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This is more of a vent than anything else. If someone here does this then I'm sorry, but it agitates me more than anything to see a parent yell at a child in public.
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It always happens at Walmart.
Anyway, this morning my oldest child and I were at Walmart while my youngest was in swim lessons. He was picking up a toy for a child for a gift in the toy section and I was on the next aisle over looking at school stuff that was put out early. This mother with 5 kids in tow was 2 aisles down from me yelling at one of her kids. He was around 8 or 9 I guess and was asking for a toy. She kept yelling (at the top of her lungs) "we did NOT come here to buy toys" and "if you don't shut up I will smack you". She said things like this over and over just as loud as she could. The kids were obviously embarrassed.

I have always despised this type of treatment toward children. Okay, I have a very difficult child at times (4 yr old) and when we go in to a store we talk "BEFORE" we go in about the behavior that is expected. My kids know that I will simply drop the cart where it's at and walk right out of the store and take them home and go back another day without them. I've done it!!!! More times than once.
My child hates it when we go shopping and I threaten to leave. She knows I will do it. The fact that I HAVE left stores in the middle of shopping are to my advantage because they know I will leave again. It doesn't bother me in the least bit to go back again once my husband is home and can watch them.

Why can't other parents implement some sort of plan before going shopping with young children?!! Why stand there and scream at the top of your lungs to your child. She was obviously stressed, had 5 kids with her and obviously couldn't go shopping along so she needed a better strategy.
I guess I just don't understand some people.

Plus, I just can't stand to hear someone talk so rudely to a child. The kid is doing what kids do best...begging for stuff they don't need. You take them to a store with eye-candy (toys and other gadgets) and they are going to want it unless you have THE TALK before you go in the store.

Oh I have to mention what I did today. I got my son to walk over with the toy and I said "wow, that's a cool toy" right in front of this woman and her kids.
hahaha!!! It pissed that woman off. I could just tell.

Okay, vent is over.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by mommy68
I have always despised this type of treatment toward children. Okay, I have a very difficult child at times (4 yr old) and when we go in to a store we talk "BEFORE" we go in about the behavior that is expected. My kids know that I will simply drop the cart where it's at and walk right out of the store and take them home and go back another day without them. I've done it!!!! More times than once.
My child hates it when we go shopping and I threaten to leave. She knows I will do it. The fact that I HAVE left stores in the middle of shopping are to my advantage because they know I will leave again. It doesn't bother me in the least bit to go back again once my husband is home and can watch them.
Not everybody has that option. I used to do all my grocery shopping in the evenings, because that was the only possible time to do it. I couldn't leave and come back, because I needed to shop almost every day, anyway (no car). Sometimes, the stress involved in grocery shopping had me crying all the way home. And, yeah - sometimes I did yell at ds1. I tried really hard not to, but sometimes I lost it. However, I didn't go around threatening to smack him...that's not part of my parenting philosophy.

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Why can't other parents implement some sort of plan before going shopping with young children?!! Why stand there and scream at the top of your lungs to your child. She was obviously stressed, had 5 kids with her and obviously couldn't go shopping along so she needed a better strategy.
I guess I just don't understand some people.
What kind of strategy? I find it almost impossible to find a workable plan for getting my two out to shop without a lot of stress. What works one trip doesn't necessarily work the next time, anyway.

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You take them to a store with eye-candy (toys and other gadgets) and they are going to want it unless you have THE TALK before you go in the store.
I had "the talk" with ds1 every time we went shopping. Usually, he was fine. Sometimes, he wasn't. DD doesn't care what I say before we go shopping, because once we're in the store, nothing I said outside is relevant to her. She's just hyped.

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Oh I have to mention what I did today. I got my son to walk over with the toy and I said "wow, that's a cool toy" right in front of this woman and her kids.
hahaha!!! It pissed that woman off. I could just tell.
She's got five kids with her and is already probably stressed and yelling at them, so you went out of your way to try to piss her off? May I ask why? When I was working full-time, trying to hold together my family, keeping my son fed, clothed, bathed, healthy and loved, and coping with an emotionally abusive husband, people like you were my worst nightmare, quite frankly. I really didn't need total strangers who were completely ignorant about my situation going out of their way to make things worse.
 

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Quote:
The kid is doing what kids do best...begging for stuff they don't need.
: I don't find your attitude about children and what they do best any better than the mother you are venting about, to be honest.

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She's got five kids with her and is already probably stressed and yelling at them, so you went out of your way to try to piss her off? May I ask why? When I was working full-time, trying to hold together my family, keeping my son fed, clothed, bathed, healthy and loved, and coping with an emotionally abusive husband, people like you were my worst nightmare, quite frankly. I really didn't need total strangers who were completely ignorant about my situation going out of their way to make things worse.
 

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I agree that hearing children being told to "shut Up" in walmart gets old.

However, I also understand that everyone situation is different and I don't know the whole story. If I had been the mom you had your kid antagonize I'd probably have turned some of my frustration at you. What are you teaching your son by doing this? to make fun of kids that can't have what he has?
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by mommy68

Oh I have to mention what I did today. I got my son to walk over with the toy and I said "wow, that's a cool toy" right in front of this woman and her kids.
hahaha!!! It pissed that woman off. I could just tell.

I'm not here to make enemies with anyone but wow....

You recognize that this woman is probably already stressed and not handling a situation well with 5 kids in tow and you use your child in a situation you manufacture to irritate the mother and hurt the childs feelings?
Wow.....just...wow.
You'd probably do well to realize that there are so many different people/families with so many different situations in this world (probably alot which you could never imagine), and you're not doing any favors by making judgments and intentionally adding to others stress, ect....
I 99.9% of the time do exactly as you've explained....have the talk and leave if needed. Works differently for different kids (we have 7). My 9yo, it doesn't work on. She still wants what she wants and has a hard time controlling the impulses to not ask. I understand the frustration of hearing parents treat their kids like that, really, I do. How about next time you offer a kind word to the mother and child and try to diffuse the situation instead of adding fuel to the fire.
 

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Ditto to the pps. I only have two, and some days I handle things beautifully, and other days, well, not so much. I don't generally yell at the top of my lungs in a store, but more than once you would have caught me in a very un-GD moment of hissing through gritted teeth saying something like "Goddamit, I have asked you 4 times not to grab that!" I feel embarassed even typing it, but it's the truth. I have never threatened to hit them, but I have said plenty of things that I regret.

I can think of many reasons why she couldn't just walk out of the store and come back another time. It's entirely possible she is a single mom. It's entirely possible that she works evenings. It's entirely possible that she needed a particular item right at that time. We don't know. Just like if you heard me hissing at my kid you wouldn't know that I'd gotten 3 hours sleep cuz ds2 is teething and ds1 has a nagging cough, that the eczema on my hands is so freaking irritating that I'm about to lose my mind even before the kids start in, and dh has to work late that night cuz the server crashed. It doesn't turn my behavior into model parenting, but I'm human.

And yes, I may have secretly rolled my eyes at her screaming and threats, but if anything I would have tried to help out (ask her permission to offer the kids one of my snacks, stop and compliment one of the kids on their cool shirt or cute dress to distract them, whatever), not antagonize her further. I feel like we teach our kids just as much by how we treat other people as how we treat them.
 

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It makes me cringe a little to hear parents yelling like that, but I do try to remind myself that I don't know the whole story. And I've had my share of very bad moments too. Often in public places! And I'll tell you what -- its even harder when your child is 8 or 9 (rather than younger) and acting up, because you know they are capable of being cooperative and you wonder why the hell they are choosing this moment to give you a hard time! Its hard work, but its in everyone's best interest to give parents the benefit of the doubt at every opportunity. That mama needed a little empathy, so that she could calm down and refocus.
 

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Maybe instead of being judgemental and going out of your way to further stress the mother out you could have engaged her or the children in a positive way?

Believe me, I cringe when I hear or see things like that but I have learned it is much more effective to try to positively engage the mama or children rather than to be a further part of the problem.

An example, I was in the store a few months ago and there was a small child begging for a toy, over and over and over and over again and I could see that the mama was becoming really frustrated and seemed desperate. She seemed to be trying to handle her child the best way she knew how, but I admit it wasn't too gentle. I sort of made my way towards them and pretended to look at something closeby. I looked over and said something like "wow, you can't say he isn't persistent" with a laugh and a sympathetic look. The mama looked suprised and embarrassed and I just said "seriously, it seems annoying now but that will take him far in life, he won't take no for an answer" and kind of laughed again -- not at her obviously but laughed in the spirit of *kids will be kids* etc. Then I engaged the boy "what do you have?" "wow, you have this and that toy" (or whatever). The mom looked so relieved and I am glad I did it. I try to do that now, even in situations where I may be judging the mama internally. I feel like I have to squelch that judgement to achieve my immediate goal --- to help her calm down and not take things further out on her child.

Maybe next time you could try doing that and see if it helps. I think intentionally trying to stress her out more was highly unproductive.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Storm Bride
Not everybody has that option. I used to do all my grocery shopping in the evenings, because that was the only possible time to do it. I couldn't leave and come back, because I needed to shop almost every day, anyway (no car). Sometimes, the stress involved in grocery shopping had me crying all the way home. And, yeah - sometimes I did yell at ds1. I tried really hard not to, but sometimes I lost it. However, I didn't go around threatening to smack him...that's not part of my parenting philosophy.

What kind of strategy? I find it almost impossible to find a workable plan for getting my two out to shop without a lot of stress. What works one trip doesn't necessarily work the next time, anyway.

I had "the talk" with ds1 every time we went shopping. Usually, he was fine. Sometimes, he wasn't. DD doesn't care what I say before we go shopping, because once we're in the store, nothing I said outside is relevant to her. She's just hyped.

She's got five kids with her and is already probably stressed and yelling at them, so you went out of your way to try to piss her off? May I ask why? When I was working full-time, trying to hold together my family, keeping my son fed, clothed, bathed, healthy and loved, and coping with an emotionally abusive husband, people like you were my worst nightmare, quite frankly. I really didn't need total strangers who were completely ignorant about my situation going out of their way to make things worse.

 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by captain crunchy
Maybe next time you could try doing that and see if it helps. I think intentionally trying to stress her out more was highly unproductive.
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