Oooops! Cat's out of the bag!

867 Views 11 Replies 8 Participants Last post by Pookie Bear's Mama, Apr 11, 2006

lillake

Discussion Starter · Apr 4, 2006

My old midwife apparently called to see how I was doing. But since I never expected her to just call I didn't let her know my new number, and instead she called the other number she had which was for my MIL. Apparently my MIL questioned her about why she was calling and my too sweet midwife let her know nothing was wrong she was just wondering how I was doing now since I hadn't seen her in months. Oooops!

So now after a call from my MIL I'm officially the worst parent in the world because you know that all babies have horrible, tramatic births and they would all die if there wasn't somebody there to keep them alive.

: I know I didn't handle it the best way, I wasn't expecting this sudden call and the list of accusations being flung at me and I felt a bit cornered and reacted as such.

*sigh* I hope I can get to DH before his mother does, he's never been 100% supportive of this anyway. I hope to print off what info I can find this weekend to show her I'm not some crazy chick doing whatever just for the hell of it. Short of beating her over the head what else can I do? If I know her she'll be camped out on my front porch, cell phone in hand, waiting to call 911 and child services the second she even suspects I might be in labor.

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majazama

· #2 · Apr 5, 2006

: Why won't people just leave birth ALONE!

Don't let them get to you. You can give birth beautifully, just like you always dreamed. Good luck getting you DH more on your side.

That sucks having a MIL like that, jees!

: Let her know EXACTLY how you feel about the whole thing! Don't hold back. If you are passionate enough, they should just leave you alone.

Good Luck!

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littleteapot

· #3 · Apr 5, 2006

That really, really sucks.

BUT, don't fret too much.
While CPS has to respond to all calls, if they ever showed up you just let them in and let them look around. Don't say anything unless you're directly asked, and don't offer any more information than was intended by the question. Clean your house, be nice, and once they realize you're not a druggie they'll just leave and close the case. To prove that you are endangering your unborn (or just born) they have to show that birth is inherently dangerous. They can't. CPS can't get involved in unassisted birth stuff, their only concern is that you're not a heroin addict having a baby in a back alley and dumping it. Once that's ruled out there's no more questions.

Cops won't bother to show up, and if an ambulance is called you can answer the door in a cheery mood and say, "Oh, I'm so sorry! There's been a mix-up, this is a planned homebirth! My mother in law is against homebirths and doesn't understand what is going on. If you like, you can sit on the couch and wait until it's over. I'm about five centimeters dilated now so you've probably got another nine hours at least. Would you like some tea?"

They're not going to stay, they have better things to do with their time!

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kaylee18

· #4 · Apr 10, 2006

Nononononononono.

Do not ever ever so much as let CPS look into your house over your shoulder without a court order that you have read.

Not ever.

Also tell them nothing at all without their having a court order. See CPSWatch for details.

It is extremely naive to think that CPS will leave you alone if you haven't done anything illegal. This has repeatedly not been the case. You need to know and to defend your rights.

Emergency medical personnell are a completely different oyster. You may let them in your home (once you've clarified who exactly they are) and then sign their refusal-of-services form. Emergency medical responders have very clear-cut and well-followed policies preventing them from forcing services on you without consent. They are also used to being told "no." CPS fails on both counts.

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Unoppressed MAMA Q

· #5 · Apr 10, 2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by littleteapot
That really, really sucks.

BUT, don't fret too much.
While CPS has to respond to all calls, if they ever showed up you just let them in and let them look around. Don't say anything unless you're directly asked, and don't offer any more information than was intended by the question. Clean your house, be nice, and once they realize you're not a druggie they'll just leave and close the case. To prove that you are endangering your unborn (or just born) they have to show that birth is inherently dangerous. They can't. CPS can't get involved in unassisted birth stuff, their only concern is that you're not a heroin addict having a baby in a back alley and dumping it. Once that's ruled out there's no more questions.

Cops won't bother to show up, and if an ambulance is called you can answer the door in a cheery mood and say, "Oh, I'm so sorry! There's been a mix-up, this is a planned homebirth! My mother in law is against homebirths and doesn't understand what is going on. If you like, you can sit on the couch and wait until it's over. I'm about five centimeters dilated now so you've probably got another nine hours at least. Would you like some tea?"

They're not going to stay, they have better things to do with their time!

littleteapot, i really, really appreciate your enthusiasm and positive attitude.
while the reality you paint is an absolute possibility, it is far from guaranteed. if MIL embelishes her 'report' a little, there could easily be a police accompaniment to the tea party...

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cottonwood

· #6 · Apr 10, 2006

Lillake, how's it going? Any new developments?

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Unoppressed MAMA Q

· #7 · Apr 10, 2006

i have to add more thoughts.
it really seems like MIL needs some serious education. if that doesn't do it, she seems like someone who should not be part of your DCs lives.
THAT said, if education won't do it and you're not willing to give her the boot, can you just lie to her and tell her you switched midwives? that the other one committed some minor infraction and you're choosing someone more suited?

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lillake

Discussion Starter · #8 · Apr 10, 2006

Thanks everyone.

After a few rough days of barely talking the MIL has seemed to blown it off, or at elast is acting like everything is ok. I'm still keeping my guard up, but I feel safer now that DH has made his stand by refusing to talk to his mother. That might be part of what made her get over it. He's not 100%, but at least when I told him about her acting as if it was some horrible medical emergency he laughed.

I've got roughly 9 more weeks, give or take. I'm getting into Amazon Warrior mode to finish this out.

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majazama

· #9 · Apr 10, 2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by lillake

I've got roughly 9 more weeks, give or take. I'm getting into Amazon Warrior mode to finish this out.

you go grrl!

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geekmediainc

· #10 · Apr 10, 2006

It almost sounds like if this ended up a good experience. Your partially supportive husband now sounds like he is standing by his woman and shunning his Mom for being against what you (THE MOMMA) wants!

I'm proud of your husband for sticking up for his wife. Excellent work!

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littleteapot

· #11 · Apr 10, 2006

Wow, sorry about that, then.
From all I've heard and been told about CPS involvement in UC that's pretty much all that happened. You cooperate and only speak when spoken to and then they get lost... I heard quite a few personal stories and the first thing I've *ever* heard about CPS taking a child because of UC and no other reason was on this board.

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Pookie Bear's Mama

· #12 · Apr 11, 2006

just stand your ground and you will be okay! im so sorry it happened this way for you.

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