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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
Hey, my lo was born on July 22. I had horrible nipple pain from her nursing. My first was nursed till he was 3.5 years old and we had zero problems. I took my little dd to the WIC lactation IBCLC when she was 3 days old. It was clear from a weighted feed that she was not transferring well (my milk came in the night before). But the IBCLC kind of left it at 'you'll get the hang of it'. I even brought up a breast pump but she said they like to wait 2 weeks before issuing.

When dd was 2 weeks old she had a check up with the IBCLC and a Ped appointment the same day. She hadn't gained at all. A day later I saw a very old school LLL leader who has decades experience helping moms. She told me that dd was not nursing efficiently and therefore not removing milk, my body started making less milk. She told me before we get her checked for a tongue tie, I need to work on upping my supply. I did an intensive 10 day pumping routine and dd was supplemented with my milk and formula. Eventually local moms were bringing me their milk and we phased out the formula. DD gained well. I decided to start on domperidone. It will be 5 weeks on dom this Friday. We had dd's tongue and upper lip ties corrected. 2 and a half weeks ago I told my local daily milk donor, I didn't think we needed her milk and I could get any extra milk from my night pumping. I had like 4-5 bags in a row in the fridge at any given time. I soon after quite the supplementing all together.

Fast forward to now: I am a nervous wreck. I am having panic attacks about dd getting enough. She is gaining well (I have a medela scale), pooping 3-4 times a day and having many soaking wet dipes, but I am having panic episodes. I worry she isn't getting enough and is starving. I feel so fearful I consider switching to formula just to have the peace of mind that I know what she is getting. I won't allow myself to do weighted feeds on a regular basis, because I know that will make me even worse. The obsessive numbers. This past weekend was so bad, I really freaked out. Luckily my mom was there and helped me. I have a lot of support. Friends and acquaintances. Some of whom survived low milk supply and got their supplies up. One of them told me she had paranoia after her supply was sufficient, too.

This breastfeeding experience has been nothing like the last. It is really hard on me. I NEVER thought about how much my ds was getting. He just fed, and grew and that was that. I am pretty scarred from the whole experience. I fear leaving the house to varying degrees. I talk circles in my head about breastfeeding, supplementing, weaning from BFing and back again. I guess, if baby is gaining 5-7 ounces a week and having normal diaper output, they are getting enough, right?

Anyway, I am getting set up with a PPD therapist and I have called local PPD support networks. I cannot live like this. To make things worse, DH is kind of in between work, and I know that is taking a tole on me mentally. Sorry if this was rambley, I had to get it out.:frown: I just want things to be simple and to feel normal again.
 

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:Hug I'm so sorry this has been such a traumatic experience for you. Having a newborn, healing from birth, and having breastfeeding issues is more than enough stress for anyone without employment issues. I'm glad you have reached out for counseling and support. It is not easy to ask for help sometimes. We can't be supermom. Taking care of yourself is essential to taking care of your baby. Continue to rely on that great support you have.
From what you described, it sounds like you are doing a great job breastfeeding and baby is doing really well. This Kellymom page says babies should gain about 6oz a week, and you are right there. Lots of pees and poos are great too. You did a great job of persevering and figuring out what was wrong and fixing it! My words may not quiet your anxiety but I hope they help a little. I hope that soon you are able to enjoy breastfeedin like you did with your first child and not have to think about it too much.
 

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Hugs mama! Postpartum anxiety can manifest itself many ways. I'm sure your counselor will help you come up with strategies to combat acute anxiety. I use a combination of therapy, exercise, meditation, journaling & a low dose of Zoloft. My LO is now 4 months old and I'm starting to feel more normal. Do you have any family support? It's nice to have someone to talk to (I have my mom via phone). Hope it gets better soon.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Actually, Raglan causes depression and anxiety. It has really nasty neurological side effects, Domperidone does not. Raglan is FDA approved and prescribed more often in the states, I think that's why people get them mixed up. I would never take that stuff.

I do have good family support. My mom has been instrumental, really. After a really bad weekend and a moment of freak out, I feel better. I made some necessary calls and set up therapy. Unfortunately they can't get me in till October 22. I feel better about nursing. DD went to her 2 month check up a few days ago and she is looking 'great' and following her growth curve.

DH being in between work (well, he does have a small adjunct position ATM, but that doesn't pay much), is really quite awful. We are all crossing our fingers for a few positions he has applied for.

I am enjoying sitting back and listening to my DD gulp when I have let downs. I am reminding myself that she is growing fine. She is happy and content. I am looking forward to the next LLL meeting and sling wearing meeting next week.
 
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