Mothering Forum banner
1 - 9 of 9 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
351 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
OK So I've just had a talk with my #1 son about his behavior at school. How he needs to listen and respect the teacher and how everyone hates verbs and nouns, but we all have to learn them. We were talking about why he'd been acting like this and he blurted out that he feels left out. Shiny. I'm looking on the web for help with older siblings not feeling left out. Problem is... about 99% of everything I've come across assumes that the older sib is in the 4 and under crowd. DS1 is 7 years old ans DS2 was born in October. I'm very busy nursing and careing for the baby of course. DH works at his office job all day (poor thing, right?) and comes home not feeling like doing much of anything. #1 son is driving me mad, and I'm looking to find something we can do together just the two of us that can be done in our house as it gets dark shortly after he comes home from school (ye gods, I hate winter) as well as something that doesn't make a giant mess as my house is already an unholy disaster. We talk about what he did in school that day, what he had for lunch, what games he and his friends played, we do homework and everything's great. Then he starts singng at the top of his lungs, or throwing his stuffed animals into the ceiling fan, or asking me to make him a "Whole fleet" of paper airplanes. Is it too soon for me to ask him to entertain himself? Because if I have to hear "Kalump Went The Little Green Frog" one more time, I may just jump in the river.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
27,052 Posts
First off, working all day is no excuse for not doing things with the kids. A transition time after getting home from work is reasonable, but even if he's doing literally back-breaking labor he could read a story or two.

Secondly, it sounds like your ds has plenty of ideas of things you two can do together at home--they just aren't things that you want to do. How about using the computer together to look up more songs to sing? Look up new ways to fold paper airplanes, things other than paper airplanes to fold in paper. At 7, he can start doing card games, boardgames, word games like 20 questions (although 20,000+ questions allows considerably more scope
) which can also be played in the car or while doing errands. Follow his lead and expand on it.

Finally, don't dismiss the ideas in those sibling books, they might be aimed at the under-4 set, but there's probably stuff in there that you can use. You might even have an easier time of it since your son is so old and can actually talk with you properly about things.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
351 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Well, we've been working on paper airplanes. Singing is great fun, but then he'll get "stuck" and hum the first 3 or four bars for about two hours straight. Ceiling-fan meets animal is bad for my ceiling fans. All of this probably wouldn't seem so bad if I wasn't sick at the moment, or if he didn't wait around the corner to ask while I'm nursing the babe. We're off to play Jenga!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
27,052 Posts
Oh, you're sick
. Yeah, all the really good ways of handling two kids (or kids at all) requires energy. Hopefully Jenga will work out, and if he needs more active stuff to do, maybe empty out a laundry basket and let him toss animals into it from across a room without a ceiling fan?

Asking him to entertain himself because you're sick is reasonable. I was thinking you were looking at long-term solutions.

Any chance you've got siblings? Aunts and uncles can be great in home baby sitters when you're under the weather--speaking as an aunt.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
681 Posts
Ideas...

Songs - get some new songs from the Library or some CDs that he can learn & then ask him to rehearse (by himself) a show to entertain you & DH later in the evening.

Fleet of paper airplanes - encourage him to fold them himself? Get a book of paper-airplane models that he can build?

Does he have legos or other types of things to build with?

Does he have any neighbor kids to play w/? I think my son would have been much more bored if he didn't have our downstairs neighbor and another boy who lives across the street. If there are no convenient neighbors, maybe arrange for playdates - you bring the boys home and the other parents pick up the friend after school?

Finally - about verbs and nouns - not *everyone* hates them. I loved them and so did my kids. Why? Because of Madlibs. Maybe get some Madlibs for him for X-mas. It's entertaining and helps kids think about parts of speech.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MommaFox View Post
OK So I've just had a talk with my #1 son about his behavior at school. How he needs to listen and respect the teacher and how everyone hates verbs and nouns, but we all have to learn them. We were talking about why he'd been acting like this and he blurted out that he feels left out. Shiny. I'm looking on the web for help with older siblings not feeling left out. Problem is... about 99% of everything I've come across assumes that the older sib is in the 4 and under crowd. DS1 is 7 years old ans DS2 was born in October. I'm very busy nursing and careing for the baby of course. DH works at his office job all day (poor thing, right?) and comes home not feeling like doing much of anything. #1 son is driving me mad, and I'm looking to find something we can do together just the two of us that can be done in our house as it gets dark shortly after he comes home from school (ye gods, I hate winter) as well as something that doesn't make a giant mess as my house is already an unholy disaster. We talk about what he did in school that day, what he had for lunch, what games he and his friends played, we do homework and everything's great. Then he starts singng at the top of his lungs, or throwing his stuffed animals into the ceiling fan, or asking me to make him a "Whole fleet" of paper airplanes. Is it too soon for me to ask him to entertain himself? Because if I have to hear "Kalump Went The Little Green Frog" one more time, I may just jump in the river.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
12,445 Posts
I know it's dark early. I know it's cold. BUT once you're well ...

Go for a walk when he gets home or right after dinner while your dh spends some time with the little one. My kids love going for walks at this time of year because everyone has their Christmas lights up.

What makes your son feel loved? For my son, it's spending time with me. (OK, his favorite activity is to watch me play "Bookworm Adventure Deluxe" - go figure.) But board games, walks, just hanging out is what our 7 year old needs to connect. It's also me being next to him/with him while he does his homework. For our dd is snuggling and talking. She needs to hear and feel my love. Ds needs to experience it.

It's tough being sick with a new baby, so file this for when you're feeling better. If you can spend 30 minutes a day where HE leads the play, I think you'll find he'll not feel so left out. Ideally BOTH parents would be able to do this, as the kind of connection you get from one will naturally be different than the kind you get from another.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,538 Posts
Not much to add from what's already been said, but how about doing a special project with him? Is he into lego? Maybe ask all the relitives to get togther and get him one of those nice model kids for you 2 to build (I'm thinking the big ones you could make together over several days / weeks & then he can play with it). Maybe a big puzzle (300 piece? 500 piece?) you could pick out together, do together, then frame & hang in his room?

Make awhole village of log cabins with popsicle sticks? I'm thinking of a special project you two can do together (on a table so it contains the mess
) that can be something special you guys do together for a while.

Enjoy
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,764 Posts
This is so tough. My oldest was 7 when baby was born. She didn't feel left out immediately, but really felt it as the baby became a toddler and needed almost constant supervision. She is a very active, curious and daring toddler. My oldest has told me several times that she feels invisible b/c of baby.
We have started having Thursday nights out with her, alternating with either dh or me. I don't know how to solve this problem b/c there really isn't much I can do with her w/o baby interrupting and/or destroying whatever we're doing (she doesn't nap any more either). We were sharing special time watching "Dancing with the Stars" that I had recorded, but now that's over and I've got to find something else.
So, no real advice, but just some support
.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
507 Posts
Could he help with dinner? Maybe be responsible for a side dish or the veggies? When dh was looking to bond with dd2 he started cooking with her and they make an amazing team.
 
1 - 9 of 9 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top