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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Both my Mom and my husband's Mom believe that co-sleeping "fosters dependence" and my MIL says she's annoyed by parents who do that. She insists that the reason her children turned out so well is that they fostered dependence by having their children sleep in another room from the start. My parents used the doctor's method of letting me scream for 2 nights straight and then I miraculously slept better. I think that was torture to my Mom, but my Dad insisted no children could sleep in the parent's room. When I explained to my husband's Mom that we'd like to return to the ancient tradition of sleeping together as a family and that most of the world still does that, she exclaimed - "But that's POVERTY!!"<br><br>
Just thought I'd vent - I feel better now... I actually got my mother-in-law off my back for now by saying our adoption agency recommends co-sleeping for post-institutionalized children due to attachment disorder being so common. We're adopting from China and hope to have our daughter by January. It's sort of frustrating that the arguing with parents has already started before we even have a baby.
 

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To be honest, I have had to field a few snide comments here and there, however my reputation with my friends/family is that once my mind is made up that is that. Let me just reassure you that you are makeing the right choice, and say that your families sleeping arrangements is NONE OF ANYONE ELSES BUSINESS! Hey they would be insulted if you asked them how they slept with their dh right? Then why does it seem like where and how our children sleep is up for open discussion all the time?<br><br>
What I would do is make a frim but kind boundary that I would uphold whenever a well-meaning person tried to butt in. You could try something like this: "I understand that you feel independence is important and we, just as strongly feel that bonding/attachment/interdependence (whatever your word) is important. Thank you for your concern, but this is really not something that is up for discussion/debate (whatever). So how are the dogs/cats/plants/sports team etc....."<br>
Just do it gently and with a *nice* tone of voice (that is MY particular challenge!)<br><br>
IF despite your best efforts to placce the boundary and reinforce it with things like, "well as I said it is not a topic up for discussion..." and they conintue to go on and on and on about it then I would just be blunt and say "Ok, I get the point that you do not agree with some of our parenting decisions, however it is not your decision and quite frankly I am tired of you trying to make it your business. Please stop bringing it up or I will have to leave, hang up, stop emailing whatever"<br><br>
Hope that this is helpful and that you have a smooth time of it from here on in. Remember you do not have to justify yourself or your family to others regardless of who they are!
 

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Tracy's advice is very good<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"> Don't argue the point, just act very firm with the fact that YOU are the parent and get to decide, then move on.<br><br>
We co-slept with our first child for 18 months exclusively, then slowly moved him into his own bed after that. Our second slept with us and her crib about half and half. We always slept with them (even as they got older) when they got sick, as I needed to be right there to help and comfort them.<br><br>
Emma came home to us from China at 11 months old, and wanted NO part (despite trying on my part many, many times) of co-sleeping. It seemed to really upset and disturb her when I would try to bring her to be with me, so I finally let it go. Now that she is 3 she will occasionally come to bed with me--so she is over her anxiety about it.<br><br>
So you need to do what works for you and your child, and not worry about the other advice. You get to decide what is best for your child, just as your parents and husband's parents got to do things differently than their parents. Act confident in your role and don't debate it--just live it beautifully!<br><br>
Hugs,<br>
Lisa <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Thanks so much for the encouragement! I'll just do what I think is best for the baby and my husband and I when the time comes. It probably makes it worse that I continue to argue back and make excuses for our plans.
 

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Hmm that irks me lol do they feel they have the right to ask you if you and your husband sleep in the same bed or have sex regularly?<br><br>
Hello!! Those are all personal questions that they have no right to be asking - maybe you should ask them a few personal questoins if they keep bugging you about it even after you have said its not up for discussion!
 

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ugh parents!!!<br><br>
co-sleeping is such a bonding time, and since (what is your baby's name again? I forgot ) is coming from China and it will probably be hard adjusting for her I think co-sleeping will be the key to your success as a family, not your failure.<br><br>
I cannot tell you how excited I am for your family, I think about you guys all the time. I feel like I've been waiting forever to "meet" your little one. I can't even imagine how excited you guys are <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Thanks so much! We're planning to name her Rebecca. I'll definitely post a picture when we get the referral in a few months.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 
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