[lunadoula]

Sorry if this isn't the right place to post this - I wasn't sure. After the baby is born I am going to SAHM, and my wife is going to continue working but will take time off when the baby comes. We know she's entitled to 12 weeks (mostly unpaid, of course) under FMLA but we're trying to gauge how much time she should take off. We *could* afford for her to take off the full 12 weeks, but I don't know if that's really necessary, kwim? On the other hand, we've never parented so it's hard to know. We want to have adequate time to bond as a family.

How much did your DP (for those who are partnered and whose partners work) take off work after the baby was born? Do you wish DP had taken more time off? Less? What goes into this decision besides $$?

 

[~pi]

nak

my dh took 2 weeks vacation when ds was born and will be taking four months of parental leave when i go back to school next year. it is a financial stretch for us (we are draining our savings to do this) but we want one or both of us to be home with ds for as long as possible.

i found that the first 2 weeks helped in establishing a great co-parenting approach. it was also really helpful to me because we had some trouble with nursing after a short nicu stay. i was using a sns at first, so i really appreciated having an extra set of hands.

after dh went back to work my dad was with us for 10 days, doing all the cooking, cleaning and grocery shopping. it was big help to have him there, but it wasn't the same as having dh.

if i could afford it, i would go for the full 12 weeks.

 

[~PurityLake~]

My husband took exactly 7 days off from work when our daughter was born. Unfortunately, he didn't get any of that time paid for, and the first 4 days of it, we were in the hospital.
This time, he plans to take 7 days off again, but he'll get paid vacation time for it. If money wasn't a factor, I'd want him to be home longer. He wouldn't like it though, money or not, he likes working more than staying home.

 

[*guest]

My husband took his 3 weeks of paid paternity leave. 12 weeks would be heaven if you can swing it! I miss out on support during the day, and I do most of the nighttime work too since he has to get up and think. It stinks, and he feels like he's missing out on this period of rapid change.

 

[elmh23]

My dd was born Monday and Friday was dh's first day back. At the time, he was a full time student (though he skipped his classes that week) and worked full time. We needed the money. I'm hoping with this baby he'll be able to take 5 days off, but I'm doubtful. This time not because of the money, but because his work doesn't know what to do without him.

 

[rzberrymom]

Quote:

12 weeks would be heaven if you can swing it! I miss out on support during the day, and I do most of the nighttime work too since he has to get up and think. It stinks, and he feels like he's missing out on this period of rapid change.

I totally agree--as much as you can swing. My DH and I spent weeks just enjoying having DD sleep on his chest while we read a book. It was heaven! It goes so fast, and you can never get that time with the little ones back.

 

[honeybee]

I assume you are bio mom? Bio mom def needs 12 weeks if bf, but for the partner, it really depends on your individual situation. 12 weeks would be awesome, but probably not necessary.

Dh took 2 weeks off for both boys. With ds1, I really needed him those 2 weeks because I was anemic and really worn out. I thought I wanted him longer this time, but at 2 weeks, I was doing fine. He's taken some sick and vacation time since then, which is nice. Your dp doesn't have to take FMLA all in one chunk. It can be spread out. Then you have some time as a family when baby is older and more interactive.

BTW, what state do you live in? I'm impressed that dp would be able to qualify for FMLA. I wish the rest of the country would come out of the dark ages of discrimination.

 

[WNB]

Take as much time as you can afford to - your child will only be this tiny once. I've had a remarkably easy time right from birth on (5 hours of labor, no post-partum pain that ibuprofen wouldn't mitigate, easy bf'ing and happym healthy babe) -- but I'm still THRILLED that my dh is spending a lot of time @ home and will be for the next 3 months at least. Both parents need to bond. Would your wife consider trying to induce lactation so you could both play a role in feeding her? That's the only thing I feel sort of guilty about now -- I can't share that closeness that comes from nursing with my husband, just not physically possible. (I feel guilty b/c I get to be closer to our daughter, that's all.)

 

[aweynsayl]

ok, this is going to sound odd- unless someone else already said it, posting fast while ds is asleep, so sorry if this is a repeat-- IF you can, have her take time off scattered. in other words-- can she take off the first two weeks, go back part time, and take some more time off later at those pivotal change times... i forget what they are, but like 8 weeks i think is one major growth spurt time.... times when dc wont sleep as well, and having her not have to get up and go to work the next morning will be GREAT.... make sense?

 

[ani'smommy]

My DH took 2 weeks off and then worked part-time for 2 weeks. It was great to have him home. DD was also born around Xmas so he had a few days off in there too, with Xmas and New Years. I would have liked him to say home a bit longer, but four weeks was nice.

 

[lunadoula]

Thanks for all the replies! Yes, I am the biomom. Honeybee - We live in Minnesota. We cannot be legally married obviously, but we do have 2nd parent adoption here, so dw qualifies for FMLA under that (plus I think her company's policy is pretty inclusive of same-sex couples even though legally they don't *have* to be- my company's is too). She is not interested at all in inducing lactation, though I know women who have done that and it's very cool! We'll have to explore with her work what they are willing to consider in terms of scattering time, etc.

 

[marlee]

The full 12 weeks or staggered is a great suggestion as well.

 

[the_lissa]

I am a SAHM and my DP took 8 weeks off with our first and is taking 17 weeks off this time. Here, one is entitled to 37 weeks of parental leave paid at 55% by the government. With our first, we could only afford to live on half our income for 8 weeks and only because we had just got our tax refund and work bonus. This time, DP's new work tops up the 55% to 93% for 17 weeks, so that is how long he is taking off.

 

[2M's Mom]

DH took 1 1/2 weeks off with DD, which for us was no way enough. With DS he saved up vacation and took 4 weeks off. That was perfect for me! My suggestion, have DP take as much time off as you can afford. Maybe strike a deal with work to see if she can go back early if she and you decide you are all ready. Good Luck!

 

[MommaCrystal]

My husband had about 6 weeks off. And it was HEAVEN! I would have had him home forever if we could. To do it he saved up vacation time and then worked from home part time, then full time, then went back into the office as usual.

It was wonderful. We were able to ease into the new sitauation and it made life so much more enjoyable.

 

[StrawberryFields]

My dh took one week off work, but ds was born over Thanksgiving so we got an extra 1/2 week out of it because the office was closed. IMO we did *ok* but it wasn't really enough time. I think that 3 or 4 weeks would have been better, by that time PP I was feeling fine, we were taking ds out to holiday parties and I had the hang of breastfeeding.

 

[chelsmm]

I think that it's important to take some time right away, but then some more time after a while. My dh took 2 weeks (unpaid) up front and then another week about 6 weeks later. For me, after 2 weeks, I was ready for him to go back to work so that I could figure out how to survive without him! I am a sahm (although I work 2 night shift on weekends, I don't really count that) and I found it important to establish my routine, as lax as it was! Plus, I learned how to go out on my own with the baby, etc. We didn't take many visitors in those 2 weeks either. It was time just for us.

 

[ellacy]

My dh is a teacher and we had about 3 weeks from when babe was born 'til school started. That was fine for us as I had lots of experience w/ babies and felt comfortable on my own. Dh tried to come home earlier than he used to, too. A few days interspersed here & there would have been nice, but difficult to predict the need for until the day of.

 

[dawncayden]

4 weeks for us...we wish it was 6 weeks.

Dawn

 

[ma_Donna]

I'd recommend 2 full weeks (but at least one) and then part time for a while.

I've put in about 20 hours since my son was born 3 weeks ago

: all of it has been with Nathan (lots of nak), some of it at home with both boys, some at the office with Noah home with Papa. I'm an engineer in a very small firm and VERY flexible with hours, just unfortunately some crisis managment items have popped up boo hoo, but it's OK for overall a very flexible part time schedule.