[^guest^]

So, it's been a little over a year since my job and I parted ways. I was doing alright as a stay at home mom. Well no, not really. My DD is miserable because she wants to be around other kids. I am inept and awkward as a SAHM and feel like a failure. I have no role model when it comes to being a SAHM. My mom worked practically since the day I was born, was out of a job for maybe two months after my parents divorced. I was with a babysitter or in a group/day care center since I was tiny. The only person I know who is/was a SAHM is my MIL, and she's certainly not giving any advice (that I'd follow. Sorry, just not into spanking) We're moving to California in a week, and in order to afford the rent, I will probably have to go back to work. But then there's childcare. It's so expensive. It just seems like no matter what I do, our family is, well, S.O.L. Can't afford to work, can't afford to not work, you know? Then while researching child care costs in San Diego, I come across a yahoo answers post that says putting your kids in day care for more than 10 hours a week makes them depressed, severs attachment, and contributes to sociopathic behavior. Great, like I wasn't already apprehensive enough about this.<br><br>
Damned if I do, damned if I don't. I desperately want to live in California, where my family and friends are, and just the overall kind of environment I want for DD.<br><br>
I suppose I'm not asking for advice so much (though if you have any, feel free to give it), just needed an outlet for all this negativity surrounded the To Work or Not to Work question.

 

[vxclayborn]

Every situation is unique and what works for one family won't work for another.<br><br>
I personally am very committed to being a SAHM mom- now that I work go to school/ work PT. I don't have to but it provides me enough sanity and adult time. I'm gone maybe 12-15 hours a week- it makes me value our time together so much more. I'm personally not ok with my 18 mo dd being apart from me much more than that (If I can control it), but that's a personal decision.<br><br>
However, on my SAHM days, I have to treat it exactly like a job. I get up and dressed (completely), look presentable, and focus on my home and child just like a job. I have goals for the day and we have activities to do, it eases the SAHM rut one can get into.<br>
In today's day and age it doesn't have to be an all or nothing ordeal. Sacrifices may have to be made, but either (or both!) are doable.<br><br>
Regardless of you choice, there on going to be bad days (or weeks or months) it's important to remember that.<br><br>
Hope you find a situation that can fit you and your dc. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2">

 

[^guest^]

I don't know about my commitment to being a SAHM. It seems awfully difficult for a family of 3 to survive on 1 minimum wage paycheck (roughly what my DH makes). I was doing alright as a SAHM during my 6 months in california while DH and I were seperated. I think it's just the fact that I'm lonely and miserable, and there is nothing around here for DD and I to do, that make me feel so awkward and stupid at it.<br><br>
Believe me, I know there's going to be bad days. But when it gets to the point when you are screaming and LITERALLY, yes LITERALLY tearing your hair out with frustration, something has to give. There have been more than a few times when I have wanted to punch myself and berate myself, that voice in my head telling me I never should have had a child, that I'm a horrible mother, not because of what I do but because I don't know WHAT to do. There's no one who can sit back and give me pointers on how to make things better, what I'm doing wrong, what I'm doing right. I don't know. There are just plenty of days right now when nothing I do makes anything better.<br><br>
Funny how just a few short months ago back in California I really thought I had this down, my daughter and I were happy, the house was clean and things were great. And now I'm back where I started when I left Michigan the first time. Miserable and ready to throw in the towel.<br><br>
Edit: But you know, none of this really has anything to do with needing a job. Unless I take a whole lot of government handouts or win the lottery, we just can't afford to live on my husband's income.