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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I don't know if there is a thread approching this subject or not my dps youngest dd 15 lives with us. Her mother has lived out and proud since she was one and we have been together for the last 7 years. We have discussed for most of those 7 years the desire for us to bring a child into this world together. It seems that now that we are on this road dd has decided to start acting out. She told me the other day that I couldn't tell her what to do because I wasn't her parent and that I would never be. Truth being told I have been part of her life for over half of it ant I do very much feel as if I am the step-parent I would lay my life down for her. she also told me that she felt that the baby would replace her and that we didn't love her anymore.

I know that's kind of rambling.

I guess my question is should we continue our quest for baby? Also I guess I need to conect with other "step-parents" in simalar situation, being queer and parenting teenagers.
 

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Look at what you wrote:

" she also told me that she felt that the baby would replace her and that we didn't love her anymore."

And

"She told me the other day that I couldn't tell her what to do because I wasn't her parent and that I would never be."

To me it sounds like she's starting to feel rejected, and is in turn trying to reject you.

I'd probably let that second bit go and focus more on the first bit and trying to resolve that issue first.

A.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I am very much paying attention to all of what DD is saying. . . Unfortunatly most of the attention dd has had recently (last year) has been on kind of a negitive note because of acting out (stealing alchol, driving w/o permission, lying, bad grades, etc) unfortunatly I feel that it is a constant struggle to find positive things to praise her for. I am the one out of the two of us that she talks to most. I think also she is having a lot of issues due to her fathers constant broken promises. Being a former foster child it is especialy important to me that dd feel unconditional love and support. Her mother has tried so hard to give her the world and to make up for all the broken promises by dod. But we are both about at our witts end.
 

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Your situation sounds a lot like ours. My wife and I have been together for 11 years, since my daughter was 6. It's been rocky over the years, to say the least, and the last few years have been hardest. The "you can't tell me what to do" line has been used often, either in words or spirit. Her junior year was incredibly tough on all of us (a combination of illness and behavior), and it's better now but not great.

For a while my daughter was very whiny/clingy/negative around the topic of more kids. Anything from crawling in my lap and playing baby to telling me point-blank that I wasn't allowed to have more kids. Sometimes it sounded like she feared being replaced, or other times disappointed that she wouldn't get to experience the baby as a sibling since she'd be moving out.

My sister got pregnant last fall and my daughter is super-excited about it. It also seems to have made her calm down about the fact that we are going to have more kids. A week or so ago we actually had a calm, adult conversation about it and she was supportive! So, it can all change suddenly at that age.

It's not her choice if/when you have more children. You can't tell her when to start a family, and she needs to extend the same courtesy to you.
 
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