[milkmommie]

I'm really struggling with this one.
We are reformed smokers here

BUT we never smoked in the house or car with our kids. It seems like everyone here smokes in their house and cars with the kids! It drives me absolutely bonkers. We also live in a very "behind the times" state. There are no anti-smoking laws here. I HATE going out to dinner unless we cross the border (close to where we live thank god).
So, my ds 16 has a best friend. They love to hang out at said friend's house because there are no younger siblings there and they're more free to be teens and hang out. I get it, we don't have video games, they can't watch whatever they want on TV etc. Our house is not the fun teenager house.
BUT every time my ds comes home from hanging at his bf's house, he reeks!!! I keep telling him that it's the same or worse as him smoking the cigs himself. He says he knows and he hates it. But won't stop going over there. I've recently resisted the urge to sniff his breath to be totally sure he's not joining in...that's how bad/strong he smells!

I don't feel comfortable telling him he's not allowed in their house. It's totally unenforceable and asking for trouble to draw that kind of line in the sand with my ds. Is this one I just have to let go and let him live his life and make his mistakes?
WWYD?

 

[Susana]

If I were in this situation I think I would try to turn my own house into a "fun teenage" house that he and his friend would want to come to more often so that they wouldn't want to be over at the smokey house all the time.

 

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

If smoking is prevalent in your community, then probably limiting exposure to smoke for you teen is not realistic. I agree with Susana that making your house more friendly would be about the only proactive solution that I can come up with - if this is really important, maybe its worth investing in a video game system. Maybe you could become the house with the best teen snacks or something.

Of course, I would make sure that he understood the dangers of smoking. I think you can also require him to shower and do his own laundry when he comes home to keep your house from smelling.

 

[chiromamma]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Susana If I were in this situation I think I would try to turn my own house into a "fun teenage" house that he and his friend would want to come to more often so that they wouldn't want to be over at the smokey house all the time.

I agree.

 

[milkmommie]

Yeah, that's what I was thinking too. But it's a harder logistical suggestion than it sounds on the surface. I'd have to actually WANT one of those game systems in my house and try to figure out a way to make it not accessable to the youngers. Plus they stay up late and make lots of noise....not compatible with a housefull of sleeping kiddos and a DH who gets up for work at 3am. I guess some of this will be solved when school's back in and he doesn't have so much extra time. I wish other people would at least look at what they're doing to their kid's lungs and smoke out doors.

 

[Mamax3]

My son (age 11) has a friend whose family (and I mean everyone in the home except this kid and his little sister) smoke, this is the sweetest boy and whenever we invite this kid over I have to drive with my windows down in my car and hate the idea of this kid bringing his overnight bag into my sons room because it reeks so bad of cigarettes.

My son had a sleepover the other night and invited several friends all of them brought sleeping bags because they intended to pitch a tent in my backyard to sleep. Well, this poor boys sleeping bag and pillow smelled so bad, I hung everyones sleeping bags on the clothesline and pillows on the clothesline and told the kids I was just airing them out before they put them in the tents.

I don't get these people, this boy has severe asthma and takes an inhaler everywhere he goes and they smoke in the house! It just really bugs me.

This boy invited my son over to his house this summer and I so "no" he can come here but you are not going there.

 

[milkmommie]

Yep, you gotta love the die hard smokers that ignore the news EVERYWHERE that smoking in your home hurts your kids. I've even had friends with asthmatic kids who swore they smoked through pregnancy and their kids are just FINE!! She was actually insulted when we stopped going to hang out at their house when I got preg.

I wish my DS was young enough for me to say "no and that's final" and he just wouldn't go over there.

I don't have that option any more. I HATE when he comes home from there reeking of cig smoke. Most of the time I make him shower right away.

I have been able to coax them over here more often lately. But ds still loves to be sibling free by hanging out at his friends house. It's so hard. IMO it borders on abuse to smoke in a house with kids. But I still could never call them and say, "please refrain from smoking inside when my DS is there".

: