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i am divorced for almost 3 yrs now after ex left me for another woman. HE's only been with my 5 year old for about 10 hours/week, when i'm working. we had agreed he'd begin doing one overnight per week soon. All of the sudden he wants more time with her - even up to all weekend by the end of this year. the way i feel is that he left our family and has taken very little responsibility since then. he never takes her to the doctor, has only come to 1 school event, she doesn't even yet have a room at his house, etc. i don't want him to disrupt her life. she loves her life with me but wants more time with me since i work 30 hours/week. he does pay child support. i don't feel it's right for him to demand this. on the other hand, i want to do what's best by her. my therapist says that it's best for kids to have ONE home, and still have a good relationship with their other parent. still see them and stuff but to not have to go back and forth. My X is forcing me into mediation soon and i am trying to figure out what i think is best for her. She loves her dad and enjoys the short time she has with him. he handles that well for the most part but has major issues which i'm afraid will hurt her if she spends more time with her. he's anti AP and has a rage problem and smokes cigs and pot. he's a workaholic with major financial stresses.

any advice is much appreciated. I've been an emotional wreck the last few days thinking he would take her more than what is good for her and more than i'm wanting to let go.

Thanks

Seacatnp
 

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Nothing against your therapist of course. I have as much of a clue as anyone else. But I read a book (can't recall which now!) that they should feel at home in both places.

I'm in a similar situation (though it's only been 8 mos). X completely blew us off for the single life. He is getting his own townhouse (brand new-his mommy and daddy are buying it for their spoiled, selfish brat!)
in January and he plans to make rooms for each of them. I don't believe a lot that he says but this I believe and I want him to rebuild the relationships with them.

I think you should take baby steps towards what your X wants. Talk to your DD about it and see how she feels. Let her go overnight if she wants and then see how it goes. He does deserve the opportunity to be a better dad. It sounds like he's trying and although he totally dropped the ball, at least he's been consistent in seeing her although 10 hrs/wk is not a lot. He's maintained a relationship. And 5 is still young. It's not like she's 12 and now he wants weekend visits. If you all develop a nice routine, she'd probably benefit.

I hope you all can work this out.
 
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