Thank you everyone, for input. I agree with all points made...I'm trying very hard to retain wording that isnt constricting, yet leaves no doubt in a judge's eyes that my primary concern is my childs health, safety, and overall well-being.
I am using mission statements to introduce each category (Safety, visitation, Health, Costs, etc). And while I would LOVE to specify things (like TV shows) I recognize that I have to create a plan that a court is willing to enforce...broad statements are probably a better idea, such as stating that TV/Video games/Movies be "age-appropriate" and that discipline to be approached "in a manner that fosters respect for the child, and retains consistency in each household". Or something to that effect
Unfortunately, while stbx is the other parent, in our situation, he really IS a glorified babysitter. He has never, not once, adequately taken care of our son. He has only been left alone with our son on 2 occasions - once for 3 hours when ds was 5 months old: stbx refused to bottle feed him expressed bm, and instead insisted that ds wasn't hungry, didn't want the expressed bm I left, and was screaming because I had "spoiled" him by "giving him the boob every time he cries. He's got to learn sometime he cant have what he wants". The other time ds was 7 months old, and stbx had him for 4-5 hours, and during that time "forgot" to change his diaper, which resulted in ds soaking his clothes. Which wasnt so bad (happens to the best of us) except that stbx was too lazy to look in the diaper bag for a change of clothing, and instead let our baby go undressed - without pants - in April, in Maine. It was like 45 degrees. He wasnt at home, he was out shopping. THEN drove home with him a Geo Tracker (not the safest vehicle on earth) with the infant carseat forward facing. When I freaked out, he said, 'well, it was a pita to install it the other way".
I never let him watch ds unsupervised again, and I think he was relieved, because he never asked. Its only NOW as a bargaining point that he's insisting on joint custody. The mind boggles.