Mothering Forum banner

1 - 4 of 4 Posts

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
768 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
<p> Does your DH eat live and breathe lesson plans and grading?  How do you deal?  Our house is a wreck and I have no idea when I will be able to get our Christmas tree up!!  DH has started a chore log b/c I told him he doesn't actually participate as much as he thinks ( he is also unmedicated adult ADHD) and he realized I was right <span><img alt="nut.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/nut.gif"></span></p>
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
6,397 Posts
<p>Your post caught my attention- My dh is an umedicated adult ADD who is going to school full time for his masters.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Things that have helped him:</p>
<p>Writing everything, I mean everything down</p>
<p>Repeating what I asked him to do</p>
<p>Putting things in order, step by step of what needs to get done</p>
<p>Repetition of new chore until it was a pattern- like dishes in dishwasher, hand washed dishes, then wiping counters and sweeping- he had to do the last two items on a nightly basis until he remembered they needed to get done. Now, he wipes the counters daily, but knows to sweep as needed</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hubby was on meds, but they were bad for his blood pressure so he stopped- it has been ok thus far. It is hard cause he functions really well at work, but at home he often overlooks things. We divided our work areas into zones- his is the kitchen.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tasks are generally "taught" which feels odd and uncomfortable to me, but if I don't show him what and how to do it, he won't do it. I had to be pretty detailed and not generalize things.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Would any of this help your dh?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>i know your fustration.</p>
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
768 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
<p>thanks for the reply!  I have made him very small lists of things that needed to be done before, like when DD was a newborn I put things on a 3x5 card and put it on our cork board which never even got looked at, maybe because the board is just a busy catch-all type place.  He got a palm pilot for his bday in september and did well for about two weeks taking it everyday and writing staff meeting at parent conferences.  I'm not sure if it is related, but I put in a reminder to buy salt for our water softener which annoyed him and right around then is when it never got recharged and has sat on his nightstand since ... Giving him an area that would be his sole responsibility would be AWESOME, but right now I can't figure out how to enforce it, since he is ok with things getting disgusting and doing nothing about it.  I would love for him to clean out his shaving sink at least once every two weeks because the kids and I don't even use it now it's so gross.  I have refused to touch garbage or recyclables which annoys him that I can't step out the door and do it when I see it's overflowing, but really if he had taken it out two days before hand when it was full, then it wouldn't be a problem!</p>
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
6,397 Posts
<p>I see, not an ADD problem but a getting off his bum problem. It sounds like he just needs a good ol kick in the pants to get him going. Has he always avoided/ignored work?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I imagine you have had the talks about what needs to be done in the house and how being part of the family means helping with the house.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>With 2 kids and another on the way, he needs to step up and help out- while ADHD may make it so he isn't as good as keeping focused on what needs to be done, it doesn't give him a pass on doing it. I know you said he was unmedicated, but meds may be in order to help him stay focused. Honestly my hubby was much more focued on finishing tasks and being organized when he was medicated. Would he consider trying meds? Meds don't have to be a forever thing, but it might help while he gets in bum in gear.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hubby also did some get some therapy and his therapist helped him brainstorm ways to stay on task, create and complete goals and how to handle stress. Might be worth mentioning to your hubby.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Not sure if any of this is helpful. My Dh is good about being helpful, just not so good at being helpful on his own, he needs lists and notes etc</p>
 
1 - 4 of 4 Posts
Top