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could use some suggestions on dealing with our housemate leaving. she has been here since ds was born (4 years) and now she has a good job and is moving.

originally she told us she was leaving in november, so we figurd that would be ample time for him to get used ot her being away 10.5 hours a day, 5 days a week. (she's been working all crazy part time hours) suddenly 2 weeks ago she announced she had found an appt. and was moving in august. (she doesn't want the commute)

ds adores her and we aren't really sure how to handle her leaving. while he seems to do better when he has all the info, the anticapation of things seems very hard for him. when we got ready to take the wallpaper down in our bedroom he was a wreak, crying and pleading with us not to take it down, but one we did and we painted he was fine.

so, i want to tell him what is happening, but don't want to draw it out long term.

WWYD?
 

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I have a son who never did well with surprises. He needed to be informed all the time, so he knew what was coming. Just be honest with your son, but let him know your housemate is leaving for positive reasons, to better her life and situation. Is there a possibility that you could have him help with her move, maybe take him to the new place ahead of time. Let him be involved in this important step in your housemate's life. If you have a picture of him or something he has made that you're willing to part with, let him know it will have a place of honor in her new home.

Hope this helps some.
 

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You might take a bunch of photos of her, or them together, before she moves. Make a photo album that he can have free access to whenever he wants to think about all the fun things they did together. I'd discuss that lavishly and joyfully. Perhaps, planning some dinners out with her, or having her come over on a periodic basis (weekly or monthly) could help to make the transition less of a loss. Perhaps sending her cards and letters, making an occasional phone call to just say hi. Maybe asking her to sign the backs of some photos that you mail to ds "from her" if she isn't able or willing to do so directly herself. Then he could be receiving mail from her, even if you are doing the actual mailing process.


Taking videos or writing a story book about some of their activities together might help to retell the joyful parts of her in your lives.

Anyway, something along that line to keep the memories alive as they are not replaced as frequently. Creating alternative special relationships with other adults is another area to develop.

Pat
 
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