"only child syndrome" a bunch of crap

Thank You!!!

I worry about the only child thing a lot (DS is 3.5). The other day at Gymboree, DS took a class he hadn't been in before and I didn't know any of the moms. After class, we were milling around and I was chatting with a mom about her son. She said, "the other ladies and I were talking about our kids and their siblings....is your son an only child?" I felt like saying, "Why do you ask...are horns growing out of his head?"

I just don't think people understand how sensitive an issue this can be. I can't have more children b/c of a medical condition. But it really doesn't matter why you have an only child...no one likes to be told their child is going to be a manipulative, selfish and generally, not well adjusted just b/c they don't have siblings.

Sorry, I've gone off on quite a rant :

thanks again for posting the positive info.

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I know just what you mean!

My 10 yr old dd is an only, by choice. Besides other reasons for an only, I knew that having another child would probably financially force me to work more than I really want. I'd rather work less and have the time with my child, than have two children and not have the time for them because I have to work to pay for their needs.

I was informed recently by my oh-so-sweet SIL that onlies are self-centered, selfish, mean, etc. And all her only-friends are TOTALLY like that, so it must be true!

I had SUCH a hard time not saying "Um, aren't pretty much ALL your friends like that? You sure are."

But I refrained.

Honestly, most of my friends growing up were onlies, and the only conclusion I came to is... you can't come to conclusions based on one's sibling status! Sheesh!

That said, I still TOTALLY want two, for my own very selfish reasons. (And I have a sibling - but aren't only onlies selfish?! )

Both dh and I have siblings. Six year old dd is an only child by choice.
I've watched children we know with siblings and my dd seems more independant and happier about a lot of things.
I think there are a lot more advantages than disadvantages to our family of three.

My dh has a brother and a sister, I have two brothers. Dd will be an only by choice.
I get along well with both brothers.
DH has nothing to do with either sibling. We had to do everything when his dad was sick with cancer, had a heart attack and so on and so forth.

The only disadvantage sometimes I think dd may have is she is not used to being beaten up, picked on and so on, in other words she does not know how to be a bully. The kids in her pre-k class (she goes a few hours 3 x a week) that seem to have "behavior problems or issues" all have siblings. Dd had been looking out for a younger classmate and reported something to the teacher and me and later I did have the teacher point out to me that she thinks maybe "since dd doesn't have any brothers or sisters she is not used to seeing rough play and both x and y have brothers and are used to it" umm, yeah that's right and I don't allow it and do encourage MY dd to stand up for herself and others. That said, dd is very well liked though she can be rather quiet and shy, all the teachers from other grades, to administration to music to the speech teacher love her to death.
And for the record we all love her teacher and she watches the kids closely on the days dd is attending there is only 8 kids on two days and 10 one day mostly all boys with a few girls sprinkled in makes for an interesting mix.

I love going on her field trips, helping out in the classrooms and not worrying about favoritism. I have YET to find a family that the parents have not shown blatant favoritism to one child where the others have not picked up on it; sorry just a pet peeve of mine.

I have a 3.5MO boy, and boy, ley me tell you. He's the only baby I ever want. He's delightful, sweet, bright, and very easy going. I know that if I ever had another baby, that would take so much away from him. Trips to the zoo, and museums, and the park. Going to the movies, going out to eat, on vacation, etc.

And, when the time comes, getting him a car and sending him to college will also be a much easier financial situation. I always pictured myself with two children, but in the last few months of pregnancy, I just sort of knew. I would never go through what I went through again. I had a terrible pregnancy. Horrible.

I am happy with just the three of us. I have two brothers. I'm the oldest. I always wished that I was an only.. I'm choosing to have an only for pretty selfish reasons. I just ask myself this question:

When this boy is dressing himself, brushing his own teeth, going to the bathroom in the toilet of his own will.. When he's walking and talking and pretty independant.. Do I ever want to go through it all again?

The answer is no. I'm happy with my one baby.. and I feel like I'd be cheating him if I took myself away from him.

I'm not an only child and I am an only child, at the same time.

I have two half sisters and two step brothers. My two half sisters have the same father (but a diff father than me) and are 11 and 15 years older than me. I lived with them only for a short time when I was really young. My parents divorced when I was 5 or 6, and then my dad remarried shortly after that. I then had step-brothers; one is my age and one is 6 years older.

Anyway... I lived with my mom most of the time, just her and I, and was intensely lonely. She worked a lot and always came home late. I had to take care of myself, much of the house, and essentially "grow up too fast". I saw my dad, step-mom & step-brothers every Weds & every other weekend, so I had a taste of sibling life too. I don't know what I would have done if I had to live like that all the time either, haha. The point is, it's all how you handle it. I don't agree with the way my parents raised me, period. I don't think being an only child or having siblings really has anything to do with it.

It's a personal choice, and people have no right to be up in other people's business like that.

I'm an only child, and you know what sucks about being and only child? When people find out you are an only, roll their eyes and say stupid crap to you like "Oh, so you were really spoiled huh?" or "I guess your parents were afraid they would have another one like you." I think it was worse for my mom, she had a dalcon shield after me, and had to have a radical hysterectomy so she couldn't have anymore. But who wants to say that to someone at a cocktail party who makes a stupid only child comment to them?

On the other hand, now as an adult I find it difficult being an only child. I have no one to share memories with. I worry about the sole responsibility of caring for my parents as they age. My mom is mentally ill, and I did not have a great childhood, it's hard not having anyone who remembers things the way I do, or who can commiserate with me.

We are not planning on more children either. My dh was an only and is the most generous, kind, loving person I know. Much more than me, and I have a sibling
My brother and I rarely see each other or talk. We get along ok, but did not get along as children.
I do not want more children for many reasons, but the most being that I feel so complete right now.