[cmb123]

Hi! My name is Connie, I'm new to the forums. I introduced my self to the "single parenting" page. And I thought I'd say Hi here too.

Anyway. I'm jealous! They have a whole reallly long thread about dating, which was kinda fun to read for a while. Only thing is it's all straight( I didn't read ALL 200+ posts, but seemed to be).Anyone here have any good queer dating stories to tell? Being a lesbian single mom of 3 makes it REAL exciting for me trying to date I'll tell ya!

 

[Arduinna]

Welcome!

no dating stuff to share *darn* but hopefully someone will come by with something good to share

 

[wemoon]

Well, I'm a single mom and have been looking for both men and women. I never thought I would actually find a woman, but this evening I did. Absolutely nothing serious, I mean we JUST met, but I did find someone and we are planning on meeting again. So I am very excited about this. I definitely think it is hard being a single parent and being bi or lesbian.

 

[wemoon]

Well, and for the story behind it.... I just went to the bar, all by my lonesome. My X has the kids for the weekend. So I went, and met a cool chic and her friend a guy. So us three hung out at the bar just chatting. Then they invite me to go with them to another bar where their friend is. Well, it turns out their friend is bi and so am I. We hooked up and had loads of fun, exchanged numbers etc. I geuss that is my dating story for now. Hopefully we will get together again.

 

[myjulybabes]

Well, I'm married, but it's a rather unconventional marriage. LOL. No real "dating" stories right now, but I did dance with a really, really cute girl at a lesbian bar a couple weeks ago. I was too shy to get her number though. *sigh*

 

[MamaFern]

i was just thinking about this...

im on my own and i know that i am way more into girls than men
(after spending 3 years with a man, im very hesitant to get into another relationship with one..)

but where does a single momma with a 2 year old go to meet other queer mommas? is there any resources for us? i guess i live in a small town, when i was younger i lived in the big city and went to lots of queer drop-ins and such.. but would it be okay to brink a baby? its all so hard! i hate bars and would never go alone! id be sooo scared! or maybe i should just do it! but i want whoever i meet to know right away that i have a kid and that he is my life.its a hard one..

 

[BeeandOwlsMum]

All my dating stories are old....

And not that interesting. :LOL

 

[wemoon]

MamaFern~ I go to bars by myself. Actually it is WAY better to go by myself, because when I go with someone I think I'm less approachable. I usually sit at the bar and have a couple drinks, then by that time I've usually hooked up with someone to just hang out with. I have a very outgoing personality though and I just work my way into conversations with people. The thing that I think before I go is that if it sucks, I can always leave, yk? No one knows me, so it isn't like I'd look like a big dork or anything (and even if I did, I wouldn't care).

I have two kids and before now it was really easy to go out, their dad took them every weekend. But now he is going to be out of town for 5 weeks or so at a time, so if I want to go out now I will either just have to wait until he is back in town or get a babysitter. I do have a brother that lives in town and one teenage babysitter. My parents arn't too far away and they may not be opposed to taking the kids overnight or something.

I think it is very possible to go out and meet people with kids, you just have to put their needs first though and make sure they are with someone you trust and be very responsible while you are out. I also, do not introduce anyone to my kids until I know they are good people.

ETA: I ALWAYS let people know I have kids right away. I don't even think about side-stepping that at all. My kids are my life, and anyone involved in my life will be involved with my kids.

 

[MamaFern]

thanks for the advice!

if i went to a bar here id most likely get hit on by drunken farmers or bikers, so ill have to wait till the next time i go to the city! hehe... if i ever get up the guts to do it..

 

[cmb123]

I've actually used on-line personals. I've met many friends as well as relationships. It's kind of fun.
I hate bars. Not my scene.
Meeting women is not easy with 3 kids in tow. Most people would just assume I'm straight.

 

[robynberkley]

I left my ex about a year ago with two kids...I didn't "date" a lot pre-connecting with my current partner but go out pretty regularly with friends. I met my current partner at an academic conference and she lives in Ohio so our relationship is long distance. We see each other about twice a month but are on the phone REGULARLY (like 3-4 times per day!). I hang with friends when my ex has the kids...I rarely get a babysitter!

Most of my L friends work the on-line personals as you do. They find it hit or miss but worthwhile. Since I live in our state capital, I have access to many GLBT support groups and social groups so by actively being involved with them I have met a ton of people. A woman I dated briefly before I connected with my current partner, I met her at the Lesbian Support Group at the GLBT center in town. For the most part, however, I've found people who go to the support group are really hurting and aren't in a good place to date...my friend was an exception...

I think the craziest thing I've heard is a friend of mine with three kids met another woman with a kid and within a month they had moved in together...with the kids. I'm sorry but I don't adhere to the UHAUL theory of lesbian relationships, especially when there are kids involved. There is a serious need to move slow and make kids the highest priority. My girlfriend didn't meet my kids until we had been dating about 8 months... She knows and accepts I'm a mom first and the kids are part of the package deal. The hardest thing for me to do the other day was to not be at her dad's funeral this week because my daugher was sick...I had to cancel my flight because she had a 101 temp. I'm always saddened when I hear of some of my friends who have similar situations to me (came out later and divorced their DH) and who really aren't making their kids the priority in their lives as they are dating...

 

[thismama]

Ya, I am finding it hard to date with a baby. Not because the opportunity hasn't presented itself... okay not JUST becoz the opportunity hasn't presented itself. :LOL But also coz I feel like all my love/physical affection/emotional attachment energy is taken up with the babe. This is less true as she gets older, but still true enough to be a barrier. I mean she nurses all the time, sleeps with me, I carry her around, I'm usually with her or hanging around where her papa can find me to bring her home. It's just so intense still.

 

[robynberkley]

Agreed...kids need to be a priority...they didn't choose to come into this life, we chose for them!! And sometimes one needs to slow ones social life down a bit to ensure the kids needs are met. It is intense and wonderful. My partner says despite the fact she's never wanted to have kids herself, it is a turn-on to her to see the amount of love and caring I have for my kids because she knows there is also some of that love for her too!!! There are plenty of women I know out there who have no issues dating women with kids...how to find them is another story entirely!!! :LOL

 

[guerrillamama]

Quote:

Originally Posted by thismama Ya, I am finding it hard to date with a baby. Not because the opportunity hasn't presented itself... okay not JUST becoz the opportunity hasn't presented itself. :LOL But also coz I feel like all my love/physical affection/emotional attachment energy is taken up with the babe. This is less true as she gets older, but still true enough to be a barrier. I mean she nurses all the time, sleeps with me, I carry her around, I'm usually with her or hanging around where her papa can find me to bring her home. It's just so intense still.

This is me too. Only no papa in the picture. And the opportunity has not even suggested presenting itself.

... but I figured I should appear on the thread. Chant with me: I'm here, I'm queer, and I'm not getting any play!

wemoon... well well well... Go on girl!

 

[wemoon]

You all should try the yahoo personals. I've actually just met someone on there, we just barely are getting to know each other, so who knows if it will ever be anything worth talking about.... but there are tons of women seeking women. The only thing is that about 75% are women seeking women and they have a boyfriend or are married. I don't get into that at all. If their marital status is either married or *I'll tell you later* I just pass right on by.

Now this is kinda wierd... I put a profile on bicupid.com and some man emailed me with the user name buddycansuckalot and he was *looking for a quickie* EWWWWWW!

But I think the personals can work, I met one guy on it and now one girl. The guy didn't work out at all, but we still occaisionally check in with each other.

I geuss I really like the bar scenes. It is fun, I always meet tons of new people and a little liquor helps ease away any inhibitations of just going and talking to people. I met a chic in the bar by her just asking me if I was into guys or girls, when I said both she stuck to me like glue.

But I can see how people wouldn't like bars...

 

[guerrillamama]

buddycansuckalot...

Yeah Buddy, very sexy, very hot!

I can't see trying the personals... But maybe I will get over that mental block when (if) I get my libido back. Bars are cool with me... Maybe in a year or two my ds will actually let me go out at night! (I've done it only three times and it doesn't look good for the future.)

 

[MamaFern]

i think ill just wait till i move back to the city.. i feel like i dont really have the energy to try to start a relationship now anyways..but its always something i cant help wondering about.. do you wonder?...will i ever meet someone? and will they love my child as much as i do? and accept that my child is 100% number one.. its all so tricky. i think the online personals could be fun or weird.. im not aure about it yet.

 

[cmb123]

I used to balk at the personals, but now that I've tried it it's kind of fun.
I tried PlanetOut. I tried Yahoo also, but I got a lot of those married women, threesomes etc... not any of that with PlanetOut... so we'll see...
It is hard though, cause my kids do consume my time and energy (happily so) but it is fun to feel like I have a little life here and there. Makes me feel alive. ( not that my kids don't, you know what I mean)

 

[robynberkley]

I DO know what you mean...If I hadn't met my current partner at a work conference I'm unsure I'd be out and about meeting women right now...between the kids and the job I'm ALL consumed!