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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Why do you love it? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lovestory.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lovestory"><br><br>
So far, (I know my DS is only 3 months old) I feel like 3 is perfect. I've never envisioned having any children, and I know that if I had another, I'd love them just the same, but I really like being a mommy of one.<br><br>
I'm just curious. What things do you love to do, that you maybe couldn't do with more than one babe?
 

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Hey, Greenie, I'm just up the road a ways from you. Well, an hour or two, but anyway...<br><br>
We have only one child, our dd. We love it. We get to do more with her - season passes at Schlitterbahn or Fiesta Texas, we take her to see theater productions that we couldn't afford if there were more of us going.<br><br>
She's a very generous child, and I think part of that is that she is never forced to share her things (like she might if she had a sibling), so she feels secure enough to share them freely without anyone asking.<br><br>
We have more time AND money to do things with her. And more energy. She gets to follow her own interests (not tag along and take soccer because a sibling is taking soccer, etc.) She has her own room (which wouldn't be possible if we had another - small house).<br><br>
It's great!<br><br>
In the past, she has requested a sibling. But it was a passing thing. She has also thanked me profusely for NOT having another child. She has come to believe that she is very lucky to be an only.<br><br>
She gets time with younger children because of my work (teaching toddler and preschool dance and music classes, and DD assists with some of the classes), and enjoys them. So it's not like she's growing up without any knowledge of younger children. She also plays with the older (and younger) siblings of her friends, and wants to babysit when she is older.<br><br>
Just like anything, there are downsides to having an only. But for us, the positives way outnumber the negatives.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Ann-Marita</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">We have more time AND money to do things with her. And more energy. She gets to follow her own interests (not tag along and take soccer because a sibling is taking soccer, etc.) She has her own room (which wouldn't be possible if we had another - small house).</div>
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Hey Austin Mama!! I think that Me and my SO are on a little blue island ourselves.. It's pretty nice here on our little patch. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"><br><br>
That's the biggest reason that I feel like I only want one. We will get to do so much more, and spend so much more time together as a family. I feel complete with just the three of us. Part of me wants a girl, but I'm very happy with my boy. I'm still young, and I'm getting an IUD to keep my options open.. But I'm also really thinking that this is it. My little familia is complete! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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I loved being a mama to one and for 6 years that was all I was planning on doing, until I changed my mind that is <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> I like that my son got individual attention when I feel that he needed it most.
 

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I love that my ds gets all the attention/affection.<br><br>
Having said that, in a perfect world, I would like to have one more child. I would like ds to have a sibling. Since that probably won't happen, I'll concentrate on all the things I'll get to be able to do with him as an only child.
 

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I would like to have more children eventually but I am really enjoying just having one for now. I know when I have a second child I will not be able to give DS the individual attention he gets now, so I'm enjoying it while it lasts.
 

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I also like the fact that, in theory, if ds took a nap...I could too.<br>
In real life that doesn't tend to happen but I just KNOW it can. LOL
 

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We have one who is 3.5 now. The plan was to have two and I thought I'd want to put about 2 years between children. At that point, I was NOT thinking of another one. I have really enjoyed just one child. She is such an easygoing person, our personalities just merge so nicely. In some ways, I think adding another one to the mix will cause some disruption but I can also see the benefits of having a sibling. So, I've finally decided to have another and I am pregnant now, about 8-9 weeks.<br><br>
One thing that really made me see the benefit of a sibling was a story my sister told me about her mother in law. Her MIL is an only child. When her parents passed away, there was no one to go through things with, no one to laugh and cry with , no one to share memories and tell "Remember when ...." stories to. It was a very sad point in her life to have to go thru her childhood home and her parents things all by herself.<br><br>
I'd like to think that having a sibling for our dd will be a gift to her. There are no guarantees in life. I have done the very best I know how to do with raising dd and I will do the same with the new one to arrive and hope that they are truly gifts to each other.<br><br>
That said, I do think I could mother an only and be perfectly content too.
 

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I really like having an only. For me, I found after having one that the sleep deprivation and tolls of mothering were just more than I imagined. Call me a wimp. I do not want to do all of that again AND take care of a preschooler. I love dd a greta deal and love the way things are. We plan to backpack, travel to foreign countries, and do all sorts of adventures that not only are much harder to do with more than one but would also mean putting off our plans for 6 more years.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>PuppyFluffer</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">One thing that really made me see the benefit of a sibling was a story my sister told me about her mother in law. Her MIL is an only child. When her parents passed away, there was no one to go through things with, no one to laugh and cry with , no one to share memories and tell "Remember when ...." stories to. It was a very sad point in her life to have to go thru her childhood home and her parents things all by herself.</div>
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Best friends can do that as well. My best friend has been my best friend since birth - we're just a couple of months apart in age and our moms were best friends.<br><br>
She is an only and so when the family vacationed I went along. I even tagged along to Disney world at 8 or 9.<br><br>
When her dad died when we were 10 I spent the funeral day with her doing whatever she wanted (mostly away from the house and the mourners).<br><br>
We've been there for each other through (sometimes very similar) drama in both our families.<br><br>
It's really like having a sibling. Neither of us can remember a time when we didn't know each other - we've always just been together.<br><br>
With DS we will do the same: bring his best friend along on camping trips, family vacations etc. And I imagine in his life he will have a best friend or a boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife with whom he'd share something like cleaning out our house after we die.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>PuppyFluffer</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">One thing that really made me see the benefit of a sibling was a story my sister told me about her mother in law. Her MIL is an only child. When her parents passed away, there was no one to go through things with, no one to laugh and cry with , no one to share memories and tell "Remember when ...." stories to. It was a very sad point in her life to have to go thru her childhood home and her parents things all by herself.</div>
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I AM an only child, and quite honestly this is one of the big reasons we are having 2 children. I know there are no guarantees that they'll be 'best friends', but I would love to have someone to reminisce with about the joys and aggravations, and fond memories of my ever dwindling extended family (I am an only child, only neice, only grandchild on my mom's side so as everyone is aging and dying, I feel more and more alone...) Even if it was to just call someone and say, "Oh man, mom/dad is driving me CRAZY lately", I have no one to do that with. When my parents are gone, that's it. No cousins, nothing but me. And I too am DREADING having to go through their things "alone". I know I have DH and our kids (and a great network of friends that are "like" family), but it's not quite the same as having another person with you who actually lived it while you did.<br><br>
Sorry, didn't mean to drag you all down. I did have a FABULOUS childhood, and I'm sure that in part is because my parents could devote all their energy to me. Friends have said that I'm the LEAST "spoiled" only child they know...DH refused to believe I was an only while we were dating, until he finally met my family and saw there really wasn't anyone else <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> So, I guess what I'm saying is that if anyone is debating having a second child because they don't want their only to be spoiled, it doesn't have to be that way - I'm living proof. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>PuppyFluffer</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">One thing that really made me see the benefit of a sibling was a story my sister told me about her mother in law. Her MIL is an only child. When her parents passed away, there was no one to go through things with, no one to laugh and cry with , no one to share memories and tell "Remember when ...." stories to. It was a very sad point in her life to have to go thru her childhood home and her parents things all by herself.</div>
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This can also go the other way. My SM had a huge row with her brother while sorting their parent's stuff and they haven't spoken since. A good friend who is an only child had his parents die in the past two years and did this with an Aunt, cousin and his wife. He liked that everything that had meaning to him was his to decide about.<br><br>
I love my wee family of three. We are definately complete. dd is friendly and outgoing but also very self-sufficient and easy to be around. I loved having siblings and know DD will miss out on some of that stuff - but I also see that *I* missed out of some pretty wonderful things by being one of many.
 

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We will most likely have another child in a couple of years, but I am hesitant about it because there are things I really love about having 1 child.<br><br>
I can do everything at his pace. When we are out and about, we can go as slow or as fast as he wants. If he wants to circle around the park 3 times, we can do that. I love that. I know I will miss that with a 2nd child because I really don't expect them to want to do the same things at the same pace. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> Also, at home, I can read him as many books as he wants or rock him or nurse him whenever he wants. I love having that luxury!<br><br>
Travelling has also been great. When he was smaller, we were able to take him with us everywhere and go out for romantic dinners after he was asleep (Even did this on our last trip for a nightcap! He sleeps in his stroller while we do our thing.) Now we are able to plan our trips around things he will enjoy.<br><br>
So we will probably have another one, but if we don't, I am very happy with our family of three. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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We have an only by choice too.<br><br>
I don't think I had any preconceived notions about how many kids I wanted. But as soon as I got one fabulous healthy little boy I thought - this is perfect, this is all I need.<br><br>
I don't meet many families who have one by choice these days. But our reasons are very much like the pp's who are doing the same.<br>
Especially the time and travel and energy.<br><br>
All the talk about "needing" siblings is rubbish I think. As others have said --- there is no guarantee that one will have a relationship with their siblings as children or adults. And many of us turn to our friends or other family realtions when we need an ear.<br><br>
We need a tribe where we can support each other... there was one earlier but maybe it is time to start another, eh?
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
See, when I'm talking to someone, and they say "Oh, when you have another in a few years..." and I correct them "IF I have another in 5 years...." they just seem hellbent on instructing to me WHY I need another (lonely, spoiled, someone to help take care of me when I'm old) I just don't get it. Why do people feel the need to tell me that I'm doing the wrong thing? Do I really need to add another human to the planet?<br><br>
Having one makes me so happy. We go on our morning walk around the apartments, check the mail, go out to eat, go shopping, and it feels so comfortable. I watch him, worry about him, and nothing else. I just think that I can always change my mind and TTC again, but honestly, once you have another, you lose so many things. So many opurtunities.<br><br>
And all of the onlies that I know like being an only. One girl got to get a new car and a very good college education, and didn't have to worry about her bills, since her mom could help her more. They get the things that they need. And, it may sound shallow, but they can get the things that they want. Their own room, the nice shoes, etc. I was in a fam of three kids, and there was always fighting, and always resentment, and when I went to stay with family all by myself, I much preffered it.
 

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I have wanted 5 children for as long as I can remember, but I didn't realize how hard pregnancy was going to be for me. At this point in time, I feel so blessed to have 1 healthy little guy, the risk is too great for me to get pregnant again. I have more to lose this time around if I didn't make it. And I am shocked at how content I am to have 1. Maybe it's because we lost our daughter, maybe it's because getting Adam here was quite an ordeal, or maybe it's God giving me peace about a decision we made out of necessity rather than choice. I am really enjoying all of the positives you all are highlighting.<br>
Gossamer
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>gossamer</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I have wanted 5 children for as long as I can remember, but I didn't realize how hard pregnancy was going to be for me.</div>
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I was sick almost every day in my 3rd trimester. It was HORRIBLE! I was nauseous all the time in the first tri, hearburn hell in the second, and in the third, it was all of the above. My water broke before I went into labor, so I had to be induced, and I had the most horrible experience in the hospital.<br><br>
I vowed that I'll never have another baby in the hospital, but I don't really know if I would need a medical delivery again.. Another reason that I'm happy with one. He's the coolest guy I know!
 

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We just have our 2.5 year old dd and we feel "done".<br><br>
I love being able to run with her (or wait for her) whichever it happens to be. I like that - while we don't have a lot of money - we feel we can spend some on museums, movies and other things with her. She knows how to wait for the things she wants, and knows that she won't always get them. She also know how to share well because (I believe) like another poster said, she feels very secure that she will always have what she needs, even if she gives some of it away.<br><br>
Neither dh nor I are home-bodies. We love to travel and be out and about. Even though I know it's very possible to travel and be outdoors with 2 or 3 or 8 kids, I like the flexibility of having just one. We bring her everywhere, and there isn't a lot of time lost on prepping (with coats, carseats, snacks, etc.) We just <i>go.</i><br><br>
Another reason is that my heart isn't quite normal and may not be up for another pregnancy. Even though my cardiologist has told us that a "2nd child would not be contraindicated", we wouldn't want to chance it. Even with my 1st pregnancy, dh was having nightmares about having to raise dd alone. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
There are lots of reasons. Mostly, we just feel complete now. Even when I see other newborns or spend time with families with 2 or 3, I don't get the "urge".
 

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I love the stories about wanting to have more children so they have a friend, soemone to laugh, cry etc with... Yeah, ASSUMING they'd get along their whole lives *rolls eyes* I'm sorry, but that's a DREAM, and not always reality, please remember that.<br><br><br>
I have two half-brothers, but was raised an only child. I enjoyed it. I had (still have) a very close friend my entire life, and grew up in the same home as a cousin (who was 11 years older than me), and we are also still very close.<br><br>
I have 1 DD and 1 DSS. If it weren't for the fact that I have a step-child, I would probably stick with just the one I have. I would like more children in the future, but when I stop to think realisticly, I don't know if that will happen, I don't know if I truly WANT that to happen.<br><br>
I enjoy my DD very much, and parenting has been a struggle for me on many occasions. It's gotten easier as time goes on, and I know the baby stage doesn't last forever, but the financial drain lasts a LONG time, and the plain out stresses of day-to-day life, with an added person lasts alot longer than the baby stage.<br><br>
We'll see. I'm young, and am not stuck in ANY plan, but for now am happy with the one I have.
 

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DH and I are 100% done. I could list a Million reasons for the advantages of having an Only Child.<br><br>
Me Time-I need it, He (DH) needs it to recharge. We both stress VERY easily. We like peace and quiet. I can't stand too much activity. I am already going to have to deal with 15 kids at DS's big birthday bash.<br><br>
VacationDH and I are Disney Fanatics- This year, we are taking DS to Disney World followed by a Disney Cruise. This is our first family vacation and we are going out. This vacation is going to cost of several thousand $$...we couldn't do this if we had more another child(ren)<br><br>
I am a working mom. DH (WAHD) takes care of DS during the day. I don't get home until 6:30pm...there is no way I'd have time to cook. I can go to our local Piccadilly restaurant and get 1 childs plate for $2.99 complete with entree and 2 veggies. I can't do that with more than 1 child.<br><br>
Babysitter- It is easier for us financially to pay a babysitter for 1 even though we don't use one (My Mom) often. My mom stresses out easily (guess I got it from her) so she is Thankful she only has 1 grandchild.<br><br>
Laundry- I can't keep up with the laundry for 1 child. No way I could for more.<br><br>
Estate Planning/Guardians- It was easier to find a decent Guardian/Executor for DS. If something happens to DH and I BOTH, he is a Million dollar kid. Life insurance premium can get costly and we have a monthly budget for just the right amount.<br><br>
I have to go now but will continue with more advangtages for *US*. It works for our family.<br><br>
PS, I am almost 3 years Post Partum and I am JUST starting to feel like my old self Pre-baby. Post Partum Depression was HELL for me. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 
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