[scottishmommy]

A few months ago I wrote a thread about my pregnant SIL who was doing hypo babies and insisted that everyone change their birth nomenclature. We weren't allowed to say "labor" or "contractions" etc. No one was allowed to talk about anything negative. She and my brother were driving everyone nuts. They were the most uptight pregnant couple ever. Anyway they asked me to be their labor assistant and I was in the end. The birth went fabulously well. No drugs, no interventions, the hospital staff was really supportive and didn't use fetal monitoring or any of that stuff. The baby is now 6 months old. My SIL is still incredibly uptight, but whatever. So the other day I was out to dinner with them and I was talking about how wonderful my SIL did in labor, and how I want her to be my labor assistant. My brother says "oh no, because if your birth doesn't go well it might disturb my wife and she can't be exposed to negative births if we want to do hypo babies again". I almost fell of my chair. I was with them for her entire birth. I didn't sit down for hours because she needed pressure applied to her back during contractions. I didn't get any sleep that night because the baby was born at 4 in the morning. I also had to leave my own nursling with my dh all night. I was happy do to all those things , it was so amazing to be there, but still it seems a little ungrateful to not return the favor because (God forbid) something goes wrong during my next birth it might disturb my sister in law's precious psyche. I guess I'll just send them a text message a few days after the baby's born. LOL

 

[stormborn]

<p>Whoa. What a piece of work you have there.<span><img alt="huh.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/huh.gif" style="width:15px;height:15px;"></span></p>

 

[faithsstuff]

<p>that must have felt like a slap in the face.  At least you got to take part in a great experiance.  Too bad she'll miss your great experiance.  Her loss.</p>

 

[EdnaMarie]

<p>LOL!  I think your response is probably best.  That's really incredibly self-centered of her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I understand doing hypno-babies--a lot of women on MDC use it and apparently they, too, insist that people use positive birth language or they just avoid them.  However, if you consider how often a person gets horror stories shoved down her throat, I can kind of understand that.  It's not my style, but I can understand it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I can NOT understand not returning the favor.  I mean seriously.  You shared one of the most important moments (if not THE most important moment) of her life!  She's had a baby naturally, she knows she can do it, woman up, lady.</p>

 

[broodymama]

<p>Whoah!  Yeah, maybe a nice neutral non-psyche-damaging text after your babe is born.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I've used Hypnobabies 4 times now and never given a flip about what language people use about birth.  I had contractions.  My uterus contracted to help birth my babies, muscles contract, it's what they do.  I had a labor and contractions during my Hypnobabies births and somehow managed to make it through.  Sorry your SIL needs to permanently live in her "bubble of peace"!</p>

 

[JudiAU]

<p>Hypnobabies doesn't require you to be a jerk. =)</p>

 

[Niamh]

<p>I don't understand why she can't just change the words in her own mind. For example, I'm not Christian, but when people say they'll pray for me I don't say "No thank you. That's pointless." or "How offensive! Please say "I'm thinking of you" instead." I simply say thank you, smile, and rephrase it in my head - they're sending me positive energy, thinking of me, and I appreciate that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As a hypnobirthing mama, I did the same thing for my first hypno birth with the word 'contractions' and 'surges'. On my second birth, I used both words interchangeably because, as a previous poster mentioned, thinking of the contractions as muscle contractions doing their birthing work really helped in the hardest and longest ones.</p>

 

[Arduinna]

<p>I'm kind of surprised you were part of her birth at all since she was driving you nuts with her birth plans.</p>

 

[scottishmommy]

<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Arduinna</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1279541/people-can-be-so-ridiculous#post_16047672"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p><br>
I'm kind of surprised you were part of her birth at all since she was driving you nuts with her birth plans.</p>
<br></div>
</div>
<br><br><br>
Well I managed to get over myself. I mean she was annoying, but I can get over annoying to help a laboring woman yk? Honestly I do feel bad for her sometimes. I think she's very sensitive and that my brother is just trying to protect her (and himself). But still, I wish that the rest of us didn't have to bend over backwards to accommodate her sensitivities.

 

[sapphire_chan]

<p>Seeing as how there's a dozen other things your SIL could do to reciprocate, I'd be soooooo tempted to send her a horrifying birth story and then at the end go, "just kidding, actually the birth was beautiful and perfect, so sorry you couldn't bring yourself to help me as I helped you."</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I mean, it's one thing to want to reciprocate in another way, but to do nothing in return for hours of work??</p>

 

[Dandelionkid]

<p>Well it's about her not you. Now you know that you probably wouldn't want her there anyway </p>

 

[AllyRae]

<p>Wow, that's kind of a slap in the face.   I'm so sorry. </p>

 

[A_Random_Phrase]

<p>I agree with pp. If she's so uptight, you wouldn't really want her there, would you? Your vibes helped her but hers may very well be disruptive to you.</p>

 

[MusicianDad]

<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>A_Random_Phrase</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1279541/people-can-be-so-ridiculous#post_16048054"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>I agree with pp. If she's so uptight, you wouldn't really want her there, would you? Your vibes helped her but hers may very well be disruptive to you.</p>
</div>
</div>
<br><br><p>Especially if she refuses to use the words "labour" and "contractions". Can someone maybe explain to me how these are negative words in relation to babies being born anyway? Maybe because I'm a man, but I don't get bad vibes from either of those (more of a "humans are so neat" vibe).</p>

 

[greenluv]

<p>That seems incredibly ungrateful.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Do they drive a "swagger wagon"? They remind me of those people in the mini van commercials.   <span><img alt="shake.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/shake.gif"></span></p>

 

[accountclosed3]

<p>that is really funny. i've never met another hypnobabies person who says that they can't even be at another birth just in case it is difficult or whatever. that's just plain weird.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>so, yeah, i guess you should just text them when the baby is born.</p>

 

[Italiamom]

<p>Your SIL does sound uptight.  So please don't take this as me not agreeing with on a certain level, BUT...</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Everyone wants their pregnancy and parenting choices respected.  You mentioned that your SIL went from being an uptight pregnant lady, to an uptight parent...  Maybe she can sense that you don't respect her.  I would agree with you that her behavior sounds completely ridiculous (really, the wording thing is just plain strange), but try to see things from her shoes too...  I get told all the time that I'm endangering my child for doing x,y, or z, or that I'm uptight because I won't let DS eat this, or play with that.  If my SIL (who's eye rolls and smirks during my pregnancy and parenting journey I have most certainly noticed) were to ask me to attend her birth, I would probably decline.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Your situation is very different, of course, but people are more perceptive about feelings than we sometimes give them credit for, and it sounds like your SIL is VERY sensitive...  Mmaybe you should try to clarify with your SIL to make sure that things are okay.  And if that's really her actual reason, then her feelings are CRAZY, but still valid, and you are indeed probably better off without her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Not to hurt your feelings either with my suggestions.  And I can understand your hurt, too, that the attendance wouldn't be reciprocated.  That's gotta burn </p>
<p> </p>

 

[limabean]

<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Italiamom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1279541/people-can-be-so-ridiculous#post_16048331"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>Your SIL does sound uptight.  So please don't take this as me not agreeing with on a certain level, BUT...</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Everyone wants their pregnancy and parenting choices respected.  You mentioned that your SIL went from being an uptight pregnant lady, to an uptight parent...  Maybe she can sense that you don't respect her.  I would agree with you that her behavior sounds completely ridiculous (really, the wording thing is just plain strange), but try to see things from her shoes too...  I get told all the time that I'm endangering my child for doing x,y, or z, or that I'm uptight because I won't let DS eat this, or play with that.  If my SIL (who's eye rolls and smirks during my pregnancy and parenting journey I have most certainly noticed) were to ask me to attend her birth, I would probably decline.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Your situation is very different, of course, but people are more perceptive about feelings than we sometimes give them credit for, and it sounds like your SIL is VERY sensitive...  Mmaybe you should try to clarify with your SIL to make sure that things are okay.  And if that's really her actual reason, then her feelings are CRAZY, but still valid, and you are indeed probably better off without her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Not to hurt your feelings either with my suggestions.  And I can understand your hurt, too, that the attendance wouldn't be reciprocated.  That's gotta burn </p>
<p> </p>
</div>
</div>
<br><br><p>That totally makes sense and I agree, but in the above scenario, you probably wouldn't ask your SIL to be <em>your</em> birthing coach in the first place, right? That's the part that's weird about all this -- if the SIL has a problem with the OP or feels disrespected, why on earth would she choose her of all people to be present during such an intimate, vulnerable time? </p>

 

[Kidzaplenty]

<p>Interesting.  I never thought that if you asked someone to attend your birth you would then be obligated to to attend theirs.  I have honestly never heard that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Anyways, I can't say if the OP and her SIL are right or wrong, I just thought I would mention my thoughts.</p>

 

[Aeress]

<p>What if she doesn't have the perfect hypnobaby birth, then what will she do? All 3 of my births were different based on the child who was being born- I really felt like my child was dictating their birth. I think you can plan for the best possible birth that you would like but sometimes the baby has other ideas.</p>