Originally Posted by blondemama
It would just be easier if he weren't around. He's just another kid I have to deal with.
I think you need to go into divorce more realistically. You might be getting rid of one but you are going to gain a few more. Divorce will not cure all your discord with him.
1.You will not ever truly be rid of your ex. His is your children's father. You will be loosing him as a husband but not as your children's father.
2.Financially statistically you will be worse off (but your husband sounds like my ex and you will be trading one state of financial poor for another so it won't matter much. I actually looked at it this way-at least I know I am broke and the money is not spent on something stupid.)
3.Your children will have to learn mom's rules at mom's house; Dad's rules at his house. REMEMBER THIS: No matter what you do most likely you will always be the evil parent. Your children will most likely let you know this, constantly. (Right before and after visits they love to let you know your evilness).
4.You have to learn you cannot control what goes on in his house. This will most likely drive you absolutely nuts.
5.You will pick up a new problem his girl friend/new wife. She most likely will believe his story that you are an evil #@$#@ and that she knows it all.
6.You will have to learn that you cannot see them every Christmas morn and birthdays.
7.You will have to learn to bite your tounge at your child's birthday. He does not respect or help you out now; he will not care after and still undermine you. *********The up side to this you can say NO, NOT IN MY HOME. Take it to your dad.
8.You will hear BUT DAD LETS ME. (again remember not in my home).
9.They will always come home from their fathers sick. He will complain that you send them to him sick. ***Best bet treat them getting sick at his house as Murphy' s Law. They pick up germs during the week at school and get sick at his home.
10.He will develop and new found interest in his kids. He will most likely want to know what you are doing wrong when something happens bad with the children. It is all your fault.
I have been divorced for 9 years. My ex husband is 7.5 years behind in child support. He does not call, write, or visit. Luckly, my child does not blame himself or me yet. But in reality I know sometime he might. Right now, he sees it as his bio-dad was not ready to be a father. I know sooner or later he will have emotional issues with this.
My ex was not abusive and much like your husband. Just don't go into a divorce as it going to cure all your problems. You are trading problems. Sometimes this trade is worth it, for me it was but first I had to deal with my issues. Divorce is not a magical fairy that brings instant relief and joy.