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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have no idea what to do.<br>
My daughter is going to a friends house for the first time by herself. It is across the street. I have known the mom all my life so I feel pretty comfortable. This isn't the problem. My daughter really likes to wear pants and tops. Nothing goofy. Well she has picked out this awful dress that my mom got her. Poofy shoulders and all. She looks sooo proud to be wearing it. You should see her face. I am afraid that she will go over there and get teased. This little girl goes to school and is turning 6 in May. She may follow a certain style or may know style by now. What do I do? I don't want to be THAT parent that tells her what is acceptable or not. Part of the reason we homeschool is because I want her to be able to express herself and to be herself. I don't want her to follow "rules" of dress. I love how she is comfortable to wear what she pleases. But I know she will be crushed if they tease her. It really does matter to her what others think. Either way I see her creativeness being squished. I feel ashamed but I actually considered "accidentally" spilling something on it. Then she would have to change and we could avoid it altogether. I have never been stumped with something like this before. Shouldn't I just allow her to be herself? But then they laugh at her. As a parent shouldn't I let her know? Oh I don't know! HELP!!
 

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let her wear the poofy dress. bring a small bag with a change of clothes for her, so she can change into something "more comfortable" should she choose <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"> my dd wears two odd shoes to church, and is fully inspired by punky brewster from the 80's. she understands others may not see how amazing & unique she is...lol... - but that's a risk she's willing to take....and i support it totally! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"> i'm a firm believer that children should have the right to wear what they want, as long as it's not nudity at the store or a bathing suit in the winter.
 

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Yes I agree to let her wear it. It is just part of growing up. Emily like to wear silly things a lot and we let it as long as it's appropriate for the weather. They may not tease her, and then again she may not care. but it's just one of those things they have to learn. It's tough though.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
I just love her so much and don't want her feelings hurt. She would want to know if she looked "different" but not sure if that would be the right thing to do. My almost 4yo daughter wears mismatched clothes with layers and it is so cute. I don't mind them wearing what they want just it hurts me to think of her hurt. Good idea about the change of clothes!
 

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are the kids mean? that red flagged me....is there a reason your worried....have they teased in the past? let her wear the dress....it's not a big deal.
 

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i'll be honest. imo, what you think will hold a greater influence than that child across the street. tell her that <i>you</i> think she's beautiful in that dress. tell her that <i>you</i> think she's amazing and she picked out the perfect outfit.<br><br>
in my experience, my dd could care less if the kids at church like or dislike her clothes....however, she cares deeply what my husband and i think regarding her every choice. my dd wears INSANE things all of the time, and i love her individuality and i do think she'd look perfect in a paper sack. clothes don't define a person, and i think by letting a child just be who they want to be will ultimately teach that. ykwim?
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
I wasn't going to make her change or anything. I was thinking of warning her or something but I have decided against it. I am going to take your advice and leave it be. I am going to compliment her and tell her how wonderful I think her choice was. Thank you for helping me. Sometimes parenting is tough!<br>
I am also sending over some extra clothes.
 

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Inquiring readers want to know...what happened?<br>
Did all turn out ok? I just know I'm going to be facing this same dilemma one day, as I have the most independent, care-free little girl that one could imagine...
 

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Yeah, how'd it go?<br><br>
I would have let her go and sent along a change of clothes in case they wanted to play outside/do messy art projects. My oldest two kids were in school at age 6 and neither of them really had any kind of handle on fashion so I doubt it was too much of an issue.
 

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When I first saw this post I was distracted and half reading it and I was sure it was about the daughter that is wearing a top cut too low or jeans too low around the hips and had to laugh when I realized it was your little 6 year old wearing ummmm.... her personal choice of clothes.<br><br>
My daughter was the queen of wearing strange. I often came to the point of telling her she should change before I stopped just in time. Im glad I did because now she is 11 and surprisingly wears clothes that look really good and interesting. I am not a clothes person and I'm totally practical with a limited wardrobe with solids that all look fine no match how you mix and match.<br><br>
So thankfully she's not following my lead and enjoying her clothes in a fun and playful way. Your daughter will do fine. Im thinking since the other little ones are six, they will probably be a little envious they don't have something with puffy sleeves. Any girl that is six and knows fashion styles is going to be pretty unusual herself. I really wouldn't worry.
 

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My kids have lots of friends who go to ps, and lots who homeschool. To be honest, at this age, I've not heard any teasing about what each other wear. They generally don't even notice, they are too busy running off to play. I think you were worrying needlessly.<br><br>
But I guess the playdate is over with now ---- how did it go??? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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i'm sure it's over and done with now, but i'll chime in anyway.<br><br>
i think you were totally justified in worrying<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment">.<br><br>
on my sons first day of K last year, he wore a pink shirt that had navy around the sleeves and collar, the he picked out from the boys section at old navy and he was teased mercilessly.<br>
he was also teased the other day at our <b>homeschool</b> park day by some older kids for 'looking like a girl'. that day he was wearing khaki pants and a grey shirt, but he does have longish hair.<br>
his PS'd cousins aged 8 and 6 are very judgmental about clothes and such, it's really crazy.<br><br>
that said, i don't ever tell him he can't wear something. we just don't make an issue about what we wear and thus model the attitude that clothes aren't important. we talk a lot about diversity and really don't worry about other peoples opinions, though that doesn't mean feelings don't get hurt sometimes.<br><br>
anyway, hope it all turned out ok and i just wanted to say that i totally understood where you were coming from<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

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I'm curious to know how it went too! I can totally picture this happening with my dd in the future. She is positive she is another Disney princess on a daily basis.
 

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I can easily relate to your worries but i agree that you should not stop her from wearing the dress or put a negative spin on it. In case she comes back crying because she was teased, then you have to handle it in a mature, creative way to restore her self-esteem, that is all.<br><br>
SOmehow, I am willing to bet that that didn't happen though. ... right?
 

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How did it go???? my ds at 5 chose pink training wheels for his bike. i was worried he would get teased and almost didn't let him get them. one little girl said in a teasing tone " your training wheels are pink" ds replied "i know! aren't they cool" he was quite confident <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
I went OK. Not great but not horrible.<br>
I asked what J thought of her dress while talking and she asked her why she was wearing it. Amelie said because I don't wear dresses that often so I wore this one. That was it. When I was crossing them across the street the mom yelled..WOW..you guys look beautiful in your dresses so that made me feel a bit relieved.<br>
For some reason when Amelie does something for the first time (like going to a friends house or when she slept at my parents a couple of months ago for ex.) she gets home and bawls. I think it is built up stress. She is very excited to go and very out going but it seems she needs a good cry when she gets back. Maybe J said some things that hurt and she waited til she got home to let it out. I have no idea. I just hold her until she is done. Why do you think she does this?
 

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I'd let her wear it. Hopefully she won't get made fun of. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> I have a child in kindergarten now (soon to be homeschooled) and she will wear freaky stuff sometimes when I let her. Usually my daughter criticizes herself and will not wear certain things so she is careful about what she wears outside the house. But at this age I wouldn't worry. I agree with sending her some extra clothes along just in case. I hope she has fun.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>homeschoolingmama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10785335"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I went OK. Not great but not horrible.<br>
I asked what J thought of her dress while talking and she asked her why she was wearing it. Amelie said because I don't wear dresses that often so I wore this one. That was it. When I was crossing them across the street the mom yelled..WOW..you guys look beautiful in your dresses so that made me feel a bit relieved.<br>
For some reason when Amelie does something for the first time (like going to a friends house or when she slept at my parents a couple of months ago for ex.) she gets home and bawls. I think it is built up stress. She is very excited to go and very out going but it seems she needs a good cry when she gets back. Maybe J said some things that hurt and she waited til she got home to let it out. I have no idea. I just hold her until she is done. Why do you think she does this?</div>
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<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
It sounds like what you said, that she has built up stress or anxiety when she is away. How is she today? Did she talk anymore about the play date? Sometimes observing the kids can give you a good idea how they interact. Maybe you can watch her play with J outside or at your house next time and see the dynamics.
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>homeschoolingmama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10785335"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">For some reason when Amelie does something for the first time (like going to a friends house or when she slept at my parents a couple of months ago for ex.) she gets home and bawls. I think it is built up stress. She is very excited to go and very out going but it seems she needs a good cry when she gets back. Maybe J said some things that hurt and she waited til she got home to let it out. I have no idea. I just hold her until she is done. Why do you think she does this?</div>
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IMHO, she cries because she can. She is totally safe with you, and can express whatever emotion she needs to. She didn't feel that way during the new experience. I think you hit the mark when you said it was built up stress. It might not be anything specifically bad or good -- just lots and lots of emotion she needs to release.<br><br>
How wonderful that you simply hold her and give her that safe space!
 

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Amethyst will be 6 in May and she has no sense of what looks right or wrong right now. She could care less what other people wear. (except for me for some reason, hmmm) And she would never make fun of someone. Maybe its just her, but I hope most kids that young aren't into teasing.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I know how you feel though!
 
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