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So,
Me and my partner, have 3 kids all together, one 3 year old boy (mine) and twin girls, 8 years old (hers).
I heard that blending families was hard, BUT OH MY GOD!
My ex and I have 60-40% custody, and even tho sometimes we argue (not in front of him) we both really care for him.
The girls on the other side, are always home, she has full custody, and her ex has them maybe one overnight a week. nothing set in stone.
I am starting to feel like I should move out just to get a break in life....it just seems like our three kids are constantly in the state of ....well, not enough.
The two girls: one of them plays with my little one at times, and has lots of patience (he is a spirited boy) and when she says she has enough, she goes and does something else.
The other girl, barely ever wants anything to do with him, and when once in a great moon, she feels like playing with him, he wants nothing to do with her, because they just don't have that relationship.
Jake, since we moved in together only wants me, mommy, mommy, mommy. Because he goes with my ex 3 days a week, when he is home, he wants my full and devoted attention.
When it comes to my partner, the girls want devoted attention as well, when Jake it's around and when he is not....which leaves me with the morning time (30 minutes before they wake up) and bed time (1 hour, maybe, if lucky, because at night, I AM EXHAUSTED, and so is she).to feel like a grown up in a relationship and not like a hamster on a wheel.
Is it normal for a blended family to just have to do separate activities constantly? is it the age difference? should I just give it a break and let time bring them together? its the constant whining about each other going to ever stop? I am feeling a little bit discouraged, it's been 8 months living together and it really feels like two separate families under one roof, except for dinner time, when we force everybody to turn electronics off and sit at the table....and that is a trip too, one of the kids is always teasing the other, or bossing the other one.
Anyway, words of wisdom.....anybody???
 

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Dh and i have lived together 20ish months. The first year was very hard for us but once we started our second year things started to get better. We had 2 3 years olds to start! That is a tough age period. Once they both turned 4, started pre k part time things settled down a lot. I had doubts up until the year mark but things quickly settled down, i went off hormonal bc which helped a lot too.

As far as the separate family stuff, yes we still feek separate for some things, like basic stuff, tucking into bed, bathing and grooming etc. But most days we are pretty much a family unit. My oldest hasnt blended as much as the younger ones, mainly the age and gender difference so that could be what one of the twins may be going through.

Stay strong. Come here for support it helps to talk things through with others.
 

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I think especially with the age difference, it's pretty normal to do separate stuff. Even if they were blood-related, 8-year-olds are not going to want to always hang out with a 3-year-old sibling. My (full sibling) kids also bicker constantly, it makes me crazy. When i lived with their dad and their older sister (my stepdaughter, who was 6 years older than my daughter, 9 years older than my son), also constant bickering, also made me crazy!

As far as feeling like you are on a hamster wheel....that's partially the stress of being in a blended family and partly being mom to a 3-year-old and partly just having 3 kids in the house :) Also pretty normal even in non-blended families!

Since the girls want mom time and your son is with his dad 3 days a week, I'd encourage you to spend time on one of those days taking some alone time and letting the girls kind of fill up on mom time without you around. It will hopefully be a win-win: you get some time to decompress, and the girls don't feel like they are competing for attention with you or your son. If everyone is up for it, maybe you could offer some time to your partner on one of those other days.

And take alone time with your son when he is there too! I think that's very healthy for everyone-just because you have blended families, I don't think anyone needs to pretend that you don't want time with your own child. obviously it can't be at the expense of the other kids, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to take your son somewhere without hte other kids, especially given the age/interest differences.

I think it's great that you enforce family dinners-that's a great baseline to set, even if it seems everyone is going in different directions at times.
 

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hamster wheel - exactly

A hamster wheel is exactly what it feels like for my family as well. We each bring two 9 year old boys to the family plus I have a 12 year old daughter. We are a family unit at dinner, church and on vacations. But other than that, we are all going different directions. Between football, volleyball, karate, scouts and school events, there's just no way we are all together. My fiance's ex hates it b/c she expects us at all of her sons events as a family unit supporting him. But there's just no way. My ex lives hours away and they rarely see him so I have my kids ALL THE TIME. I can't be in 2 places at once. Fiance's ex lives 2 miles down the road so no matter if his son stays the night with us, we see him DAILY. He rides the bus home to our house and his dad bring him to school daily. When I go to bed at night, I'm asleep within 30 seconds. I'm exhausted. And I should mention that now that we all live in one house, the boys no longer get along. So I feel like a referee and a corrections officer at the same time.


I honestly believe that once your son hits the age of 4 or 5 it will get a little easier. My son is "spirited" as well. The older he gets, the easier he gets. His sister wanted nothing to do with him when he was 3. She's 12 now...and still wants nothing to do with him. LOL


Just remember, they aren't little for that long. The next few years will be a blur, and then bam! They are teenagers and want nothing to do with us.
 

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everyone is just looking to make sure relationships are maintained.
My kids are 10 years apart, and from his age 3-13 my daughter wanted nothing to do with my son.
and they are blood relations.


I encourage my DH to take his boys for a guy day one day a month, and I take mine as well.
The other weekends we spend as a family, or the two of us, depending on where the kids are.


It all works out. Just don't lose focus on time with your partner! Sometimes the only time we talk is 15 minutes in the dark before sleeping. I cherish that time with him. And I know it'll get better over time.


I read it takes between 2 and 5 years for a family to truly blend, and find its own sense of normal.
Weve been together 18 months, and lived together for 4.
 
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