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how long is ok for a 26-month-old to be on visitation with his father?

  • a couple hours a few days a week

    Votes: 4 17.4%
  • one overnight/week plus short visits

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • two nights/week (or a weekend)

    Votes: 1 4.3%
  • totally depends on father and child's relationship

    Votes: 21 91.3%
  • never a weekend that's too long for such a young child

    Votes: 2 8.7%
  • other specify

    Votes: 0 0.0%
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I would say it depends....Oobi would have been ready for overnights with his dad, and maybe even a weekend, he was already weaned and his dad had been putting him to bed 3-4 nights a week since he was born, there was a strong attachment there. Boo on the otherhand doesnt really know his dad, he sleeps snuggled up to me, and showas no signs of weaning...
 

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I also think it totally depends on the relationship. my two year old is still nursing and is very mom attached but I believe he could do overnights (I do think he would have a hard time with two concecutive nights) with dad because I know that my 15 yr old babysitter can put him to asleep and his dad has been active in taking care of him since he was 8 months old (thats when we split up). on the other hand....it took my four year old a really long time to be ready to sleep over at dads because he had never taken an active part in taking care of him from birth until I left when ds was three. I think xh had to work hard to reassure ds that he was able to be an active parent before ds felt safe sleeping over.<br>
Of course in my case xh will not keep ds (the baby) overnights because he figures that as long as I have ds every night...I will be at home ALONE. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:
 

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Totally depends.<br><br>
Alex is almost 25 months, but has very little language, plus has absolutely no relationship with his father. So there is no way I'm going to let his Dad do anything other that visit with Alex at my house until they build a relationship.
 

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I agree that it depends on the situation. My DS has overnights with his dad every week and he's 20 mos old. But that is only because I trust that stbx is capable of caring for Aiden and that Aiden is comfortable with stbx. I do know that Aiden prefers to be with me at night and I rarely let him have two overnights in a row with his dad.<br><br>
We have a somewhat unique situation, we have split custody. Aiden spends just about every other night with his dad. This is because I work 3 nights a week until about 11pm. Aiden seems ok with it, but I'm not. I'm looking for a 9-5 job where I can have Aiden every night (or at least 5-6 nights a week). I really think that children under the age of 3 need to be with their moms as much as possible.
 

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I also voted "depends on the situation". My older son is OK with going overnight with his dad now (at almost 5), but at 26 months, he was still waking 2 - 3x per night to nurse, so I know that overnights without me would have been extremely traumatic for him. My 20 month old went overnight with his dad two weeks ago for the first time (had never been away from me), and seemed to be OK, but come to find out from Ethan that he was awake and crying out for mommy several times in the night - geez, wonder why stbx never told me <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/angry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="angry">.....<br><br>
If you are contemplating the overnights, I would say try it one night at a time, and have a later drop off/earlier pick up (i.e. 6pm to 9am) for awhile.
 

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i also voted that it totally depends.<br><br>
How much time does he/has he spent with his father?<br>
How are his father's parenting skills?<br>
Does he usually co-sleep, and nurse at night?<br>
How comfortable is he with his father?<br><br>
It sounds like you are really nervous and scared about an upcoming overnight. Many of our moms have been through this, a few having gone through it for the very first time. I'm sure that many of them can share their stories with you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Thanks everyone for replying.<br>
It makes me feel better about overnights. I don't really know anyone in my situation who has the same parenting ideas to kinda bounce this off of. My kids have been spending a night (usually Saturday) almost every week for a couple of months. The 26 month old does have his big brother there with him which helps I think. Their dad has said that sometime he'd like to have them for two nights. The kids seem pretty happy about it when they are going for a sleepover. I think the younger son sorta follows his big brother's lead with most things, though which is why I worry a bit. I dunno, I think he's happy though. It's hard to know for sure sometimes. I mean, my plan was to homeschool my kids and now they're in full-time daycare and now maybe some WHOLE weekends with their dad. It freaks me out.
 

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I can understand that it freaks you out to have them been away for a whole weekend.<br><br>
If things are going well with overnights that's great. This issue has popped up for me (but the circumstances are very different) and in reading & researching, I found some great articles about overnights & increasing visitation on the LLL international website, by a woman named Elizabeth N. Baldwin. Her approach considers the needs of the children and that longer visits should be increased gradually. She suggests that after a month or two of consistent overnights, your child(ren) may be ready to increase. I guess it would require monitoring on the part of both your ex and you. If he notices that your youngest isn't as comfortable for the second night, he'd bring them home, etc. If you noticed any behavorial changes, then you'd stop for awhile and try again another time.<br><br>
The articles by Baldwin are great and really focus on AP relationships, I'd highly suggest checking them out on the LLL International website.<br><br>
Wishing you well ~ L.J.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Thanks LJ I'll definately check out the articles. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 
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