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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Anyone else have a partner who is not excited about the baby? This is our first child and it was unplanned. He said it's not that he doesn't want the baby, he's just scared and can only think about finances and making money right now. I've been waiting for him to "come around" but am getting impatient and resentful. I know it is all going to work itself out, just wondering if anyone else is having a similar experience.
Thanks ladies!
 

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I think this process is very different for the father. Especially if it's his first experience. There just isn't the same level of attachment as we have, because it's physically, spiritually, mentally, emotionally connected to us on such a personal level. And for a father who has an ideal of what "providing for his family" looks like, it's probably pretty stressful.
It's almost guaranteed that once he meets your little person all that will fade away. Watching a father fall in love with their child is magical.

Enjoy this process as your process, if he's stressed about other things. These months of growing a child are special, but it's not something you can share with another who hasn't experienced it.
Sending loving thoughts to your little clan.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Thank you so much, you are absolutely right. I'm focusing on loving my child and being pregnant. Also, I've realized that the more I talk to him about the baby, say her name, tell him when she's kicking or how my doctor appt. went, the more open and smiley he has been. I can't wait to see them together :)
 

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Oh my gosh- sounds JUST like my husband when we found out we were expecting out first. I told him I was pregnant, he hugged me, then he sat down and immediately started talking about money. I was crushed. This actually led to a span of about three months where I was super depressed and wondering if I should have married him (we had been married only a few months). It was awful.

Things changed only because we moved (for financial reasons) and we were able to unite in our hatred of the new living situation. Haha.

When the baby was born, he was in a state of "I don't know what to do." It wasn't easy for either for us. However, he did learn and he did love her. It got easier for him as she got older.

Now? We are expecting baby #5 and he is an awesome father! He gets excited about every baby and it's wonderful. Having children has made me love him more than ever.

Give it time. Chances are very good he will grow into it. Don't nag him or pressure him. Try to make him feel included, without forcing it on him. I know how hard it is to not get upset and emotional... after all, you're pregnant!!!
 
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My husband has a stronger bond with his son (my third child, but his first) than I do, but this pregnancy I have been nagging him a little bit about being more involved with the pregnancy physically. He doesn't try to feel the baby kick, I have to take his hand and put it on my belly and if the baby happens to be moving around he gets alarmed and asks why he is doing that and is he okay as if it's a bad thing. I know he'll bond with the baby once it's out and real to him, but right now his job is to go to work so that I can stay home and not be so stressed. I'm just hormonal and nitpicky about this subject. If this was my first kid, I think I would be worried about it more.
 

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I think it's quite common for the man to be a bit detached with their first baby, it certainly was with ours. He said afterwards that the Nine months gestation is the necessary length of time for a man to get used to the idea! My DH was most concerned about money, my health and our relationship during my first pregnancy. After the birth of our 1st child he fell immediately in love but remained a "distant" dad and partner for some months afterwards. I think that was partly my fault for being upset with him during the pregnancy and pushing him away and doing All the parenting myself... :(
However, things have got better and better over the years. We are expecting our 5th too and even though baby was an accident and has a chromosome disorder, DH lets me know daily how much he loves baby and me. Time and maturity (for all of us) helps with emotional freedom and you will be ok :thumb. Men can just sometimes face things differently and what they do and what they think is not always the same :wink:
 

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Silverbirch, you just reminded me... my husband said before the arrival of his son that he quote: "would never change a diaper," and, "would never buy any toys that make noise." As you can imagine, none of that actually happened.
 
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