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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
i have a 19 month old, and tonight i went over to visit wth friends who have a 4 year old. he is about to turn 5. heis a sweet boy and gets along with my son very well. my ds loves him to death. thier play releationship is very new, as these friends hve recently moved back to the area. i am excited for ds to have a little buddy so i dont want to make any awkward situation happen by me opening my big mouth when i dont need to .<br><br>
i am still getting this whole boy thing, and so far i understand that boys....well....they are really into their penisies, to be quite honest! yet i havent advanced to the 4 year old boy mentality (LOL) so i wasnt sure how to handle the 4 year olds comment tonight...<br><br>
he has been really fascinat with seeing DS nurse. last time we hung out i let him hang out and downright stare at ds nursing. he was patting ds's hair, and it was quite sweet, very beautiful, actually, just how adorably they were both being. i dint think i should care if the kid was lokng at my breast, but now i think otherwise..<br><br>
tonight he kept telling me that i should nurse ds. well, when ds did actually finally want to nurse, the boy came over to watch, and exclaimed " my penis is going WOAH! what are they doing over there!! its talking to me"<br><br>
while this is very funny in a way, i didnt know how to handle it. i just asked his mom if i could nurse somewhere more quiet sonce ds was getting really distracted anyway. she , the boys mom, didnt hear him say this BTW.<br><br>
later, we nursed again and i told the boy , who was very intently trying to see my breast but i was being intentionally way more discreet this time, that ds "needs privacy when he nurses"<br><br>
what do you make of this situation? is this a normal 4 year old response to nursing? could i have/ should i have handled it differently, and most importantly should i mention this to his parents? maybe they'd want to talk to him about it???
 

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I don't know about boys that age specifically; my 5 month old dd is my first child, and my first significant experience with young children at all.<br><br>
But I know that there are hormones (oxytocin and others) released in mom and baby during nursing, and some males seem to pick up on them in... interesting... ways. For the first couple months after dd was born, dp would get an instant erection whenever we'd start to nurse. He didn't even have to be looking our way, and he wasn't actually aroused by the nursing; it was just something that happened. I was somewhat perturbed by it at first and didn't believe him when he said he wasn't turned on, but it kept on happening like clockwork every time we'd nurse with him in the room, even when he was deeply involved in doing something else, and eventually I took dp at his word. Had quite a few laughs at his expense, actually <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 

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So you think it is seeing your breast, seeing sucking on a woman's breast? I rememeber being 5 or 6 and looking at Playboys me and my sister found and being turned on (though I saw my mom's breasts all the time and saw my father changing clouthes - he never wore underwear then- and thought/felt nothing). So it sounds normal. I actually think it a little endearing that he could be so open about it - that he doesn't yet know how weird and even shameful sexual feelings (though I'm not sure "sexual" is the right word for a 5 year old boy having a physical response to seeing a breast) sometimes are in our culture.<br><br>
Of course, if it makes YOU uncomfortable, then always nurse in private when you are over there and eventually his pestering will for your son to nurse should subside.<br><br>
Tell the parents only if you think they won't be worried and won't tell him his feelings are inappropriate. I'd hate for him to begin hiding his physical experiences (like his penis talking to him - what a wonderful and innocent description) so soon.<br><br>
My friend's son who is 3 through a tantrum when I was taking a shower at her house because he "wanted to peek." My friend never shamed him, just told him that I didn't want him to see me naked, that it is always the choice of the person to be seen naked or not. He quickly moved on to playing hampster.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
oh , his parents wouldnt shame him, they are pretty cool about stuff like that, thats why i think he was so comfortable telling me about his feelings.<br><br>
and thats why i put the word "sexuality" in quotes, i realize what he is experiencing is a 4 year old version of sexuality and it is nothing like what i experience as sexual. i think he is totally sweet and i thought it was such a cute thing to say but i didnt focus on that in my post...<br><br>
i was mainly thinking that his parents might want to know BECAUSE they are open about stuff like that, and so they might want to guide him about it? i just wasnt sure since i dont have a 4 year old..i also thought they might want to know so when it is going on THEY could be the ones to say just the right thing to him, so he doesnt get embarrassed or feel ashamed.<br><br>
it is REALLY interesting to me that darkpears dp would get an instant erection like that . going through pregnancy and stuff has proven to me with no doubt that these hormones really do affect us immensly. i bet it is a pheremone, and that is why it would affect males (or females) in the room. very interesting. i wasnt sure if it was seeing the breast that made him have an erection, he was actually still walking toward us when he said it, now that you post that i wonder if its just the closeness, and the physicalness, and the hormones that made his body react that way....<br><br>
regardless, i just want everyone to know i think littlke kids fascination with thier bodies is very natural and i wasnt offended, just not sure how to properly handle the situation , and how to give the healthiest response to him possible.
 

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DH was about 5 years old when he first found out about sex from a neighborhood kid. He said that from that point on he was turned on by adult women's breasts. Boys and men are just naturally very visual in terms of sex. I believe it is a sexual response but I also believe it is pretty normal.<br><br>
I think his comment is very cute in its naivity; but personally, I would be more discreet about nursing in his presence.
 

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i'm just impressed that the boy was so in tune with his body and able to express it verbally. my five ds is not that attuned. and he is very accustomed to seeing the breast and nursing though he doesn't remember, weaned at two. i think the taboo has lots to do with the reaction. in a normal situation of everyone nursing, breasts would be common place to see. i don't think they were intended to be sexual objects but two three generations of not breastfeeding along with everything else has changed that.<br><br>
as for dealing, i know that for me and my boys and girl, that giving attention to a reaction would only make things weirder. i spend my time trying to talk less! i would find it sad if he was made to feel ashamed on purpose or not. hopefully he can see more nursing in his life. it is okay for you to talk to your friends about it if you believe they would be cool about it and not exacerbate a delicate situation for you, they know their child and it may help you feel more comfortable. and i would want to know if they were me.<br><br>
it may also help you to remember when you were that age, your sensations and perceptions. my feeling is that if needs are mostly met, that age of child is living in the moment and excited about new experiences. a bodily reaction is just that. he is probably curious if it will happen again.<br><br>
just do what you feel right, you have to live with yourself.
 

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I have to disagree with the idea that the only reasons breasts are sexual is because of the last 100 years of formula feeding. If you read literature from thousands of years ago, Song of Solomon in the Bible being one example, breasts have been turning men on for centuries.
 

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My ds is only 5 months old, so I can't speak to the reaction this child had. But in answer to your question, I think I would tell the parents about it since you say that they are open. You can get some guidance from them as to how they would like to deal with the situation, and this may help you the next time you need to nurse when the child is there. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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I LOVE his exclamation! "it's talking to me." What a precious (and hilarious) thing for a boy to say.<br><br>
I'd tell his parents. They'll probably get a kick out of what he said. But I don't know that I wouldn't nurse around him anymore. Was he nursed? Think about your babe's reaction to seeing your breasts. Mine scrunches up his whole face, points his toes, bangs his fists in delight. That reaction may express itself differently in an older child responding to a faint memory. Make sense?
 

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I would tell his parents too.if it was me I would do it in a joking manner for example "your DS made me laught the other day when I was nursing"Ect<br><br>
That really is a cute thing to say<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 
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