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<p>Tomorrow morning at 8:00 am, I hand my dfd off for the last time with all of her clothing and favorite toys.  She is 2.5.  She has been with us since she was 4 weeks old.  Ours, as all others, is an intricate story, one I am not certain about it's ending.  I don't know yet whether mom has the strength to do right by dear little one.</p>
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<p>And tonight, I don't care.  I am just broken. <span><img alt="brokenheart.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/brokenheart.gif" style="width:20px;height:15px;"></span></p>
 

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Oh mama, hugs to you! I can't imagine... I hope you are able to give yourself the time you need to grieve/rage/cry/whatever. On behalf of the larger community, thank you for setting her on the right path, for teaching her how to receive love and to know the world can be a safe place - those lessons will be apart of her bones even if she faces challenges ahead.
 

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<p>I'm so sorry. <img alt="hug.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug.gif"></p>
 

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<p>Large Hugs mama :(  My heart breaks for you, and my heart soars for this awesome job you have taken on by loving a little one that needed you!  You are an inspiration, not that that matters right now :(  Wishing you alll the best. I hope you have someone you are able to talk to to deal with this grief....</p>
 

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<p>I know that today is going to be an absolutely horrible day for your whole family.  I just hope that her "mother" realizes that she's over her head with a toddler and a newborn and says something.  Or that the aunt lets you know when there's something you need to know.  I have to think that she will.  She kept texting you when she was babysitting to ask you questions about relatively inconsequential things,  I can't help but think (and hope) that she'll be keeping an eye on both mom and the little one.</p>
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<p>(((HUGS))) to you, your DH, and the kids. </p>
 

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<p>I am so sorry.  I am thankful you have been able to provide this darling girl with a good situation for so long, but I feel heartbroken for you about handing her over with so many questions still about the mother's abilities.  I am just...sorry.  Please know that all of us are thinking of you.</p>
 

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<p>Hugs to you.  I'm so sorry for your heartache.</p>
 

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<p>Thinking of you and your family.</p>
 

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<p>Thank you for all the kind words.  It certainly could have gone better today.  We agreed on 8:00 am last night through texting.  We live two hours apart.  She was coming to get dfd.  At 7:00 am, I got a text saying, "We're on X road, [minutes away] we need to get her early."  I wrote back and said, "No, she will be ready at 8:00."  Dfd's grandma sends me a text, "No, I need to leave, so you need to hand her over early."  So I wrote back, "No, your daughter is refusing us visitation after this, so we will savor our last hour.  You chose to come up here knowing full well we had agreed on 8:00.  That's on you. I have a good friend in the local PD, do I need to call them over?"  I never heard back, but rather they pulled into our driveway moments before 8:00.  However, it made it awful.  As soon as they started texting me, the anxiety flooded, and I had a panic attack complete with shaking and an inability to breathe.  I locked myself in the bathroom and talked on the phone to a dear friend to calm down, but it didn't have to be that way.  I couldn't believe they schemed to take that last time from me, the moments which probably will be my last.  It was devastating and we were shattered after that.  We held it together and stayed as positive as possible, but she sensed something was wrong.  I am shaking now, just writing this out.  She didn't want to go.</p>
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<p>When we got the call from sw last week, I simply said, "I knew you would say that date."  I just knew.  I saw it coming, so all I said was, "Ok."  No fight.  I told mom she would need to get baby girl because we would be far too upset to drive home the 110 miles.  She threw a hissy fit but agreed because she wanted her back.  I never put up a fight, and I contacted her to arrange a time.  How could someone do what they did?  I made it as peaceful as I could with them, and they ruined it.  I couldn't even walk her to the car because I was still shaking and knew it would be bad for baby girl to see me break down or snap at them.  My husband was so awesome and walked her out for me; I never even had to see her mom.  If I never saw her again it wouldn't be too soon.</p>
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<p>Keep in mind this is a woman whom I've known for nearly 20 years; we grew up as "sisters," the best of friends.  She still tells me she loves me everytime she hangs up the phone.  But that's not love.</p>
 

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<p><span><img alt="hug.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="width:22px;height:15px;"></span> Hugs to you and your family. I am so sorry you had to part.</p>
 

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<p><span> <img alt="bawling.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/bawling.gif"></span><span>   <img alt="brokenheart.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/brokenheart.gif"> </span> <span><img alt="gloomy.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/gloomy.gif"></span></p>
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<p><span>i am so incredibly sorry. i just can't believe it. i have been following your story for so long and i just can't believe it turned out this way. i am crying and i just have no words. a big virtual hug for you and i just can't believe the courts are that messed up.</span></p>
 

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<p>I'm so sorry.  <span><img alt="hug2.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug2.gif" style="width:38px;height:16px;"></span></p>
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<p>Tjej</p>
 

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<p>I am so sorry.  I have followed your story for a while, and can't believe this is what came of it.  I hope there is someone who is able to give that sweet little girl comfort in her new surroundings.  I hope that your family has the time and space to process all of this.  </p>
 

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<p>I am new, and haven't followed the story, but wanted to say that my heart goes out to you. I am wishing peace and blessings for all of you.</p>
 

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<p>Oh no!  I had missed this, and I am so sorry that not only did you have to let her go in questionable circumstances, but that they made it even worse. I'm just so, so sorry. </p>
 

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<p><span><img alt="hug2.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug2.gif" style="width:38px;height:16px;"></span></p>
 

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<p><span><img alt="hug.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug.gif"> </span><img alt="hug.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug.gif"> <img alt="hug.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/hug.gif"></p>
 

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<p>This is so heartbreaking :( I am so so sorry... there are just no words.</p>
 

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<p>I am so sorry for your loss.</p>
 

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<p>Oh big big hugs mama. <span><img alt="grouphug.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/grouphug.gif"></span></p>
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<p><span>I know that the difference you have made in this child's life will be something she carries dear to her heart forever.  You very likely changed her future for the better, and I hope you can be at peace someday with the joy you felt holding her while you did.  But please allow yourself to mourn, you lost a child! </span></p>
 
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