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My generally very calm and sweet four year old is really having a rough time emotionally lately, and it seems to stem from anxiety about the baby coming. We're a bit taken aback that she's having this reaction, since she is outwardly excited about having another little sister. She carries around an ultrasound picture, she loves to make things for the baby, and she tells everyone she meets our list of names and which ones she likes the best. She loves to read the books we have about birth and being a big sister, she plays midwife with her little sister, and includes the baby in all of our family portraits.<br><br>
Despite all of this, she is just really on edge and emotional lately, and when she gets hysterical about something small (e.g.-not being able to find her sunglasses), she comes back to the idea that she doesn't want to be a big girl and look for them, she wants <i><span style="text-decoration:underline;">me</span></i> to look for them. Which i understand (she wants to be taken care of) but I just don't know how to reassure her that mama has enough love for everyone, without being at her constant beck and call. I am trying to spend 1-on-1 time with each girl, but it hasn't made a difference - if anything, she is clingier for the rest of the day.<br><br>
So, book recommendations? Advice? I feel like we are doing everything we can to reassure her, and maybe this is just something we have to live though before she can relax? Our transition last time was fairly easy, but she was also so small that the reality of having to share mommy was just too abstract. We dealt with the issue in the moment, not in the months prior.
 

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Syddo has definitely upped in her anxiety level - She'll be 4 in April.<br><br>
Honestly I'm working a lot on discipline & consequences. I know it seems counter intuitive & everyone has their own disciplining practices, but my reigning in on what's acceptable behavior & what's not has helped create not only behavioral but also emotional boundaries for her. I hope that this will help when I'm consistant after the baby comes, because I will NEED to have enforcable boundaries that don't come out of left field for either of us. Anyway, every family is different.<br><br>
I'm also focusing a lot on what's going to happen after the baby gets here, for instance, Easter. Easter is going to be awesome! It's going to happen after baby gets here (hear that baby? That means you can't stay in past 42 weeks because Easter comes AFTER you!). Then it's Sydney's birthday, so we say "After baby Kennedy comes we can start planning your birthday party! Isn't that exciting?" etc. I can see a definite relaxation in her body when we talk about the transition in terms of life beyond "Baby Kennedy"<br><br>
Anyway, this is all preemptive & delusional thinking of a very pregnant mom to a preschooler. I have no Real Life experience, so here's hoping we get some <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br><br>
ETA: Have you read Lama Lama Red Pajama? We just got it from our library queue & it is pretty funny - when Syddo gets all crazy now I say "Stop yo lama drama" & she usually laughs (or, you know, completely loses it <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rolleyes">)
 

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I've got a 3 year old and a 5 year old. My 5 year old is becoming a big brother for the 3rd time, so he doesn't seem too phased. What is helpful for me with our 3 year old daughter (who is *very* much Mommy's little girl) is to make this baby OUR baby that we get to play with and take care of.
 

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No advice, just commiseration. My DS has definitely been more edgy lately -- more tantrums, more babytalk, that sort of thing.<br><br>
I found that things got worse when we were off schedule. He missed preschool for a week because he was sick, and that really made things tough.<br><br>
I'm not sure what to do besides spend time with him, keep a consistent routine, and just keep on keeping on.
 

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Also enjoying the Bearnstein Bears "And Baby Makes 5" - awesome book!
 

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Is it possible that this is just four? All of my kids really struggled with this around four. It was like they were experiencing all of these very intense emotions but had a hard time processing them. I saw it as akin to the two year old stage where the tantrums came from an inability to effectively communicate properly. It's almost the same situation but in terms of one area. This is coupled with a growing independence from ones' parents which I think is also pretty scary for a little one. I think the anxiety stems from this feeling so out of control with the emotions and a more developed sense of being separate from one's parents. What has worked for us with all of them is lots of conversations about emotions. We read tons of book on being angry, sad, happy, etc. We also spent a lot of time talking about how to display emotions in appropriate ways. And that's it's okay to ask help in terms of dealing with emotions.<br><br>
I am sure that a new sibling coming doesn't help and likely would make all the things we noticed much more intense.
 

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My son is having a hard time emotionally as well lately - rather suddenly though. But there seems to be no connection to that and 'the baby' if I am honest. We don't talk about it much unless he starts the convo - or if its about anything basic. I try and make sure its not always about 'the baby'. I mean, it could be a bit of anxiety about the baby but I have no hint of that - and that could simply be because hes a boy and really crap with talking about this kinda stuff? lmao (hes 4 and a half by the way lol).<br><br>
IMO - I think its just his age! lol<br><br>
Anyroad - im gonna hook him up with some bach flower remedies - we have always had great relief and success with these in the past (for the whole family) - so I would highly recommend then! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
Oh, mamas. I don't have any sage advice, but you all have NO clue how Mich I needed to hear I'm not the only one experiencing this! Must be the combo of being 4 and welcoming a new baby.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
Oh, mamas. I don't have any sage advice, but you all have NO clue how Mich I needed to hear I'm not the only one experiencing this! Must be the combo of being 4 and welcoming a new baby.
 

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My DS is five, and he has been an absolute nightmare lately. He hits, bites, kicks. He deliberately does things I ask him not to do. This has all really gotten out of control in the last month or two. I have no idea what to do to make him stop! Sometimes he is enthusiastic about the baby coming, but other times (just recently), he's been very negative about her. I have no idea how much of his violence and acting out is related to the pregnancy - or if it's a totally unrelated thing. I feel I'm just as affectionate towards him as ever...but I'm definitely more touchy (physically and emotionally) and tired. I really need to find some way to help him through this, because he's driving me crazy.
 

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Boys have a testosterone surge - that of a teenage boy - at the age of five. Bearing that in mind, I think its unrelated at all to the pregnancy Suzanne.<br><br>
I mean - part of the reason why we wanted a larger age gap is because I wanted my son to be more invovled and able to understand more...but even at this age, I think their understanding is limited to the basics. I personally feel that if any sign of behaviour connected to a new family member shows itself, it is going to be after the birth of the baby - when the effect of the cause (so to speak) is a 'real' thing for them. The rest is just far too arbitrary for them to grasp right now.<br><br>
I also wanted to share that we get on fantastic with <a href="http://www.indigoessences.com/" target="_blank">Indigo Essences</a>. I don't know if they ship to the USA though - they must! Seriously - don't knock these things until you try them! If you are looking for some help - they are fantastic for balancing emotions, etc! And great for the whole family too! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"><br><br>
Ha Suzanne - thats post #666 for you... lmao
 
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