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<p>I'm starting to question whether DH has some sort of mental disorder! This morning I turn around to see DS, who is almost 9, putting on his Chaco's (hiking sandals). It's freezing and has been for a couple weeks now. I say 'what are you doing? it's cold out there.' To which he replied 'it's okay, Mom, I've been wearing these all week!' Apparently, DS couldn't find his shoes Monday morning, so rather than helping him look, DH has been letting him wear sandals all week. I 'found' DS's shoes in about 15 seconds. DS attends Waldorf, which requires kids to wear soft shoes to school for indoor use. DH knows this. </p>
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<p>That's not the only thing that happened this morning, either. We have a roommate, and last night he and DH planned to carpool. Which is great, except for the fact that DH 'forgot' that his truck only seats two people and he had to take DS to school, as he does every morning.... so our roommate gets up, showers, comes upstairs with his jacket on and his backpack and DH was like 'oh, yeah, I don't have room for you after all.' He couldn't go downstairs and tell the poor guy before he woke up early and got ready? He said he remembered late last night - if it'd been me, and I'd promised someone a ride, knowing it was going to change their normal schedule, I'd at least have left them a highly visible note so they could choose to go back to bed or something!!</p>
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<p>When I had a migraine a couple weeks back, I asked him to watch the kids (it was his day off). Instead of taking them somewhere or even just outside (it was nice that day) he had them cooped up in the living room all day, five feet from my bedroom door. I kept asking him to do something else with them and he wouldn't.</p>
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<p>He also does stuff that is just totally off the wall I can't even believe it. Such as: piling dirty dishes in a crate and setting it out in the garage instead of washing them or leaving them for someone else to wash. I recently found a bunch of dishes that I'd been looking for for about two months out in the garage, still dirty. He also can't seem to put a diaper on after 19 months. Whenever he takes DD outside, she comes back with either chicken crap on her or a scrape of some sort.</p>
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<p>I could go on and on.</p>
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<p>These are just the latest examples; he does things like this quite often and it's starting to drive me insane. To be honest, it's so much easier without him here. </p>
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<p>I didn't post this in Parents as Partners because I don't want advice on how to deal with him on this; quite frankly, I don't think he can change and I just needed to blow off some steam.</p>
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<p>Anyway thanks for reading my vent.</p>
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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>BabyMae09</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1291055/one-of-these-days-he-s-going-to-really-mess-up-vent#post_16180610"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br>
He also does stuff that is just totally off the wall I can't even believe it. Such as: piling dirty dishes in a crate and setting it out in the garage instead of washing them or leaving them for someone else to wash. I recently found a bunch of dishes that I'd been looking for for about two months out in the garage, still dirty.</div>
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This is the part that makes me worried that he does have some kind of mental disorder. The other things are annoying (annoying to the extent that no one would blame you for choosing divorce rather than a life with someone who does those things), but are just absent minded sort of errors where he didn't think things through. They just become ominous when combined with handling dishes in that bizarre way.
 

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<p>My DH is very very absent minded, and when we were younger his behavior sounds pretty much exactly like your dh's.</p>
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<p>Did your DH feel like the roomate should have done dishes? In most of the situations I have lived in with roomates, dishes are the biggest point of contention and I have totally put them in a crate and taken them out of the kitchen to make a point that *i* am not the dish fairy.</p>
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<p>A lot of the behavior you described sounds like someone who could be diagnosed with ADD. My husband often makes desicions without thinking everything through because his mind is not really focused one what is going on.</p>
 

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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>BabyMae09</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1291055/one-of-these-days-he-s-going-to-really-mess-up-vent#post_16180610"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>I'm starting to question whether DH has some sort of mental disorder! This morning I turn around to see DS, who is almost 9, putting on his Chaco's (hiking sandals). It's freezing and has been for a couple weeks now. I say 'what are you doing? it's cold out there.' To which he replied 'it's okay, Mom, I've been wearing these all week!' Apparently, DS couldn't find his shoes Monday morning, so rather than helping him look, DH has been letting him wear sandals all week. I 'found' DS's shoes in about 15 seconds. DS attends Waldorf, which requires kids to wear soft shoes to school for indoor use. DH knows this. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>That's not the only thing that happened this morning, either. We have a roommate, and last night he and DH planned to carpool. Which is great, except for the fact that DH 'forgot' that his truck only seats two people and he had to take DS to school, as he does every morning.... so our roommate gets up, showers, comes upstairs with his jacket on and his backpack and DH was like 'oh, yeah, I don't have room for you after all.' He couldn't go downstairs and tell the poor guy before he woke up early and got ready? He said he remembered late last night - if it'd been me, and I'd promised someone a ride, knowing it was going to change their normal schedule, I'd at least have left them a highly visible note so they could choose to go back to bed or something!!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When I had a migraine a couple weeks back, I asked him to watch the kids (it was his day off). Instead of taking them somewhere or even just outside (it was nice that day) he had them cooped up in the living room all day, five feet from my bedroom door. I kept asking him to do something else with them and he wouldn't.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He also does stuff that is just totally off the wall I can't even believe it. Such as: piling dirty dishes in a crate and setting it out in the garage instead of washing them or leaving them for someone else to wash. I recently found a bunch of dishes that I'd been looking for for about two months out in the garage, still dirty. He also can't seem to put a diaper on after 19 months. Whenever he takes DD outside, she comes back with either chicken crap on her or a scrape of some sort.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I could go on and on.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>These are just the latest examples; he does things like this quite often and it's starting to drive me insane. To be honest, it's so much easier without him here. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I didn't post this in Parents as Partners because I don't want advice on how to deal with him on this; quite frankly, I don't think he can change and I just needed to blow off some steam.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Anyway thanks for reading my vent.</p>
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<br><br><p>The shoes things would not bother me for a 9 year old.  I wouldn't be looking for his shoes.  There is no reason the 9 year old could not find them for himself.  I would have told him that was the last day and he couldn't do anything until he found the correct shoes for school. </p>
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<p>With the migraine headache. My dh and I both get them.  My dh does not care if the kids are in the other room.  I do!  I don't suggest I tell him to take the kids to someplace order.  Make a command, not giving an option. "My head is splitting take them to the library." is so much more affective. </p>
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<p>DD coming back with scrapes doesn't bother me!  But, I do wonder if your dh has ADD/ADHD.  Some of the things you describe seems to be that way.  Hiding dishes, well I would look into how his family handled things.  This could be a sign of an eating disorder or an abusive/bad parenting.  I drive my dh nuts because I wont flush the toilet at night...this grosses him out once a month...but it goes back to being afraid of waking other people in the house. Oddly it wasn't my parents that made me afraid, but brother, sister, and Grandparental punishment that did.  It could be your dh developed an odd coping skill/habit to stay out of trouble when he was unable to meet someones demand, or felt he had to sneak food.  </p>
 

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<p>That sounds totally frustrating, and I agree, stashing the dirty dishes in the garage is ...odd. I don't think it means he's mentally ill.  But yes, what you describe demonstrates pretty disorganized thinking.  May I ask how old is your dh?</p>
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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
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He's 28.</p>
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<p>Oh, and to another PP - yes, DS should find his own shoes, but if they're going out the door to school then it becomes the parent's job to make sure their kid is properly outfitted to the school's rules and the weather outside.</p>
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<p>Another thing was that he totally didn't see the roommate/ride thing as an issue. He was like 'it doesn't matter.'</p>
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>journeymom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1291055/one-of-these-days-he-s-going-to-really-mess-up-vent#post_16180878"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>That sounds totally frustrating, and I agree, stashing the dirty dishes in the garage is ...odd. I don't think it means he's mentally ill.  But yes, what you describe demonstrates pretty disorganized thinking.  May I ask how old is your dh?</p>
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<p>My husband has done the same or similar things. Obviously I have a hard time dealing with it at times. I understand sometimes you need to vent. <span><img alt="hug2.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug2.gif"></span></p>
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<p><span>Sometimes I think we need a tribe where we can vent about our spouses, crack jokes about them or the situation, and deal with it on our own without getting advice, even if the relationship is bordering on abusive (or downright abusive) at times. Sometimes we just need a hug and need others to commiserate so we don't feel alone. </span></p>
 

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<p>I can see my dh doing that with the dishes. <img alt="lol.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/lol.gif"></p>
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<p>Except the garage is too far from the kitchen.  He will stack pots and pans on the floor or trash.  Drives me nuts.  Part of the issue, I think, is he sometimes waits until he is too hungry and then he gets frustrated with the things in his way.  Then, he eats in the next room and forgets to go back and undo his weirdness.  Or something.</p>
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<p>The shoe thing with the 9 yo wouldn't phase me.  My ds would complain to me if it bothered him and he couldn't find his shoes without help.  </p>
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<p>Not realizing 3 people don't fit in a 2 seater vehicle is odd if he drives ds every day, not once in a while...</p>
 
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<p>Except for the dishes thing, I could see my DH doing these things, too. And the dishes thing wouldn't be too far off, to be perfectly honest. He's hidden other things I've asked him to clean or put away.</p>
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<p>The truck, though... don't most regular truck cabs have three seatbelts in them? My daddy drove an old '87 Toyota pickup all through my childhood and it had two shoulder harness belts and a middle lap belt. One of us kids could sit in the middle seat. It wasn't comfortable; we'd have to straddle the gearshift, but it was tolerable for a short ride to school or something.</p>
 

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AD(H)D . . .. first things you wrote about could have been my DH unmedicated.<br><br>
The dishes are a bit weird, though, as are ignoring your requests that he takes the kids elsewhere when you have a migraine.
 

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<p>It all sounds kind of passive-aggressive, too.  Like keeping the kids 5 feet from your bedroom door when he's in charge.... almost like he was hoping that you'd get so fed up that you would return to the family and he wouldn't be responsible anymore.  And the thing with the roommate- like he didn't want to carpool after all, but also didn't want to just 'fess up about it, either.</p>
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<p>I dunno.  I would call it on it every time.  Like, that crate of dishes from the garage would be under his pillow. Or spread out on his laptop.  Or in his car.   And if he and the kids didn't leave the house when I had a headache, *I* would leave and check into a nice hotel with room service and free movies.  And make DH pay out of his monthly allowance.</p>
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<p><span><img alt="mischievous.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/mischievous.gif"></span></p>
 

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<p><br>
I'm so ashamed... but if I"m late for work and I find a cup or dish or glass etc in my car sometimes I'll set it on a box in the garage, with the idea that I'll bring it in when I come home through the garage. But I forget everytime. I do the craziest things, but I swear I'm not crazy.</p>
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>sapphire_chan</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1291055/one-of-these-days-he-s-going-to-really-mess-up-vent#post_16180771"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>BabyMae09</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1291055/one-of-these-days-he-s-going-to-really-mess-up-vent#post_16180610"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br>
He also does stuff that is just totally off the wall I can't even believe it. Such as: piling dirty dishes in a crate and setting it out in the garage instead of washing them or leaving them for someone else to wash. I recently found a bunch of dishes that I'd been looking for for about two months out in the garage, still dirty.</div>
</div>
This is the part that makes me worried that he does have some kind of mental disorder. The other things are annoying (annoying to the extent that no one would blame you for choosing divorce rather than a life with someone who does those things), but are just absent minded sort of errors where he didn't think things through. They just become ominous when combined with handling dishes in that bizarre way.</div>
</div>
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