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I had a panic attack yesterday. I've only had one once before and it was years ago, and completely different.

I was driving and DD was crying and I desperately wanted to get where I was going (MDC coffee night) before it was over (ended up being an hour late
) and ran into construction.

I was really dizzy and couldn't see normally and Ellie didn't sound like a crying baby, more like a siren. Had these weird, faraway thoughts, like someone else was thinking them, that this was really wrong and dangerous. It was freakish and weird.

And I ended up using mild self-injury to recover from it. I hit the steering wheel hard enough to bruise my hand. Wow, I just put the pieces togehter. I'm remembering this as I type.

I don't think I quite have PPD, but if there was such a thing a pre-PPD syndrome I'd have it.

I know Iu'm not doing too much really, and that a nomral person should be able to handle it, bu tI'm not a normal person, I'm very stressed and upset by small things right now and am trying very hard to not get sucked into the trap of sitting aorund doing nothing. When people keep insisting on giving me big complex projects, it make sit impossible for me to handle nayhting but sitting on the couch. until 3.30 am.

I'm not sure what to do.

I need to relax and refocus. I need to stop running from thing to thing. Or it will get really bad. But I'm not allowed to have needs unless it *is* really bad. Argh.
 

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: my ppd was mostly anxiety so i know were you are coming from.
 

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Focus on the basics -- good rest and good nutrition. Slow down as much as possible. Keep us posted.
 
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