[Mindi22]

Hi everyone.
I thought I'd start a thread for just those of us due in February. The regular PALS (Pregnancy After Loss Support) thread moves way too fast for me to keep up with, and I just can't get into it. Especially since it's so early on in my pregnancy, and I'm just having trouble believing it's true.

So a little about me. I have one DS, who is 2.5 years old (he'll be 3 in November). He's a joy, a doll and so much fun -most of the time. But my heart breaks that his baby sibling won't be as close as I'd have liked him or her to be in age. I had a blighted ovum in September 06 discovered at almost 14 weeks, and an early loss (5-ish weeks) in January 07 that wasn't discovered until I was 8+ weeks along. Both were discovered by US and I chose to deal with by D&C's since my body was just hanging onto things and I still had all the pregnancy symptoms of m/s and exhaustion, etc that I just couldn't deal with if I knew there wasn't a baby to look forward to.

Fast-forward to today, I'm 5 weeks along, and I'm really having a hard time getting excited about this pregnancy. I really am thrilled, but I really can't deal with going through it all again. And I'm having trouble getting excited without having some guarantee, kwim???

I don't know, I'd just love to have some support from other moms that are dealing with the same issues.

I'm looking forward to getting to know you all this time, and here's hoping for sticky babes for all of us!

Mindi

 

[juneau]

Hi Mindi,
Thanks for starting this thread. I had a loss exactly a year ago at 14 weeks due to an infection from CVS testing. It was devastating. I was 42 at the time and never thought I could get pregnant again. But here I am, also five weeks! The remaining 35 weeks seem positively endless. I can't wait to get past the 15 week mark.

I am pretty excited about this pregnancy, and trying to remain calm and upbeat. But I have moments of panic and intense fear of another miscarriage. Today I have a crampy cervix and it's driving me nuts.

Otherwise, I feel great, although tired. I also have a 2-year-old (will be 3 exactly when this baby is born). I am not so afraid of the age gap as I was about the previous pregnancy (would have been 22 months, and at the time I got pregnant, dd was still so needy I felt overwhelmed).

I don't want to have any U/S this time around, yet I am scared of a blighted ovum, missed miscarriage, etc. I tell myself just to draw deep on my faith that things will be OK.

It helps not to dwell on my loss or other's losses but focus on my blessings -- dd and the amazing chance to be pregnant again (I am 43 now and will be 44 when the baby is born, and TTC for years in my 30s without success).

Good luck to you, mama!

 

[Angierae]

Thanks for starting this!

I had very painful ectopic pregnancy in April, and was surprised and excited and scared to find us pregnant again so soon. I am 4 .5 weeks right now, and very wary. Trying to enjoy the moment, but also feeling like I am holding my breath. Hoping I will be able to relax more soon.

 

[gerlassie]

Hi!
I lost my little one February 2006 also to a blighted ovum. I too am having trouble becoming too excited until I see my baby's heart beat. I love being pregnant and since I'm an only child, I really want a big family. The waiting is so hard but with the support from my Midwife, I know I'll get through this. I just can't wait to feel my little one move and then the nest gift, to hold him or her. Everyday, I have feelings that something is different and doubts that I will m/c again. That's when I hug my boys tight and dream about holding my newborn. I hate to use the term cautiously optisimic but I can't help but feel any other way. Everyone hang in there, I really feel that this is going to be a good year for our February Babies. Thanks for sharing...I don't feel so alone now.

Peace,
Kim ( Daniel 6 and David 2 mommie )

 

[frontierpsych]

Thanks for adding this! I lost my daughter last November (cord accident). She was my first child.

 

[Mama2-4]

I also have a history of miscarriage. I have had 3 and a ruptured ectopic in which I almost died.

So far this pregnancy seem to be going well, I have not been feeling the morning sickness I did with our other children (that has also worried me), but I am certainly feeling extreme exhaustion. I saw my midwife on Tuesday, she said my uterus felt like a 7 wk uterus, I asked her for an US and she ordered it right up. I had it done yesterday and we saw the little heart beating. It was a relief, but I am still scared of miscarriage.

I am also a former labor and delivery nurse and have seen all kinds of things. It makes me worry even more!

Frontierpsych, I am so sorry to hear about the cord accident. I attended many of those births and it was always extremely devastating.

Thanks for starting this thread.

Andrea

 

[Nature]

Mindi22, our experiences are similar.

I have had a miscarriage in between every child. Its hard to think that this one will be anything but because of that pattern there. (dd1, m/c, dd2, m/c, dd3 ____) So I'm nervous and scared.

I never have too much morning sickness anyway, so I don't have much to go on for reassurance except tiredness. And to make things worse, my other m/c's were missed m/c's so I never had any bleeding or cramps. Nothing. No warning at all.

I was supposed to have an ultrasound this week but I couldn't find the place and had to reschedule. I'm hoping and praying for a heartbeat. (my m/c's never showed a heartbeat at all)

So thanks for making this thread.

 

[mimi_n_tre]

I'm here also... I lost a pregnancy in January of 2005. Got pregnant in February, went to all doctors appointments early to make sure that one kept, ended up having my son in September at 29 weeks, who had been dead for about 3 weeks (I wanted to have him at home since I knew he was gone, but didn't happen...) Got pregnant the following month, and now have my daughter who turned 1 today

. I feel like this one isn't gonna last though because the last one did. I have only told about 6 people... Hopefully new baby will be here in February since this is most likely my last...

 

[flapjack]

Thanks for starting this thread. This is my tenth, possibly eleventh pregnancy- explanation below. I started with an ectopic, had my 8yo and then conceived again when he was five months old. She was stillborn at 24 weeks gestation after a cord prolapse when my waters broke. (long story.) Then Isaac, then celibacy while my marriage broke up.
When Steve and I started trying we had a miscarriage at 5 weeks the weekend after our wedding, and then Skye the following month. We had an unplanned loss back in August, a couple of months off, carried twins for 11 weeks, and then in April, I had three positive pregnancy tests but bled at the 18 dpo mark anyhow- which is really unusual for me, I normally have fairly short luteal phases. And now this.
This baby's already been through a lot- by the time I was sure I'd o'ed, I was praying it wouldn't stick because dd had chicken pox. Implantation was so rough- I have never, EVER felt so ill in my life and I actually got diagnosed with gastroenteritis. We made it to 8 weeks by LMP (7+6 by O) and saw a heartbeat on Wednesday, which is making me feel slightly easier about the fact that generallyy, I don 't actually feel that bad. I've had a few really rough days, but overall this is the easiest pregnancy i've had so far.
Oh, and this baby is due on my first daughter's due date, and the anniversary of the day that I lost the first twin. If anyone knows what it is that the universe is trying to tell me, I'd be grateful for an explanation.

 

[juneau]

Oh Flapjack what a story.

I am so sorry for your losses. I have weird cosmic coincidences too: my EDD may as well be dd's birthday and I found out on the anniversary of my loss -- and told dh on Father's day (that was the best part.) I don't know what the universe is saying, but I've found it comforting.

I hope now that you've seen the heartbeat you can relax and enjoy this one. I will be traveling until week 10 but I hope at the first opportunity to hear the heartbeat (no U/S this time).

for all of us.

I know the waiting is tough; for me, the hardest is waiting until I can feel the baby. Last time it was around 12 weeks; I hope it will be early this time, too.

 

[flapjack]

For me, it's only been the last series of losses that hurt now- if Rowan had lived and gone full-term, I wouldn't have the beautiful snotty-nosed lump sitting on the other end of the sofa and shouting while he plays wii sports with his friend

For whatever reason, I have the child I was meant to have.

 

[WeasleyMum]

Wow, I had no idea there were so many of us in here! Talk about your hidden common denominators...

My story is really basic. My first pregnancy ended 2 months ago at 10 weeks, and now here I am. I couldn't have gotten pregnant again any faster, really. I'm only 4 weeks, just found out that my progesterone is dropping, and am really freaked out about losing this one too.

 

[GreenRose]

It's so common.. but until you have a m/c no one tells you! Every other friend, coworker, relative, etc. told me about their experiences after I lost my first at 11 weeks. It really helped to know it's... well... normal?! And that it's not because my body is flawed, or I didn't look after myself enough.

I gave myself a few months to recover before trying again but sure enough, as soon as we did, pregnant again! It will be 8 weeks on Sunday and I'm slowly beginning to tell people. Good signs: conceived on Mother's day, first appt is 7/17/07 (sevens are lucky right?!), and the baby is due on my good friend's birthday. Okay, all superstitious! But it's helping me get through these early weeks and feel like it could actually happen.

 

[Finn&CalsMommy]

Sheesh, there are a lot of us here!
I had two great pregnancies resulting in two beautiful boys and we decided to try for a third...it ended quickly at 7weeks (March 2007) but I knew something was wrong even before then. My guess is that it was a blighted ovum - very little cramping and I basically had a long period, which tells me that the baby never had a chance to develop.

Here I am again though - 7wks3days along and so incredibly nervous it's ridiculous. I had my first OB appointment this week and got to see the little one on the U/S with the heart beating away! Did it make me feel any better? Well, not really. I'm still completely freaked out and convinced this baby will never be born. It makes me so sad to feel this way, sad that I can't be excited about this but instead I'm so negative and doubtful. There is a glimmer of hope too that I keep trying to focus on and make it outweigh my doubts.

I felt pretty awful morning sickness with my two boys but this time I only have a mild case of it, which of course adds to my worry. And my boobs don't hurt - they're growing but they don't hurt. Could that be due to BFing each of my sons for 2+ years? I hope so. On the one hand, it's nice to not be so sick since I have two little guys to take care of but on the other hand, it just feeds into my already insane worries. I've read too many boards and posts where too many women have lost a baby even after seeing the heartbeat... at 12wks, 14wks, 18wks or worse, a stillbirth. It scares me!

May we all have a beautiful and rewarding February next year!!

Geneva

DS 11/02/01
DS 8/26/04
MC March 2007
EDD #3 Feb 5, 2007

 

[newcastlemama]

Thanks for starting this. I have a ds (8-1-04) and I had an m/c at 13 weeks about 15months ago and it was bad (I severly hemmoraged). I had a lot of health issues that I have intensely worked on since then.

I am 6.5 weeks right now. I am feeling all the symptoms. I am still mad about my last m/c because I did all the bad stuff (thowing up, pain, hospitalization, weight gain) with out the prize at the end. Iam asking God to help me with that, but I have to admit that I do fear having the same thing happen. I would like to have a quickie ultrasound when I have to go to my OB anyway for a regular checkup in about a month. I just have to know that I have done all I can for my health and it is out of my control.

 

[WeasleyMum]

So, um, do any of ya'll also have progesterone issues? I just found yesterday that mine is low (and falling!) and am starting supplements tonight. Knowing that this probably caused the m/c is kind of painful and I'm not at all confident that the synthetics will do the trick...

 

[slgt]

WeaslyMum, I'm sorry you're going through another scare - I hope it turns out to be just that - a scare, but everything ok. I've never had my progesterone levels tested, so I'm afraid I'm no help.

This is my second pregnancy, no children. It's very, very early 5w5 days - and I'm wondering - how are other people processing these first few weeks? How do you keep yourself sane, not worrying what if what if? I'm definitely not as excited as I was the first time, trying very hard to keep others from finding out, and not voraciously reading everything I can get my hands on. I daily tell myself that there is nothing I can do but to lead the healthiest possible life I can - that only time will tell and if it's meant to be, it's meant to be. But I still find myself thinking about milestones...if I can get past 6w6d, when my little one stopped growing last time, then it will be ok.

And I keep trying to remind myself that scheduling an earlier appointment (it's scheduled for 10w) won't change anything.

But still. How do you stay on an even keel? How do you think lovingly and dream about the future, about holding this little one in your arms? I feel like it's not fair to this one. Last time around, I was already thinking about having a little one as part of our day to day lives, about nursing, about birthing, about being parents. This time around, I'm just grateful every time there's not blood on the toilet paper.

 

[flapjack]

slgt, you don't get that this time. The innocence of pregnancy has left you- that's what a loss does to you. What you get instead, however, is a deep and true recognition is just HOW miraculous these children are: I mean, think about it. One egg, which generally gets released and unused every month, and one sperm (hardly the most highly valued substance on the planet) get together. They meld, implant, divide, divide some more and keep on growing and eventually they turn into a person.
HOW awesome is that? And the chances of a mishap at each and every stage of the process makes it that bit more awesome, and you get to appreciate that. It may not make pregnancy as satisfying, but it makes birth and parenting rewarding in a different way.
Weasleys'mom, I'm keeping you in my thoughts. At least now you know what the problem is and how you're going to address it, you don't get to sit and wonder.

 

[miss_honeyb]

Quote:

Originally Posted by GreenRose It's so common.. but until you have a m/c no one tells you! Every other friend, coworker, relative, etc. told me about their experiences after I lost my first at 11 weeks.

That's so true. After we lost Matthias, I found out about so many others who had lost a baby that I never knew about.

DD is 8 yrs old, from a relationship before I was married. She's wonderful.

We got pregnant with Matthias about 10 months after we got married. I carried him full term, but his cord was pinched during delivery and he also contracted GBS. His little body had just undergone too much trauma and he lived for 36 hours.

I got pregnant 8 weeks later and had Moses one year ago (Monday!) He was and is perfect.

No we're expecting again, and to be honest, I feel like this one isn't going to "stick". It just feels like I'm "due" for a miscarriage.

 

[newcastlemama]

Are any of you getting a first trimester ultrasound? I am still trying to decide on this. I am almost 7 weeks.