess I just didn't expect it for us. We did join the Air Force for specific reasons and part of it was that there weren't these huge long deployments and if there ever was one it was pretty much the only one in your career.<br><br>
Anyways ladies, thanks for letting me talk this out. I guess I'm using you guys as my sounding board. We both talked with our parents last night and they both thought he should re-enlist but I think it's because they both think they will have me and the kids living with them and they are dreaming of having their grandbabies with them for a whole year (they are both obsessive, but cool, grandparents).
 

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I would agree that the grandparents probably can't offer entirely objective feedback here, since they think they have something to gain from the deployment decision.<br><br>
Keep us posted - when does he have to make this decision by?? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Well I hope whatever decision the TWO of you make is what is right for the whole family and not just him. I know it is hard! I was in the Army and my inactive duty isn't up untill August of this year. No big deal right, they don't call people back once they've been out for 5 years... wrong! One of the guys I was enlisted with was one month out from his inactive reserve and got called back for a deployment. It can and does happen. Everyone keeps telling me not to worry because I will have a baby, but my inactive duty isn't up till the baby is over a month old, and since that is all they give for maternity leave I doubt they would care. Anyways, I just try not to think about it, but I know you have no other choice. I hope everything works out for you and your family, I know it's tough, especially being AF, I was an Army ammunition specialist, so nothing would be surprising on my end. More <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Take care, and take it easy, mama!<br><br>
Blessings,<br>
LeeAnn
 

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Shelsi (hey, i didn't know you posted here :p - i lurk on bbc a lot, but get too frustrated - my sn there is **tonks**). anyway, i'm sorry your hubby got orders to qatar <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">. especially a 1 year tour. if he *does* have to go, he'll have to hook up with my BIL (he will be leaving in july for an 8 mos tour there).<br><br>
i originally posted after reading only your first post. i hope you guys make a decision that works for *both* of you. i would also caution you on the "anywhere in the world" bit for BOP - technically, it only works for stateside orders, although it is *easier* to get OS orders coming off of a deployment or after having an OS base already (we're looking into that kind of stuff too as we're stuck at an assignment we hate - 2 years 6 months and 2 weeks to go till we get to leave ::sigh:<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">.<br><br>
Liv
 

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Discussion Starter #16
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Momof2xy</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7912000"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Shelsi (hey, i didn't know you posted here :p - i lurk on bbc a lot, but get too frustrated - my sn there is **tonks**). anyway, i'm sorry your hubby got orders to qatar <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">. especially a 1 year tour. if he *does* have to go, he'll have to hook up with my BIL (he will be leaving in july for an 8 mos tour there).<br><br>
i originally posted after reading only your first post. i hope you guys make a decision that works for *both* of you. i would also caution you on the "anywhere in the world" bit for BOP - technically, it only works for stateside orders, although it is *easier* to get OS orders coming off of a deployment or after having an OS base already (we're looking into that kind of stuff too as we're stuck at an assignment we hate - 2 years 6 months and 2 weeks to go till we get to leave ::sigh:<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">.<br><br>
Liv</div>
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Well they're treating it as a short tour though not as a deployment. It says on his paper he got that they use the word deployment instead of short tour because politically they don't want to say they have a permanent presence in the country. They say it'll be treated just like if he were to go to Korea for a year. I don't really want to go overseas though. I mean it sounds nice and all (and of course dh is already talking Hawaii) but I'm sick of being so far from family and I don't want to be even farther, especially because my mom can't fly for long periods of time due to a back issue so she'd never get to come visit.<br><br>
Right now I still don't know what the decision is. I really believe he needs to make this one. I know we'll be OK if he goes and I know we'll be OK if he doesn't. For a long time he's felt like he doesn't have control over his life and this is his chance to take his life by the reigns and really decide what he wants/needs.
 

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Shelsi- My bil sounds a lot like your hubby except that he now is career af. Good luck to your hubby in making this decision because he won't be happy unless he makes it. In civilian stuff I would say it should be a joint decision, but this really is his to make. I hope you are able to come up with a nice compromise that makes you both happy.<br><br>
Now for a man comment not really related to the post.... Why to men have to be so selfish as to want to use extra money all for themselves? If my hubby gets a bonus, he has to spend some of the money for himself. If I get extra money, it goes to the babies. I told dh this last night because I was upset over something that would cost us extra money, but he didn't seem to get it.<br><br>
Good luck to both of you! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I hope this all works out for you two.<br><br>
Clara
 
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