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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
mulling this over.....<br><br>
I have been thinking more about those who argue for<br><br>
"parental choice". GOD I HATE THAT!!!!!!<br><br><br>
In essence they arguing for a dictatorship! Isn't that odd, considering how much we American's love our democracy?<br><br>
Whether you choose to circ (after you are educated about it that is) comes down to 3 different parenting styles I think.<br><br>
For those of you who have studied any psychology, I have learned that there are 3 main types of parenting styles:<br><br><br>
1. Dictatorship (Absolute authority)<br><br>
2. Democratic (Choices)<br><br>
3. Laissez-faire (no rules at all)<br><br><br>
I believe that the type of style that you fall into as a parent will often determine if you circ. or not. The appeal made to a 'Dictator parent' to refuse circ. will never be a successful appeal in my opinion. The same appeal made to a #2 or #3 parent is more likely to be heard I think.<br><br><br>
Dictatorship parenting is old-school parenting. Old habbits die hard. I have never been one to parent like this. I give my kid ALOT of room for choices. I have read that it makes happier and healthier kids. Makes perfect sense to me! i grew up in #2....and close border #3.<br><br><br>
It seems that it is wise to find out which category a person fits into before you make the anti-circ appeal. Category number 1 would raise a BIG RED FLAG for me and would help me to understand why my anti-circ plea was rejected.<br><br>
Just some stuff I have been thinking about that might be useful when you are out there making anti-circ appeals!<br><br>
kath
 

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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
just to get an idea of the crowd in here...can you share with us what type of parenting your parents used on you? I'd be curious to know how many anti-circ people here grew up in #2 & 3 homes.<br><br>
Thanks. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"><br>
kath
 

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Sort of #2 for me, perhaps a bit of #1...<br><br>
The important thing it that regardless of your parenting style this is not acceptable, circumcision is not a choice but a robbery of it.
 

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I believe my parents set reasonable limits, and enforced them with reasonable consequences, so I would put them squarely in #2.<br><br>
But as a parent, I know that giving children endless choices is not good either.<br><br>
Barbara Coloroso (author of "Kids Are Worth It") defines the same parenting styles a little differently:<br>
1. Brick wall<br>
2. Backbone<br>
3. Jellyfish<br><br>
I like this better than "democracy", because a backbone parent does not let the child make all the decisions, but rather parents firmly and consistently, but with the ability to bend.<br><br>
I have often told my kids that our household is NOT a democracy, but a benevolent dictatorship!<br><br>
I do agree that #1-type parents who are in favor of RIC are not likely to change their minds.
 

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I grew up in #1 you did what you were told no questions asked if you did question then were you ever punshied. It was very abusive and was a reason I did not want children for the longest time. Still working on healing old wounds. My parents tried to force me to circ the boys it was a yelling match in the hospital about it. One of the nurses had to tell my parents to leave. My mom kept telling the nurse that I did wnat it done it was just all the drugs talking and that is the only reason I was saying NO. The nurses said she made this choice about 4 mo ago it's in her chart so it's not the drugs it is her choice and we are sticking to it. My style with the boys is a mix between #2 & #3 it depends on if we are running late or not or I should say how late we are running. I never want to cross the lines that were crossed as I was growing up. I think that I am working on a parenting style similar to my SIL he kids can ask her anything and she is calm listens to them and then asks them how they feel it could have been handled difrently. She also lets them chose their own punishments She is also the first one to approch me on the dangers involved in circ and why it's better to leave my sons intact she did it in a way that I didn't feel chalanged or her views forced upon me . Great thread BTW
 

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My mom's parenting style to me was in the one and two while my brother was raised in the 3 style.<br><br>
I say I was in the one area because at times I 'couldn't ' go on a 'plane by myself' when I was in my teens' feared I would get taken advantage of, lost ,and so I lacked my idependence of free will. Had fear of trying to 'date' because anytime I tried to 'call' a guy up my mom would find out then call the guy 'herself' . To my mom it was like I was a walking 'stick' with a big "rape me sign bullentin boarded along my whole 'self' because I had 'special needs-more vunelerable to predators assumption-always being called naive . So she also pressured me to get BCP so I wouldn't get pg if I got 'attack' to me it just as if she felt as someone was going to do me in that I had 'feared men* never had anyone ask me out til college and I still said "NO' and they were good looking too but I had thought any guy who was interested in me would be a take advantager as in a user.<br><br>
She was definetly & still tries to be in "control of "cleaning issues" by actually stating to CPS if my place now is not up to par she will say My grandson is a unsanitary enviroment.<br><br>
Two she allowed me to be a more better person with inviduality. She allowed me to just believe in myself & in ways I wouldn't have to "always be the best' just do the best as I can.<br>
Believed in letting me to try things to see how I did than denying me that right.<br><br>
My brother had jellyfish parenting style =mom had no control over him he could say and do what he wanted. Meaning he had no punishment at all either even no discipline the only consequence he had that was his first was when he beat up his co-worker and got fired all the other family members cheer him on like way to go for protecting his girl because the co-worker was making fun of his girl..<br><br>
To me I think right now to my son I am 2&3 .<br><br>
I allow my son to still choose to 'nurse' co-sleep and I'm allowing him to 'choose' to pratice on the potty' in hopes when his diaper is off maybe he will pee or poop in there while imitating me.<br>
I allowed my son to 'his full right of his whole body'. I allow my son to be the part of choosing in'meals' and I allow him to help out if he wants to help turn on the bathtub for bath.<br><br>
But for now I have a bad addiction to 'sweets' likes so if my son 'sees' me with a yummy sweet or soda I share -jellyfish- of saying no to that.<br><br>
But I may be a #one when it comes to outside -full near keep up with him so I can be 'ready to run after if he goes into the street- or out the dooor in the hundred degree weather ergh time for ice cream.
 

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I spent the first 10 years of my life in #1 (evil stepdad) and the rest in #2 (grandparents and other family members let me do whatever)
 

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Everyone has a right to his body's physical integrity. That is why it would be wrong of parents to have the right to allow tattoos on their infants, that's why taking of piece of the earlobe for fun would be unethical and that's why routine infant circumcision is unethical.<br><br>
I think that makes an argument for every parenting style.
 

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I was raised in #1 family. I'm still trying to work through it, and I'm almost 28.<br><br>
We're trying to raise our family in a #2 but if I'm honest it does lean towards #3 instead....
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>kldliam</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">just to get an idea of the crowd in here...can you share with us what type of parenting your parents used on you? I'd be curious to know how many anti-circ people here grew up in #2 & 3 homes.<br><br>
Thanks. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"><br>
kath</div>
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</tr></table></div>
Well, I definitely grew up in a #2 house, at least at my mom's house. ( parents are divorced ). Most of the time at Dad's it was #3, provided you didn't do something profoundly stupid and get caught. My mom is an RN, and she understands that people have ultimate control over their OWN bodies, and no one else. She mostly works with elderly patients who just need help remembering to take their medicine or have bed sores that need to be dressed every day. She never felt comfortable working with infants, so that is why she never went into that area of nursing. Ditto with the L&D ward. My mom would NEVER set foot in one, and wasn't too thrilled with it when I gave birth last August. It took all she had to not kill the nurses who were tending to me ( they were really really bad... ) I think she feels this way because she doesn't agree with how patients are treated in these areas of healthcare, and she doesnt want to be a part of their barbaric practices. So I basically grew up believing that you are responsible for your own body and that only you should be the one to make decisions about it. I guess I never realized how this would affect my belief ( or non belief, rather ) in circumcision. It wasn't until I met DH who is intact that I really started thinking about it, and getting pregnant with my son- THEN it hit me and I started doing more research.
 

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I definately grew up in a #1 house. Very strict, abusive Mother. In our house it is I would think a #2. I think my children deserve respect and need to be able to learn how to make good choices in order to become well functioning adults.<br><br>
I know for a fact that in a #1 household, the end result can turn out to be an adult who is fearful of making the wrong decision or speaking up for herself, not an easy or anxiety free way to live a life<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
I do know people who are still stuck in the #1 style of parenting.(we don't tend to get along so well<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> ) And funny you linked this to circ because they each have one circed son and could not be persuaded to do otherwise.<br><br>
Take care,<br>
Tara
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>nd_deadhead</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I believe my parents set reasonable limits, and enforced them with reasonable consequences, so I would put them squarely in #2.<br><br>
But as a parent, I know that giving children endless choices is not good either.<br><br>
Barbara Coloroso (author of "Kids Are Worth It") defines the same parenting styles a little differently:<br>
1. Brick wall<br>
2. Backbone<br>
3. Jellyfish<br><br>
I like this better than "democracy", because a backbone parent does not let the child make all the decisions, but rather parents firmly and consistently, but with the ability to bend.<br><br>
I have often told my kids that our household is NOT a democracy, but a benevolent dictatorship!<br><br>
I do agree that #1-type parents who are in favor of RIC are not likely to change their minds.</div>
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Yeah, I <i>totally</i> took parenting classes in high school and Barbara's parenting methods were taught.
 
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