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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Forgive me if there is a group for this already but I did a search and couldn't find what I need. I was hoping we could have a support group for families dealing with alcoholism.

Well here is my story. It is 11:30 and I am staying up to make sure my husband doesn't try to cosleep with my daughter, he is drunk. I know this as evidenced by the 2 liters of empty Vodka bottles I found in my garage and the fact that he was eating raw chicken. He wanted hot wings so started cooking them but only cooked them for 20 minutes. He has yelled at me and called me a lieing B!tch and denies being drunk. THis is a cycle at our house. He gets drunk, gets better, does the AA thing, gets drunk. It is compounded by the fact that he has ulcers. So I am always half afraid and half hoping he will develop esophageal varices and be gone for good.

Well not quite. I have a good marriage when he is not drinking. He doesn't think it is a problem because he isn't as bad as his dad. We have been TTC baby #2 but now I really hope I am not pregnant becuase the thought of another child going through this makes me sick. I can never relax I am always smelling his breath and looking for booze which he hides. Oh and he often loses control of his bladder when drinking also.

I have lost a lot of respect for him as a person. I think he is selfish and emotionally abusive. He always plays the "I can't help it card" the next day but will never stick to his treatment. It conflicts with his "band". We are military and I have been thinking of turning him into his first sergeant but I am afraid he would get kicked out. That's what he told me anyway.

So anybody else out there like me? I think we need a place to support each other. I would go to Al-Anon but there isn't one here, just AA.

Thanks
 

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Hi.
Yes, unfortunately my dh is an alcoholic - a functioning alcoholic, but an alcoholic nonetheless. (plus he smokes pot almost daily....has been an addict since he was a young teen)
Also, the military lifestyle really sucked in that regard as pretty much all they did was drink and stuff when not working.
I don't have time to type alot right now, but will write more later.
In the meantime, here's a hug
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Thanks, he started with the "I will never drink again" stuff this morning and dumped his booze, but you I don't believe it, not for a second. I am glad I got a reply though.

Now that I have had time to calm down I am still on the fence. I guess I always will be. I know I am not going to leave anytime soon, but I have decided to get a job to start banking some money. At the very least I won't feel so helpless all the time. I am going to look after I get home from vacation, we are going home for two weeks I don't want to leave, I just hate the idea of having my daughter around this.

I am so glad their are others like me out there.
 

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sounds like my husband.. he leaves the house to go to "work" stays out drinking and doesnt come home till the next day, saying "I can't help it" "im an alcoholic" but doesnt do anything about it (I know that he is an alcoholic, but he is not helping himself" i do have compassion for him but i can't take it anymore, he acts like im not suffering at all and that he is the only victim.. last nite he comes home staggering, and he had driven home!!! i couldn't believe it he could have killed someone!! or himself!! then i have to monitor him to make sure he doesnt go and sleep in the same bed as my dd (he cosleeps with my 2 year old and i cosleep with my nine month old) he is angry at me for some reason for knowing that he was drinking
: . usually he doesnt come home but passes out on someones couch and urinates himself
he's had so many brushes with death while drinking it's amazing he is alive, he passes out everywhere, threatens to kill himself, starts fights..... dont mind me im still angry about last nite, even tho i forgave him again, he is a good dad and husband when he isn't drinking, but he is a total nut when he is... everyone is getting so tired of this, cuz everyone gets involved and searches for him beczuse we all know what happens to him when he is drunk... and i think i could use some support also, and am not one for going to a meeting in person.. sorry i dont have much advice being in the same boat and all
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Yeah that is a good thread, but I know I am not going to leave. Got no money, no skills, no place to go. So I want a thread for us to lean on each other shoulders, not be told how we need to leave and the impact it is having on ourselves and our children. We know these things. That's what makes it soooooooo hard. Especially at this age when the kids don't really know what is going on and will be angry and sad if we take them away from them. They only know good daddy.

Sweetpea- People like us get advice from everywhere, so it's ok that we don't have any to give to each other here. This is for support. This is for rants and feelings and a place where we understand how his disease eats a family alive. You don't have to appologize for it, or say I know it's a disease, because we all do. But it is a disease that victimizes the loved ones every bit as much if not more than the alcholic. They have the choice to seek help, they have the choice to go to AA, avoid situations, take active steps in lessening the chance of relapse. We have to sit by and wonder if tonight is going to be the night he goes too far. If tonight will be the night he gets tanked, kills a family, and we lose all we have worked for over it. It's hard, it's like living your life with no security.
 

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Quote:
This is for rants and feelings and a place where we understand how his disease eats a family alive.
count me in!!!
I sometimes almost wish DH drank everyday-then I'd know what to expect not to count on him for anything-but he's a binge drinker- sometimes for days- and the unpredictableness of it happening fills my heart with anxiety...and just when I think I can trust him and rely on him my world gets pulled out from under me...
 

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my dh is an addict and an alcoholic but thank god he's been sober for 4 years, have you all tried to get your SO to go to meetings?

I know you dont want to be told that you should leave, and I do believe that alcoholism can be helped, it takes a lot of work but AA can work wonders! Every alcoholic needs to hit a personal bottom in order to realize where they are in life. MAybe telling your Dh what you want (as far as gettig clean) and then taking the kids for a long weekend with a friend or something will get his attention.

Try going to an aa meeting with you dh? sometimes it just takes the courage to go to a meeting and KEEP GOING. Like the old AA slogan Keep Coming Back.

It suprises me that there is no Alanon Maybe yuo could start one?
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Dh has gone to AA, the problem is he always quits going because he thinks he is better and doesn't fit in there. Apparantly the other guys are all in their fifties and they actually did send him home with pamplets on teen alcoholism his first meeting. It basically just embarassed him. Now doing the AA thing is just part of his cycle.
 

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do you mind me asking what area you are in?
it seems like he needs to find someone who is willing to actually work with him through aa, by dh got sober at 21 (addiction runs in the family and his little sister got sober at 16, both parents are in aa and his brother NEEDS to be in it to) Does he think that he has a problem? or does he just go to make you feel better? Its hard when everyone is so much older. and some members of aa can definitly have an "i'm better because I have more sobriety" attitude, but not all. Maybe try suggesting he try a new group?

Its really hard to have a partner in active use, but it can get better, a lot of people who have no experiece with alcohlics will say that its a lost cause
but with support (for him AND YOU) it can get easier.
 

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i'm having a bad day today, i keep thinking that my hubby is trying to sneak alcohol, and i keep smelling his breath, and he keeps getting mad at me and calling me paranoid... how can i not be?? why doesnt he understand that it isn't the easiest thing in the world to trust him??
 

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Not a good day.
My dh told me point blank that he doesnt believe his drinking causes any problems in our marriage or family.
Tries to deflect everything I say off of himself. Wants to play the blame game. Can't deal with emotions or feelings or me saying anything might be just a little bit his fault. Walks out. Last week said maybe he should just go shoot himself. Can't talk out any of our problems without yelling, slamming doors and leaving. Treatens to pack up and leave - which at this point if I could survive financially, I would help him pack.
My kids are all screwed up, probably already codependents. My youngest, 9yo dd, has anxiety problems and is very in tune with our emotions & what goes on.
I'm tired of fighting. At the same time I tell myself that things aren't that bad.
: And alot of times they are so great.

I wish I could ignore his drinking and just find a way to live with it.

At the same time I do love him desperately and I know he loves me desperately too.
I can't really make any moves until I get a joob as a nurse when I'm done with school in 9 months.....

I hate this damn disease and addiction stuff.
:
Sorry for being so jumbled and disjointed, just having lots of thoughts, we aren't talking tonight and I'm tired of that too.....
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
that's alright kentucky everything seemed coherent to me. i think that just being able to know you can leave will help. just nine more months. i wish i could ignore it to. they just make it so dang obvious.

sweetpea i doubt you are being paranoid, everytime i think my dh is drinking he is. have you found out his favorite hiding places yet? you can always check them.

luna- i live in rural north mississippi. he has gone to 3 groups within 60 miles. i don't know if he wants to do it or not. he says he does but i trust anything he says anymore. either way i can't make him.

sorry i am naking
 

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As long as it's not a "closed" AA meeting, you are more than welcome to attend!

I would highly recommend it. You might be amazed at the insight and support you receive.

And those 50 yr. old guys probably have wives they could put you in touch with!

Hang in there!!
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by rozzie'sma
that's alright kentucky everything seemed coherent to me. i think that just being able to know you can leave will help. just nine more months. i wish i could ignore it to. they just make it so dang obvious.

sweetpea i doubt you are being paranoid, everytime i think my dh is drinking he is. have you found out his favorite hiding places yet? you can always check them.

luna- i live in rural north mississippi. he has gone to 3 groups within 60 miles. i don't know if he wants to do it or not. he says he does but i trust anything he says anymore. either way i can't make him.

sorry i am naking
i live in a huge house with alot of nooks and crannies it would take me hours and hours, i did get a chance to smell his breath and it and i didnt smell any trace of alcohol.. my hubbies breathe and body reek of alcohol even if he as just one drink (which im glad for)
 

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my mil and fil took their car away from us that they pretty much gave to us, because they found out that my hubby was drinking and driving, (i dont blame them for it), they said they would give it back if dd went to counselling, which there is a 5 month waiting list, and he wont go to aa because he has social anxiety disorder, if he goes to the hospital they will only offer to put him in the community mental hospital and the other option is goin away to a facility which is another long waiting list.
my husband works in the bush as a self contractor, now he has no way to get to work
and we are soooo broke right now
he usually takes a friend along but his friend doesnt drive or own a car
i dont think things could get any worse right now!
 

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I have been there too. My DH has been sober for 2 years and before that it was a long difficult struggle. I was so sick of all the people telling me to leave him. I did not want to and I knew the man I fell in love with was burried in there somewhere. Now that he is sobor we are even more in love than we have ever been. We have learned our boundaries and we support each other in many ways. I have to agree with Lunasmommy about going to open AA meetings (with or without DH). They can be eye opening and you may find support were you least expect it. She is also right about the 50 year men pointing you in the direction of there wives. My best support was the 50, 60 and yes even some 70 year old women who had been thru a lot and gave me hope. Here is
for all of you having a bad day. I hope it gets better for you.
 
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