[elus0814]

<p>Our daughter is getting a bit heavy and will eat and eat and eat if we let her. Our son, however, will eat a few bites and nothing else and has only gained a couple pounds in the past year. We've stopped offering snacks and only keep healthy foods in the house. About a year ago we stopped keeping any junk food in the house because our daughter was putting on weight quickly and was starting to not fit in her clothes and not because they were too short. This has caused our son to all but stop gaining. He turns five in a few weeks and in the past year has only gained four pounds while growing four inches. He's bordering on too thin. The kids are homeschooled and together all the time. My husband deploys twice a year so I'm often not able to give them different foods without them knowing about it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>We've tried to give our daughter plain veggies, popcorn, potatoes, etc. (she won't eat meat and never has) while giving our son buttered veggies, popcorn, and so on. Other than meat there are few foods she will not eat. He doesn't like things that are buttered or otherwise increased in calories and it makes our daughter annoyed that he is getting all the good food. We've even tried giving him ice cream while our daughter gets sorbet. They trade. When we have fruits and veggies out he will not eat enough so he needs high calorie foods. We've taken him out for high calorie food while our daughter gets to do a non food related active activity, like going to a big playground, but he will seldom take more than a few bites. We've taken him to the doctor and they don't feel anything is wrong. He doesn't seem to be bothered by textures. Our daughter will just eat until she is stuffed and feeling sick, I do the same thing if I don't concentrate on my willpower. We've tried milkshakes for him and smoothies for her but they're not really big fans of them and our daughter often ends up finishing his shake or food.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I don't want our daughter to get low calorie looking foods while our son gets high calorie ones, I'd like their foods to be similar. As a child I was chubby while my sister was not and I have awful memories of being served celery and carrot sticks while my sister was given chips or doughnuts for her and special k for me.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>We also have a 20 month old and a 3 month old, if that makes a difference. The toddler has no food problems.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Any suggestions?</p>

 

[nextcommercial]

<p>I'm not really sure, but it seems like four pounds in one year is really great.  I know my daughter rarely gained four pounds in a year.  She was always pretty steady, so I was never too worried.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Maybe you can offer them the same foods, but give him higher fat milk than you give your daughter.  Give them a healthy meal (some treats are fine too) and then if they want seconds, offer vegies.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I have a friend who's six year old daughter weighs almost 80lbs, while her ten year old brother weighs 78 lbs.  Their mom worries all the time about the daughter's weight, and it's hard not to.  I understand.  But, if you make a big deal and the kids notice, it tends to backfire.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I hope you get some reassurance here.  I wish I could offer more.</p>

 

[elus0814]

<p>I'm worries because our ped has mentioned that our son needs to gain more weight because of the height he's gained, in the past year he's gone from 70th percentile to just about 30th. Our daughter, in the past two years, has gone from 50th to above 90th. If he had been thin all along I wouldn't think twice about it but I don't want him to drop off the growth chart or our daughter to be above 95th. We already give 2% milk to her and whole to him and the toddler. We sometimes make our son chocolate milk but you can guess how well that goes over with his sister!</p>

 

[Storm Bride]

<p>It sounds as though you're offering your dd a lot of carbs, and not many fats. This may be why she just keeps eating. Your ds, otoh, sounds perfectly normal to me. DD1 didn't gain any weight for almost three years, as it all went into growing (upwards) and going. She's very healthy, active, etc. and I've never had any concerns about her weight.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I think offering them so many separate things, based on what you think they should be eating, instead of on what they want to eat, is a mistake. Let your son eat his popcorn without butter, if that's how he likes it...and let your dd eat it with butter, if that's how she likes it. It really sounds like there's an awful lot of focus on food, and a lot parental control (attempted, at least) over what thet get to eat and how much. I think you need to let go a little bit.</p>

 

[Storm Bride]

<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>elus0814</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1285388/one-child-overeating-and-gaining-too-much-the-other-not-eating-enough-and-not-gaining#post_16114985"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>I'm worries because our ped has mentioned that our son needs to gain more weight because of the height he's gained, in the past year he's gone from 70th percentile to just about 30th.</p>
</div>
</div>
<p><br>
I don't have a ped (most people I know don't - I think it's a difference between the US and Canada), but from posts on these boards, I get the feeling peds are somewhat obsessed with weight gain. Some kids just go up and up and up while being very skinny, and then start beefing up when they're a bit older. DS1 was like that, and he wasn't a skinny toddler/preschooler. When he got to school age, he just got really, really skinny for a few years. He's now almost 18, and 6' tall, weighs about 170 or so, and is in good health and great condition (he's a gymnast, and takes "conditioning" PE). He's not even remotely overweight, but he's not overly thin, either.</p>

 

[SeekingJoy]

<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>elus0814</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1285388/one-child-overeating-and-gaining-too-much-the-other-not-eating-enough-and-not-gaining#post_16114947"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a>As a child I was chubby while my sister was not and I have awful memories of being served celery and carrot sticks while my sister was given chips or doughnuts for her and special k for me.</div>
</div>
<p>You know the damage this did to you (and likely your sister). Why are you recreating this dynamic? It is an unhealthy attitude toward food and between each other.</p>
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Storm Bride</strong> <a href="forum/thread/1285388/one-child-overeating-and-gaining-too-much-the-other-not-eating-enough-and-not-gaining#post_16114991"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>It sounds as though you're offering your dd a lot of carbs, and not many fats. This may be why she just keeps eating. ....</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I think offering them so many separate things, based on what you think they should be eating, instead of on what they want to eat, is a mistake. Let your son eat his popcorn without butter, if that's how he likes it...and let your dd eat it with butter, if that's how she likes it. It really sounds like there's an awful lot of focus on food, and a lot parental control (attempted, at least) over what thet get to eat and how much. I think you need to let go a little bit.</p>
<p> </p>
</div>
</div>
<p><br>
If your DD is not eating much protein and few fats, she likely is hungry. The diet you have put her on is likely contributing to her overeating by volume in order to feel satiated. What if you offer both kids the same healthy foods, with lots of healthy proteins and fats (avacados, beans, fish, olive oil, etc). Offer healthy snacks so neither kids gets on a blood sugar roller coaster and is tempted to overeat junk. Offer lots of veggies with meals. Offer a similar and appropriate portion of healthy fats and protein to each child. And then let it go. The parents job is to offer healthy foods, not micromanage food intake of either child.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I would also be more concerned about the long-term implications of trying to adjust your son's taste preferences to buttered, fatty, etc. This won't serve him well as an adult, even if he does have a life-long higher metabolism. It isn't the best way to make sure his diet is nutrient rich and varied.</p>

 

[happysmileylady]

<p>Honestly, it doesn't sound like there's anything wrong with either of them.  I don't think there's any reason to be concerned in the least.  Sometimes kids just grow in one direction a little more before the grow in the other.  That means some kids go up before they go out, and others go out before they go up.  The only time to be concerned, IMO, is when they actually start to fit the profiles for being over or underweight, and even then, crossing those lines by just a bit at some point isn't awful.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Your son went from 70th percentile to 30th, that's not a big deal to me at all.  My 2 year old is barely in the 3rd percentile, my ped isn't worried in the least.  Someone has to be in those lower brackets, right?  Your DD went from 50th to 90th in the course of two years?  To me, that doesn't sound like a big deal either...but it does sound like she might be starting to hit that overweight catagory?</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">
<div> It really sounds like there's an awful lot of focus on food, and a lot parental control (attempted, at least) over what thet get to eat and how much. I think you need to let go a little bit.</div>
</div>
</div>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">
<div> 
<p>You know the damage this did to you (and likely your sister). Why are you recreating this dynamic? It is an unhealthy attitude toward food and between each other.</p>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<p> I agree with these things.  For kids, food becomes a big deal when you make it a big deal, and you are making it a big deal.  I think you are running a big risk of an eating disorder with your DD when she gets older.  It doesn't sound like either of them are eating unhealthy in the least. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>One thing I would like you to think about....you never mentioned how much activity the kids really engage in.  You don't have to post it here, but if you honestly think about it, do the kids get enough activity?  It's very very common in today's world for kids to not get enough activity.  It's too easy to keep them inside because it's too cold in the winter, or it's too hot in the summer, or it's not a safe neighborhood or whatever.  I fell into that trap with my oldest, not ensuring she had enough activity in the winter and she did end up teetering on that overweight line in early elementary school.  Since then, I try to get a memebership to the rec center and go swimming or whatever regularly. </p>

 

[One_Girl]

<p>Where is your dd height wise?  Is she starting to show some signs of puberty?  Does she get a lot of exercise and outside time?  If she is in a high height percentile she should be high for weight to.  If she is nearing the age where puberty may be starting (8-12 is average) then her body may be putting on weight to prepare for a growth spurt, my dd always gets a tummy then height when she grows.  I don't think you should worry so much right now because the difference between 50 and 90 for that age can be 2-3 pounds.  I think you should offer all of your children a wide variety of healthy foods and plenty of exercise without micromanaging the milk she gets.  Once she is a teenager you will be able to get a better idea of where she is going to be weight wise and whether you need to help her find a way to manage her weight or not. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>If your insurance covers a consultation with a Registered dietician I think you should take advantage of that to get your whole family on a plan that will help you all stay healthy no matter what your metabolism is.  I don't think that giving your son buttery fatty foods is the way to go.  It may help him gain weight, but weight isn't everything when you look at health, thin people have problems with cholesterol, blood pressure, and their heart just like the rest of us.  Helping him learn to eat fatty foods and treats is going to set him up for those problems even if he does gain a lot of weight.  Dr. Sears has some nutrition books that sound good, but I haven't read them yet.  He talks about retraining the taste buds in one of his newer books.</p>

 

[4evermom]

<p>Did you say how old your dd is?  I could hardly get my ds to eat when he was 4 and 5.  I'd feed him potato chips if he would eat them.  But then at 6, he just started gaining weight and is now down right chubby.  So I'm kind of laughing at myself about worrying about getting him to eat at age 5.  I don't try to control his food too much because I want him to have a healthy attitude towards food (anorexia is increasing in boys, probably due to all this BMI talk and fight against childhood obesity campaign).  I do try to minimize the low fat and high glycemic index foods (like pretzels) because they increase hunger.  I try to get him to eat the occasional fruit or vegetable (always a struggle due to very sensitive taste buds and texture issues).  And I try to give him opportunity to be active.  It is normal for prepubescent children to get chubby, so keep that in mind.</p>

 

[Marsupialmom]

<p>Your son sounds very normal for his age.  I have know many chunky kids thin out during that age just to chunk up right before puberty.  If he is eating well and is overall healthy relax. </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>How old is your daughter?  If she is in that pre-puberty phase she could be chunking up to grow on. Don't restrict calories but you might need to balance out good fats with her carbohydrates....but at times that does't help.  My 10 year old who is doing this "fatting" up to grown on yesterday ate 2 eggs, 3pieces of bacon for breakfast, then 30minutes later she age this HUGE,largest in the bag, baked potato....about 2 hours later she was eating again (don't know what), she ate a 10ich pizza all buy herself, and made a salad.  It is almost noon and today she she has eating half a cranberry muffin, complained they were to sweet and one healthy serving of lintels. <img alt="headscratch.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/headscratch.gif">.  That serving of lintels was far less than the eggs, bacon, and potato she ate during the same time frame.  She swings more from eating frenzy to barely eatting.  My other children just ate nonstop.  But all three have done this fatting up phase.  </p>

 

[elus0814]

<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>SeekingJoy</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1285388/one-child-overeating-and-gaining-too-much-the-other-not-eating-enough-and-not-gaining#post_16115282"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>elus0814</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1285388/one-child-overeating-and-gaining-too-much-the-other-not-eating-enough-and-not-gaining#post_16114947"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a>As a child I was chubby while my sister was not and I have awful memories of being served celery and carrot sticks while my sister was given chips or doughnuts for her and special k for me.</div>
</div>
<p>You know the damage this did to you (and likely your sister). Why are you recreating this dynamic? It is an unhealthy attitude toward food and between each other.</p>
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Storm Bride</strong> <a href="forum/thread/1285388/one-child-overeating-and-gaining-too-much-the-other-not-eating-enough-and-not-gaining#post_16114991"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>It sounds as though you're offering your dd a lot of carbs, and not many fats. This may be why she just keeps eating. ....</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I think offering them so many separate things, based on what you think they should be eating, instead of on what they want to eat, is a mistake. Let your son eat his popcorn without butter, if that's how he likes it...and let your dd eat it with butter, if that's how she likes it. It really sounds like there's an awful lot of focus on food, and a lot parental control (attempted, at least) over what thet get to eat and how much. I think you need to let go a little bit.</p>
<p> </p>
</div>
</div>
<p><br>
If your DD is not eating much protein and few fats, she likely is hungry. The diet you have put her on is likely contributing to her overeating by volume in order to feel satiated. What if you offer both kids the same healthy foods, with lots of healthy proteins and fats (avacados, beans, fish, olive oil, etc). Offer healthy snacks so neither kids gets on a blood sugar roller coaster and is tempted to overeat junk. Offer lots of veggies with meals. Offer a similar and appropriate portion of healthy fats and protein to each child. And then let it go. The parents job is to offer healthy foods, not micromanage food intake of either child.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I would also be more concerned about the long-term implications of trying to adjust your son's taste preferences to buttered, fatty, etc. This won't serve him well as an adult, even if he does have a life-long higher metabolism. It isn't the best way to make sure his diet is nutrient rich and varied.</p>
</div>
</div>
<p><br>
 </p>
<p>The whole point of this post is that I don't want to recreate that. I'm doing so by giving them both milk but lower calorie milk for one. That's a far cry from celery for one and chips for the other.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She eats t and fat in the form of peanut butter, other nuts, fish, and dairy. She gets plenty of both. I don't have her on a 'diet', she eats plenty and too much. She's not eating unhealthy food but is picky. I'm not 'micromanageing' food intake, I'm just trying to encourage eating habits that will serve them both well.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Didn't anyone actually read my post?!?!?</p>

 

[oaktreemama]

<p> </p>
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">
<div> 
<p>Didn't anyone actually read my post?!?!?</p>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<p> </p>
<p>Yes I did. And my post is going to respond to this:</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">
<div> We've tried to <strong>give our daughter plain veggies, popcorn, potatoes, etc</strong>. (she won't eat meat and never has) while <strong>giving our son buttered veggies, popcorn, and so</strong> on. Other than meat there are few foods she will not eat. <strong>He doesn't like things that are buttered or otherwise increased in calories and it makes our daughter annoyed that he is getting all the good food. We've even tried giving him ice cream while our daughter gets sorbet.</strong> They trade. When we have fruits and veggies out he will not eat enough so he needs high calorie foods. <strong>We've taken him out for high calorie food while our daughter gets to do a non food related active activity</strong></div>
</div>
</div>
<p> </p>
<p>So in essence you ARE giving your daughter celery and corrots while your son gets ice cream and butter. I too would suggest visiting a nutrionist if you can afford it/have insurance. I would also recommend reading Ellen Satter. She has several books and a website.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A quote from her website spells out her philosophy rather clearly:</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">
<div> 
<ul><li>
<div>Feed in the best way. Follow the division of responsibility in feeding</div>
</li>
<li>
<div>Limit television, and give your child opportunities to be active. Follow the division of responsibility in activity.</div>
</li>
<li>Feel good about the body your child <em>has</em>, not the one you <em>thought</em> she would have.</li>
</ul></div>
</div>
</div>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>You as the Mom decide when, what, and where. Your daughter and son decide whether and how much.</p>

 

[Alyantavid]

<p>I agree with the pp's.  You're setting them both up to have eating issues by feeding them differently.  Make a meal, with lots of healthy foods like fats, veggies, protein and let them eat.  They need to learn to listen to their bodies.  If your daughter isn't eating meat, she needs some source of protein and fat or she'll be hungry and then eat more.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I have one child who's very skinny and one who's a chunk.  They both eat the same foods and they decide when they're full.  We do sometimes have popcorn, chips, cookies, etc.  But those are limited.  They have free access to any healthy food in the house.</p>

 

[sapphire_chan]

<p> Putting on weight before puberty is normal, but I'd replace some of those fattening starches with some fat and protein. No wonder she'll snack all day, she's mostly getting foods that increase appetite. A couple of eggs fried up with some fatty meat would do wonders for helping her regulate her appetite.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>All the kids I know didn't gain much during their 5th year.</p>

 

[One_Girl]

<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>elus0814</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1285388/one-child-overeating-and-gaining-too-much-the-other-not-eating-enough-and-not-gaining#post_16116012"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>SeekingJoy</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1285388/one-child-overeating-and-gaining-too-much-the-other-not-eating-enough-and-not-gaining#post_16115282"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>elus0814</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1285388/one-child-overeating-and-gaining-too-much-the-other-not-eating-enough-and-not-gaining#post_16114947"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a>As a child I was chubby while my sister was not and I have awful memories of being served celery and carrot sticks while my sister was given chips or doughnuts for her and special k for me.</div>
</div>
<p>You know the damage this did to you (and likely your sister). Why are you recreating this dynamic? It is an unhealthy attitude toward food and between each other.</p>
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Storm Bride</strong> <a href="forum/thread/1285388/one-child-overeating-and-gaining-too-much-the-other-not-eating-enough-and-not-gaining#post_16114991"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>It sounds as though you're offering your dd a lot of carbs, and not many fats. This may be why she just keeps eating. ....</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I think offering them so many separate things, based on what you think they should be eating, instead of on what they want to eat, is a mistake. Let your son eat his popcorn without butter, if that's how he likes it...and let your dd eat it with butter, if that's how she likes it. It really sounds like there's an awful lot of focus on food, and a lot parental control (attempted, at least) over what thet get to eat and how much. I think you need to let go a little bit.</p>
<p> </p>
</div>
</div>
<p><br>
If your DD is not eating much protein and few fats, she likely is hungry. The diet you have put her on is likely contributing to her overeating by volume in order to feel satiated. What if you offer both kids the same healthy foods, with lots of healthy proteins and fats (avacados, beans, fish, olive oil, etc). Offer healthy snacks so neither kids gets on a blood sugar roller coaster and is tempted to overeat junk. Offer lots of veggies with meals. Offer a similar and appropriate portion of healthy fats and protein to each child. And then let it go. The parents job is to offer healthy foods, not micromanage food intake of either child.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I would also be more concerned about the long-term implications of trying to adjust your son's taste preferences to buttered, fatty, etc. This won't serve him well as an adult, even if he does have a life-long higher metabolism. It isn't the best way to make sure his diet is nutrient rich and varied.</p>
</div>
</div>
<p><br>
 </p>
<p>The whole point of this post is that I don't want to recreate that. I'm doing so by giving them both milk but lower calorie milk for one. That's a far cry from celery for one and chips for the other.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She eats t and fat in the form of peanut butter, other nuts, fish, and dairy. She gets plenty of both. I don't have her on a 'diet', she eats plenty and too much. She's not eating unhealthy food but is picky. I'm not 'micromanageing' food intake, I'm just trying to encourage eating habits that will serve them both well.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Didn't anyone actually read my post?!?!?</p>
</div>
</div>
<br><br><p>I read the original and your update where you talk about their percentiles before responding and I think you are doing things to repeat the cycle that are just as obvious and probably just as hurtful to your dd.  It isn't the doughnut and celery extreme, but kids are adept at knowing when a parent finds them lacking and there are other things you are doing to recreate your parents cycle by giving all the kids except her chocolate milk, bringing her to exercise instead of get a treat, giving them different treats related to what you think they should have instead of their tastes, giving him buttered food he doesn't want when she does want butter, etc...  I realize you are looking for ways to not do what your parents did to you, but part of that is probably going to involve recognizing what you are doing to recreate the cycle and making a plan to help your family stay healthy in ways that don't involve doing that.</p>

 

[GuildJenn]

<p>I agree with oaktreemama.  I really applaud you for looking for ideas and support.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But I do think you are recreating your family of origin's dynamic in your home.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I love Ellyn Satter's books, even though we don't follow the snacking rule to the letter. I'd really recommend them. How I would approach it is that I'd get rid of anything junky or super fatty, other than occasional treats distributed equally. I'd serve healthy meals and snacks at regular times.  Then I'd let each child decide how much to eat, and focus on being active as a family.  If, in 6 months to a year, there is a big problem (by which I mean -wildly- off each end), then I'd seek professional help. </p>

 

[Super~Single~Mama]

<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>elus0814</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1285388/one-child-overeating-and-gaining-too-much-the-other-not-eating-enough-and-not-gaining#post_16116012"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p> </p>
<p>The whole point of this post is that I don't want to recreate that. I'm doing so by giving them both milk but lower calorie milk for one. That's a far cry from celery for one and chips for the other.</p>
</div>
</div>
<br><br><p>Does your dd know that one carton of milk is hers, and the other is for her brother?  I seem to have missed her age, but I'm guessing she's older than the nearly 5yo?  If so, she totally knows what you're doing, and understands why.  Chocolate milk for one, and regular milk for the other is just terrible - it went over poorly for a reason.  The last thing you want is for her to grow up knowing that you think she's fat (which is the message she's getting).  Why not just serve one thing for everyone, which saves you LOTS of time, and saves them the problems of knowing that one of them is "too fat" to eat what you make, and the other is "too skinny" to eat it.  Which I know are not terms that you use with your kids, or would ever use, but that is the message they are getting.</p>
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<p>Make one breakfast, one lunch, and one dinner for the whole family.  Sit down and eat together.  Then, if you do dessert (which you don't have to - but if one person is left out so is everyone), do the same dessert for everyone, in a reasonable portion size (again, same portion for everyone). </p>
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<p>I agree that working with a nutritionist would be a great start, and maybe seeing a counselor too (for you) so that you can see why you are so concerned with you dd being overweight.  Are your kids involved in sports?  My little brother hardly ever ate ANYTHING except during soccer season - then he practically ate my parents out of house and home (until he turned 14, then he ate constantly for.....well, still does at 23).  My other brother ate my parents out of house and home his whole life - and was never above the 50% for weight (but he hates sweets, and loves Kimchee). </p>
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<p>I completely understand that you want your children to be healthy, and there are many ways to make sure they are.  I, for one, cannot eat low calorie foods and stay thin.  I stay at my optimum weight best when I snack on nuts (costco brand trailmix is the absolute yummiest thing IN THE WORLD to me), beans for protein, eggs for breakfast, I'm a big meat eater (I know that doesn't work for your dd - maybe post in the Veg section of Nutrition forum to ask about good protein/fat sources for vegetarians?), but I need tons of iron and tons of healthy yummy fats (avocado's are the best - guacamole is a great way to get people to eat avo's who aren't a fan).</p>

 

[~cassie]

<p>We have a similar issue.  2 skinny boys and one chubbier one(he's 3).  I do nothing different for them.  That is the way they are built, I'm not worried about their size.  In my experience, the best you can do is to create healthy, filling meals/snacks and serve to everyone.  To take one child for a treat and one to some form of exercise, is downright mean in my opinion.  I don't know about your kids, but my 5 yr old brags about everything he got to do that his siblings didn't, so they would easily know that they did different things.  Find a way to bulk up her meals so that she stays full longer.  I do not serve butter on anything, even to my skinny boys, adding unhealthy foods just to add calories is not a good idea.  My mom did it with me(I was born 4 lbs and stayed very skinny til I was about 7) and have now battled obesity for the last 10 years.  Not a good road to travel.  MIL also did it with her very skinny child, and now he(my dh) won't touch lots of foods b/c his mother was so obsessed.  I try to remember "my job is to serve a healthy, filling meal for my family.  It is their job to eat it."</p>

 

[tinybutterfly]

<p><span><img alt="hug.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug.gif"></span></p>
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<p><span>I know it can be worrisome and I know you are trying to do what's best for both of your children.</span></p>
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<p><span>I had one who was heavier and one who was much, much thinner and it is hard to sort out what to feed everyone when their needs are so different.</span></p>
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<p><span>It can also be hard to deal with other people's opinions or perceptions about what is too heavy, what is a healthy weight and what is too thin. Not everyone agrees on what these are.</span></p>
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<p><span>It must make it harder for you because you have strong memories of having different food from your sibling.</span></p>
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<p><span>I don't have any answers. I did the best I could, but I am sure I made mistakes. Dealing with food issues, weight issues ( whether too much or too little) and trying to be a good mom is a tough place to be.</span></p>
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<p><span>I just wanted to let you know you aren't alone. Lots of moms have been there. It's not as easy to address this issue as it may seem.</span></p>
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<p><span>Good luck however you decide to approach feeding your children to do what is best for each of them.</span></p>

 

[waiflywaif]

<p>To me this is a key part of your post:</p>
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<p> </p>
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
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<div>We've taken him to the doctor and they don't feel anything is wrong.</div>
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<p>Lots of kids (mine included) are even less than 30th percentile for weight. If he has energy to play and a doctor isn't concerned, who cares?</p>
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<p>Out of curiosity, does a doctor think your DD is too heavy?</p>