[witt]

we have a five yr old at Wardolf Steiner school and haven't had any problems so far with our family construction. There are another lesbian couple with kids in his class which is good.

I'd be interested to hear how others found it? At a family thing my niece came up to my son and said "where's your dad" I can't believe my brother didn't take the time to explain our family to her

:

My son said "i don't have a dad" and he looked distressed then he recovered and said "i have two mommies, I"m the luckiest of all"!!!

 

[MichelleW]

While we are still TTC, I just wanted to say how glad & comforting it is to hear that your son was confident in his reply. While it does seem strange that your brother didn't previously discuss your family with his child -- unless he thinks it is so normal, that why would he need to explain it -- your son's response is wonderful.
Hope your niece learns a lot from that!

 

[NZmumof2]

We had a very stressful time with our then 5 yr old when his 8 yr old cousin told him not in our hearing that Leah wasn't his mother (she's not his bio mum).

Took a week of him not sleeping to tell us what was wrong. Leah confronted her sister who was adamant she would continue to tell her children that and that she explained the same about the adopted children of friends because it's all about biology to her.

Needless to say, our children no longer spend any time with her and her children unsupervised and we've made it clear to our boy that she is just wrong.

As for school we met with staff before our big boy started and explained that he had two mums, that he did not have a dad and that his biggest problem at kindy had been kids not believing him when he said that and we wanted them to back him up. They thanked us for discussing it first and have been wonderful. I still write complaints about such things as the "Keeping ourselves safe" books that say such incredibly dumb things as "I live with my mum and dad, my mum is called _____, my dad is called_____". Bede however, just added an s to mum and put us both in, crossed out dad and put brother and was generally totally unconcerned.

But although there's only two lesbian families at his school theres many many single parent ones or kids who don't live with two parents! I think some kids would be really hurt and it was supposed to be about keeping kids safe in the first place!!!

Anna, partner to Leah, mum to Bede 6 and Emmett 2 in NZ

 

[lexbeach]

There are a bunch of lesbian families and lesbian teachers at our boys' preschool, so it's really not an issue there. The teachers are always very non-gender specific and make sure to point out all the different kinds of families in all sorts of contexts. Lukas and Jasper are 3.5 and haven't yet had any saddness about not having a father. They're still very much in the stage of wanting the exact family that they already have (not so sure how they feel about adding a baby to it, but that's another story, lol!), and are very happy to have their moms. I imagine that difficulties in the school setting (and other settings) will be more likely when they are older (I'm thinking maybe 10 and up?). For now they are just so secure in THEIR family that I don't think any comment from anyone could upset them at all. The other day they had this conversation with a four-year-old friend of theirs named Ariel:

Jaz: Ariel, where are your moms? [Luke and Jaz both think of "moms" as meaning "parents," they know that Ariel has a mom and a dad]
Ariel: I don't have two moms. I have a mom and a dad. . . Do you guys have a dad?
Luke: No, we have a mom and a mama.
Jaz: Yeah, you have a mom and a dad, and we have a mom and a mama.
Luke: That's because you're a girl, and girls have a mom and a dad, and we're boys and boys have two moms.
Ariel: Oh.

[This is where I step in and correct Luke's theory about girls and boys, lol].

It was really nice to hear them talk about it so matter-of-factly and without any confusion.

Lex

 

[witt]

hi lex and anna
thanks for your comments...... yes family can be a pain in the a**. It was unforgiveable to me that my brother didn't explain our family to my niece, I expect family gatherings to be a safe place for my kids but there you go. Anna i think that's awful what Leah's sister said

:

Lex - i love the conversation you wrote, that's hilarious.

 

[ebony]

I remember when I went to school as a child and saw my friend's mom kiss a man. I was so shocked! As the child of a lesbian, my natural response was, "What is your mom doing with that MAN?!"

 

[max_4477]

Our preschool/daycares have always been pretty cool - as in we've always been the only ones but they've been nice and not weird about it. The other kids gert it to verying degrees, but they all see both of us mums and most get it by now. I've wondered about "real school" but I just found out that the principal of the school the kid'll go to is a totally out lesbian - woot woot!

 

[NZmumof2]

Just to clarify a little, Bede is very secure with our family but was really thrown when someone who is older than him AND considered family told him Leah wasn't his mum. When kids at school have said "You can't have two mums" he has been very comfortable that he knows his family better.

Bede has had a similar response as Ebony posted on discovering that some babies are conceived by heterosexual sex rather than insemination. We realised when he was about 4 that he had no idea about that and was making some interesting assumptions! He was appalled!

 

[WImom3]

My partner and I have 3 kids, it was ok when the kids first started school, but now in a very small town (1100) our oldest is in middle school and it is hard. The taunting or questions get to him. He comes home and just hates all the kids... He understands why they do it and we comfort him as best we can, but we are afraid it isnt enough.

The teachers for all the kids have been great. The only downfall is the kids father goes to the school and constantly makes a scene. (he isnt happy about 2 woman raising his kids). So we are the lesbians of the school as well as the ones having the jerk ex husband... Oh it has been a fun 6yrs so far!

We have been looking for other lesbian couples with children around our kids age, but havent found any...Just to help the kids see other children's experiences

 

[McFeelings]

WImom3, if you live in a very small town you may have a hard time finding other lesbian couples with kids that are the same age as yours AND who get along with yours. As a child who grew up with a lesbian mom, I'd also recommend spending time with straight couples with kids too. My mom had no friends with kids my age and at the time she wasn't comfortable socializing with the parents of my friends. It didn't help that back then my mom was pretty much in the closet too. It totally sucked having two separate worlds at my mom's house and then another one at my dad's.

Things were a lot easier for my younger sister. By that time Mom had a different partner you basically said, "You can be in the closet, but I'm not. Since we live in the same house, I think people will eventually figure it out!" Even then, they still didn't have any lesbian couple friends with kids the same age as little sis. A family vacation for Family Week at P-Town helped immensely in that respect.