[sheilajolene]

I get this ALL THE TIME. What is wrong with people? People are always asking if ds looks like my husband, or if my husband helps put ds to sleep. It's like people forget we can procreate without being married. I've never been married, and I'm really irritated that I always have to tell people that I'm single. I wish more people would say "ds' father" instead of "your husband."

 

[Spring Sun]

Wow, I never get that. But I live in liberal-land-boulder.

 

[EmmetnLindley]

I get it all the time too. They just assume... umm, never make assumptions! My son looks almost identical to me except for his hair colour. He is blonde and I have dark brown hair so I get so many comments like... "Your husband must have the blonde hair." I don't have a husband!

 

[windorabug]

I get it all the time - my dd has red hair & I have black hair. It drives me batty but depending on my mood <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="innocent"> or the person saying it I either say "yes her dad has red hair" or "it runs in the family" A couple of times I was feeling bitchy & said she got her hair from the mailman. And we also live in a pretty liberal area - what gives?

 

[whateverdidiwants]

Those are the same people that assume that my dd must be adopted because I'm white and she's not, because, you know white women can't possibly have sex with non-white men. (never mind that her facial expressions, mannerism, and hair are all exactly like mine)

 

[lld]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>whateverdidiwants</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10307627"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Those are the same people that assume that my dd must be adopted because I'm white and she's not, because, you know white women can't possibly have sex with non-white men. (never mind that her facial expressions, mannerism, and hair are all exactly like mine)</div>
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Yep...my son's mixed and not only do I get questions about my husband I also get asked a lot about where I adopted the child from! My stock response to direct questions about my son's ethnicity or my 'husbands' role in parenting is something like this: "Actually his father is from Africa. We were married but he left me when I was 3 months pregnant to move back to Africa. He has never seen his baby." People are so taken aback that they don't know what to say ~ I don't like making people feel uncomfortable, but I feel that a direct question deserves a direct response ~ especially from a stranger or acquaintance. They usually don't ask me too many questions after that <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"><br><br>
I actually prefer the direct ones to comments like: What interesting skin he has!

 

[sheilajolene]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>lld</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10315580"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Yep...my son's mixed and not only do I get questions about my husband I also get asked a lot about where I adopted the child from! My stock response to direct questions about my son's ethnicity or my 'husbands' role in parenting is something like this: "Actually his father is from Africa. We were married but he left me when I was 3 months pregnant to move back to Africa. He has never seen his baby." People are so taken aback that they don't know what to say ~ I don't like making people feel uncomfortable, but I feel that a direct question deserves a direct response ~ especially from a stranger or acquaintance. They usually don't ask me too many questions after that <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"><br><br>
I actually prefer the direct ones to comments like: What interesting skin he has!</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> I love your approach. When I was a week (yeah, I didn't get to rest much) post-partum, I was at the grocery store and I got a comment about how itty bitty ds was and how my husband should be shopping while ds and I snuggle in bed. I know she meant well, but I snapped. I broke down crying (all hormonal) and said that ds' father was too busy with his new life and his girlfriend to help me with shopping. Then I went on and on about how obviously if I had a husband I wouldn't be hemorrhaging in a grocery store with my one-week old. Man, I was a mess that day! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="innocent">