Ugh! Okay, I'm finally posting about this.....
DH and I have a much better relationship/situation than a lot of people. I realize that. I'd say everything but our romantic relationship is fantastic!
When you stack it against things like him: being a good provider, wonderful father, respectful to me, etc. it may seem like small potatoes.
But....I really want some assemblance of passion and it's absolutely nil in that department.
Here's the story....may be a little long, please bear with me.....
We met and before long we were seeing each other almost daily. There was some passion in the beginning....but after even just 2 months I noticed a difference.
After just 6 months I was pregnant. He wasn't estatic, but he did stick around. And believe me, he had every out. Even 'till my last months I never made any presumtions about even moving in. I made sure that he had every out possible. I was willing to go it alone if he wanted to just end it....I was very sensitive to this because his first marriage was because he'd gotten his girlfriend pregnant....they were both very young.
But, I did move in. When DS was 2 1/2 we finally got married so I'd finally have health insurance. It didn't change much with us....sometimes we even forget that we're actually married. Wasn't much of a big deal.
We've been together for nearly 5 years now. After those first couple months there hasn't been much, if any, passion. I've talked it to death with him and he insists that it's his issues, has nothing to do with my looks, etc. He does say that I'm the one....but he doesn't act like it. He does fear that I'll leave him, but if you had a great housekeeper, farmhand and nanny wouldn't you be worried about that too?
We're quite civil, say I love you a lot, there's a peck on the lips everyday and every so often a grab or two.
Anything physical is started by me because I get tired of waiting for him....and it's gotten to the point that I only try once a month or so because I'm so tired of being let down.
There's always some reason for him not expressing love for me physically or even with a few sincere words. I really feel like I'm last on the "to do" list and since there's always way more "to do" than there's time for I just get left out.
I know not everyone equates a physical relationship with love, but I do love him and I really really need the physical aspect of it. Even if it's just a loving/passionate look from him or something. I've never even been told I'm beautiful, cute, etc. Ever. I realize I'm not much to look at, but if you've decided to share a life with someone you should at least be able to stand to look at them everyday.
And he jokes a lot. I realize that's his way and I used to love that, but when that's all you hear and you never ever hear anything sincere it turns ugly. He doesn't mean it that way but I'm bitter about not hearing any sincerity or loving words from him so the joking just seems like a kick in the gut and I take it personally even though he doesn't mean it that way.
I just feel very unappreciated, unloved and in need of a major passionate show from him.
I know he has issues from his ex-wife, and growing up in a great family but not a very physically loving one.
But I've survived those issues as well, coupled with molestation from my childhood. I just feel like since I've overcome so much he should be able to try harder.
Am I being crazy? Expecting too much?
DH and I have a much better relationship/situation than a lot of people. I realize that. I'd say everything but our romantic relationship is fantastic!
When you stack it against things like him: being a good provider, wonderful father, respectful to me, etc. it may seem like small potatoes.
But....I really want some assemblance of passion and it's absolutely nil in that department.
Here's the story....may be a little long, please bear with me.....
We met and before long we were seeing each other almost daily. There was some passion in the beginning....but after even just 2 months I noticed a difference.
After just 6 months I was pregnant. He wasn't estatic, but he did stick around. And believe me, he had every out. Even 'till my last months I never made any presumtions about even moving in. I made sure that he had every out possible. I was willing to go it alone if he wanted to just end it....I was very sensitive to this because his first marriage was because he'd gotten his girlfriend pregnant....they were both very young.
But, I did move in. When DS was 2 1/2 we finally got married so I'd finally have health insurance. It didn't change much with us....sometimes we even forget that we're actually married. Wasn't much of a big deal.
We've been together for nearly 5 years now. After those first couple months there hasn't been much, if any, passion. I've talked it to death with him and he insists that it's his issues, has nothing to do with my looks, etc. He does say that I'm the one....but he doesn't act like it. He does fear that I'll leave him, but if you had a great housekeeper, farmhand and nanny wouldn't you be worried about that too?
We're quite civil, say I love you a lot, there's a peck on the lips everyday and every so often a grab or two.
Anything physical is started by me because I get tired of waiting for him....and it's gotten to the point that I only try once a month or so because I'm so tired of being let down.
There's always some reason for him not expressing love for me physically or even with a few sincere words. I really feel like I'm last on the "to do" list and since there's always way more "to do" than there's time for I just get left out.
I know not everyone equates a physical relationship with love, but I do love him and I really really need the physical aspect of it. Even if it's just a loving/passionate look from him or something. I've never even been told I'm beautiful, cute, etc. Ever. I realize I'm not much to look at, but if you've decided to share a life with someone you should at least be able to stand to look at them everyday.
And he jokes a lot. I realize that's his way and I used to love that, but when that's all you hear and you never ever hear anything sincere it turns ugly. He doesn't mean it that way but I'm bitter about not hearing any sincerity or loving words from him so the joking just seems like a kick in the gut and I take it personally even though he doesn't mean it that way.
I just feel very unappreciated, unloved and in need of a major passionate show from him.
I know he has issues from his ex-wife, and growing up in a great family but not a very physically loving one.
But I've survived those issues as well, coupled with molestation from my childhood. I just feel like since I've overcome so much he should be able to try harder.
Am I being crazy? Expecting too much?
