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Ok, mamas. I need to rant.

559 Views 8 Replies 5 Participants Last post by  UrbanPlanter
It's my IL's. Appearently, my nursing DS makes them (DH's grandfather esp) very uncomfortable. The whole issue is causing tension between them and DH.
He totally supports my BFing. Buuuut, when it comes to his grandfather's house, he wants me to nurse in another room away from everybody. WTH?
I refuse to seclude myself just to feed my baby. It's not shameful, and I will not hide to do it. (Besides the fact that DS likes to rock in a chair while nursing and the only rocking chair is in the living room.)
If I can't nurse over there..... I just can't go over there now can I?
I would love for my kids to have a good relationship with their grandparents, but seeing me nursing and visiting with their grandkids is a package deal. YK?

Do you think I am being unreasonable? I just don't want to enforce the idea that breastfeeding is something that can only be done in private.

What do you think about this situation?
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maybe somehow you could educate them on the great benefits of breastfeeding, in a nice way? maybe your dh could do it. there are great ideas on the kellymom website.
I also agree that you should not seclude yourself when you bf. You don't have to go there, either.
I'm one of the most pro breastfeeding mama's you'll find (just ask...I'm obsessed
) but here is my take.

Older generations (especially the men) get really uncomfortable with any part of a woman's body showing (especially when it's not their wife). I've found this with my FIL and my DHs grandpa. They were just raised in an era when things were different, and I don't know about you, but I've never found an old person that was open to the idea of change! LOL

If it were me, I would respect his wishes (since it's his house) by either nursing in another room or by making sure you are well covered, or just not visiting.... although I'm not certain what your childs relationship is with him and if it would put him at a disadvantage by not seeing his Great Grandpa.

It really is a tough call, because I'm with you 100%!! I think it's horrible that people expect us to hide and be ashamed of doing the absolute best we can do for our kids... but then again... like I said before, when it comes to old relatives... they just don't change
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I thought about educating him (or having dh do it), but that is really not the issue.
He doesn't have a problem that I BF, he just doesn't want me to do it publicly. From what I have been told, in his eyes BF in front of someone is no different than being naked. I think he has serious issues with only being able to see breasts as sexual, not life-sustaining.
And he is old and set in his ways. I doubt trying to educate him would do any good.

I don't see any middle ground here. I KNOW I am right. And he feels the same way.
I hate feeling like the big, bad tyrant. But this is one issue that I won't back down on.
When I was at another person's house - who was uncomfortable with my nursing, I would usually move myself out of the way, but not leave the room. I didn't want to miss the socializing, but since FTMP, I just listen and rarely compete for the conversation with a large group of people (just my personality) this suited me fine. So usually I'd move off to the side, or choose a chair that was kind of behind everyone, and out of their line of sight. Or I'd sit beside DH, and use him to block their line of sight (he's bigger than me).

To me, other than with immediate family who I knew were completely comfortable with nursing, I didn't want to nurse full on in their face. The same as I wouldn't feel comfortable sitting in a bikini at the dining table, and neither would they.

For example, my older sister told me she and her teenage sons felt uncomfortable with my nursing. This really made me mad, but it WAS her house. So I would move away from the boys. I didn't hide that I was nursing - so they knew what I was doing, and knew that if THEY didn't want to see it, they could stay away from me. But I also didn't force them to watch. (most of our visiting is done at her house). Her living room is off the kitchen, and usually everyone was visiting at the kitchen table. So I just moved into the living room - more comfortable there, too.

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I think my bil is uncomfortable with me nursing my 26mo (even tho my sil nursed each of their sons for at least a year). But I just don't have a choice with my ds - when he wants to nurse it has to be right there and then, wherever I am sitting. So when we were visiting the b/sil's last month, my ds wanted to nurse in the middle of dinner time, at the dining room table. What could I do? He climbed in my lap and was adament about it, and near having a tantrum. So I lifted my shirt and my bil ran out of the room! oh well. :LOL

Originally Posted by JillyKay
this is one issue that I won't back down on.
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