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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Ok, so my dd is not crawling or pulling up or using any muscles basically. And I suspect this is because she is usually in the sling or in my lap or on my hip. At the PT's suggestion, I am working with her on the floor daily. Not leaving her alone, but sitting with her. And she screams and fusses the whole time. She just wants to be in my lap playing. And if I get up from the table while we're eating to refill a drink or get more food or anything...for seconds...she screams bloody murder. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:<br><br>
You would think I would know what to do, since she's my second...but I have no idea. I remember separation anxiety, but nothing like this.<br><br>
Please, please help me. I don't want to abandon her but I also don't want to hinder her development or encourage her to scream for what I want.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> mama, that sounds tough. How long has this been happening? Maybe she doesn't feel well? Teething? Sorry I don't have any great ideas but wanted to offer some <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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This is happening to me as we speak. Both my six month old and my 22 month old LOVE to be held. And not just held, but standing up and being held so you can imagine to armload. What I do with my oldest is hold her and then try to distract her and put her down slowly and stand beside her until she is involved in the activity. With the youngest I just let her scream for a while if I know all her basic needs are met...I mean I gotta pee sometime during the day!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>leomom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10301315"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Ok, so my dd is not crawling or pulling up or using any muscles basically.</div>
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This worries me. You mention you think she's not crawling or walking because you hold her all the time, but maybe there is a different underlying issue that is causing the problems, and one of the side-effects is she wants to be held all the time (e.g., maybe she is uncomfortable or in pain?). I have no idea, just speculating. Anyway, it sounds like you have her in PT, but I wonder if you've explored any kind of alternative approaches -- perhaps chiropractic, and I also highly recommend <a href="http://www.iahe.com/html/therapies/cst.jsp" target="_blank">craniosacral therapy</a> (which is sometimes practiced by physical therapists, as well as chiros or massage therapists, or anyone who has had the training). My friend is a physical therapist and her ds had a variety of issues that seemed to be slowing his development. She had him in PT, but they were telling her he might be extremely delayed in his crawling, walking etc. She took him for two (TWO!) craniosacral therapy appointments (with a massage therapist who is highly trained in CST), and everyone at the PT office was absolutely floored by the change. Needless to say, her ds went on to all of his milestones on a normal timeline. If you're interested in finding a CS therapist, you can search <a href="http://www.iahp.com/" target="_blank">here</a>. Make sure they've taken CSI, CSII, SERI and CSP at a bare minimum. Call and ask how often they work with kids -- kids take special training (the CSP class) but it's good to have lots of experience with them as well.<br><br>
Also, CST can address emotional issues as well (helped my dd heal from birth trauma), so if there is an underlying emotional cause to your dd not wanting to be separated from you, it should be able to uncover that and help her process it.<br><br>
FWIW, we see the aforementioned massage therapist, and she charges $30 for a 30 minutes session for kids ($65 for an hour session for adults -- I see her also and it is AMAZING!).<br><br>
Good luck <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">.
 

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I don't know if the 2 are related. I mean, my DS is walking all around, but 99% of the time he is always wanting to be held, and if I walk a foot away from him in the same room he goes berserk.
 

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I guess I'd also be looking for an underlying cause to the lack of pulling up, not wanting to use muscles, and so on.<br><br>
My kids spent plenty of time in the sling but still were within normal developmental ranges on crawling, sitting, pulling up and so on.<br><br>
If you're seeing a PT, does that mean you've already consulted with a pediatrician?
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Thanks, Mamas. I am consulting with my pedi. and a PT. I will ask my pedi. tomorrow about CST.<br><br>
But please someone tell me what to do about the separation anxiety. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"><br><br>
By the way, I have established that she isn't in any pain per se because she will move without any pain or fussing if she is on me.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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Hugs to you. My DS is 12 mos, and we just moved out of a 2-month separation anxiety phase. I know about the "just let him cry b/c I have to pee!"<br><br>
He also has gross motor delays, and one of the things our PT suggested might work for you. Sitting cross-legged on the floor, sit her on your lap at the ankles, facing outward. Put a toy in front of you both, or read a book on sitting on the floor. It helps them get stronger than sitting on the floor, because their legs are dangling and balancing them. DS loves it, and doesn't know he's working on strength training!<br><br>
Hope that helps.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>franklinmarxmom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10304596"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Hugs to you. My DS is 12 mos, and we just moved out of a 2-month separation anxiety phase. I know about the "just let him cry b/c I have to pee!"<br><br>
He also has gross motor delays, and one of the things our PT suggested might work for you. Sitting cross-legged on the floor, sit her on your lap at the ankles, facing outward. Put a toy in front of you both, or read a book on sitting on the floor. It helps them get stronger than sitting on the floor, because their legs are dangling and balancing them. DS loves it, and doesn't know he's working on strength training!<br><br>
Hope that helps.</div>
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That's very helpful. Thanks. I've been thinking I need to keep her on the floor and let her move around, but I love the idea of bonding with her while she's getting a workout!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"><br><br>
I'm going back to the pedi. today, so hopefully she can rule out anything major.<br><br>
And I think there's a tooth popping out, so maybe it's just that...<br><br>
Wouldn't it be great if they could just tell us what hurts or what is wrong?<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue">
 

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We had a rough patch of separation anxiety a while ago.<br><br>
I found that it was really helpful to talk to DD about what I was doing. If I wanted to go into the kitchen (5 feet away) I would warn her first about what I was going to do "mama's going to get a glass of water" and then I would do it telling her all the steps as I went. It was kind of ridiculous for a while - but it helped. I would make sure that she could see me all the time. Sometimes I would 'fill my glass' repeatedly while we were playing just to practice the separation. I found that days when I did that - it got alot better over the course of the play time. Every 5 or so minutes I would have some reason to go into the kitchen for 10 or 15 seconds.<br><br>
I also found that if I tried to sneak away - it really set us back. 1 morning of getting water could be entire undone by not talking to her once.<br><br>
After a couple months it got better. I was able to spend a little more time away from her - to use the washroom or load the dishwasher.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Kessed</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10310289"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">We had a rough patch of separation anxiety a while ago.<br><br>
I found that it was really helpful to talk to DD about what I was doing. If I wanted to go into the kitchen (5 feet away) I would warn her first about what I was going to do "mama's going to get a glass of water" and then I would do it telling her all the steps as I went. It was kind of ridiculous for a while - but it helped. I would make sure that she could see me all the time. Sometimes I would 'fill my glass' repeatedly while we were playing just to practice the separation. I found that days when I did that - it got alot better over the course of the play time. Every 5 or so minutes I would have some reason to go into the kitchen for 10 or 15 seconds.<br><br>
I also found that if I tried to sneak away - it really set us back. 1 morning of getting water could be entire undone by not talking to her once.<br><br>
After a couple months it got better. I was able to spend a little more time away from her - to use the washroom or load the dishwasher.</div>
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Great idea! Thanks, that's very helpful!!
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>leomom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10310380"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Great idea! Thanks, that's very helpful!!</div>
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It really felt like it was practice. She needed/wanted/would have to eventually learn that I would come back. So the more and more we practiced - she started to believe that I would and trust me. And I think that's why it helped to do it kind of intensively over a short period of time. Just like practicing any other skill.<br><br>
I felt bad at first - and then I realized that it isn't realistic to spend ALL day holding her. It was fine for a while - but it got to be too draining.<br><br>
Oh - I would try very hard everytime I came back to her to have a HUGE smile on my face and give her lots of kisses.
 
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