Mothering Forum banner

1 - 16 of 16 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,962 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I slipped up and said something about wanting to go see The Lion King (Broadway) since it is in town around my dad. He said I should go and I said I couldn't take James and couldn't leave him with anyone at home (1.5 hour drive to the civic center, ~2 hour show, 1.5 hour drive home...too long to leave my bf'ed 13 month old) so he says "Leave him with me." that would mean 30 minute drive to the civic center, ~2 hour show, 30 minute drive back to my dads...totally doable really...EXCEPT my dad is divorced (2nd wife) and only has one hand. He has a prostetic arm for his right hand and is missing his middle finger and part of his index finger on his left. I worry that he wouldn't be able to care for DS properly. Diaper changes would be out, he has a hard time picking DS up sometimes.<br><br>
I kind of hedged...said something about it being too late to get good seats, the good seats are expensive, we could only afford the nosebleeds...blah blah blah but he says "You need to get out more (totally true). Let me know if Josh can go and I'll get you the tickets for your birthday." CRAP! I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I don't know what to say. My dad is great with DS, he's a wonderful grandpa but physically he's limited in what he can do. And thats frustrating for him I'm sure, I can't even imagine.<br><br>
Any advice what I can do before my dad goes and buys the tickets? How do I tell him not to buy them? How do I tell him he can't babysit? HELP!!!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
11,714 Posts
I would hire a helper to come in and be with him, it's great that he wants to help out and spend time with the grandkids though.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,139 Posts
I don't think he would have offered if he didn't think he was capable. I think you should tell him your concerns, and see if he thinks he would be able to change diapers, etc. People with prostetics can do way more than some think they can. I know a woman with no arms who raised 4 children just fine.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,596 Posts
I'd have been totally direct, and asked point blank, <i>"Do you think you can manage the baby alright with your disability?"</i> If he has a reasonable plan, then I'd go for it. I mean goodness, its not as if he doesn't *realize* he is disabled.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,088 Posts
I think it is great that not only will he babysit, but sees that mommy's need time out and will get you the tickets too. I would tell him that you think he would do a great job, except for x,y,z. And could you just take a practice run while your there to make sure HE is ok with it.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
3,205 Posts
Personally, I'd go for it. Definitely tell your dad about your worries, but it sounds like he will be pretty vigilant about looking after your ds's needs.... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"><br><br>
Have a good time!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
12,040 Posts
I agree with the others, be honest with him. Bring your son over to spend some time with him while you read a book or do something alone in another room. See if he can handle your son ok and change diapers. People with disabilities such as lost limbs usually find ways to make up for their missing limbs, I'm sure he has to do other things that require fingers, like opening food packages, opening doors, getting dressed, etc. Give him a chance to show you if he can do it, if he has trouble he can always ask you for help because you'll be in the next room. If it works out you can go to the show and have a great time. Supply him with an "in case of emergency contact..." phone number of someone nearby that can help him if he needs it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,962 Posts
Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Thanks mama's! I guess we'll give it a go. I'll pack disposables instead of Fuzzi Bunz to make it a bit easier on him.<br><br>
Dad usually does stuff with his hook (he doesn't have a hand prostetic, it's a pincher hook) so I don't know how well that would work out with holding James down. I might see if he can ask my ex-step mom (they get along really well) to come over and help out a bit with diaper changes and stuff like that. James is in the phase where he fights diaper changes pretty hard and it takes more than 2 hands to change him anyway. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
He got hurt when my brother and I were older so it hasn't ever been an issue, I don't think he ever babysat for my cousins.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
363 Posts
mama, i'd take him up on it. they will be fine together. my BIL has a disability and really can't use one arm very much but he was able to hold nad pick up and care for my ds when he was a big (but needy) 18months.<br>
i second the pp who said he wouldn't have offered if he didn't hink he could do it. and what a great dad!!!!!<br><br>
go ahead and let yourself be supported!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,116 Posts
I agree with those who said to see if he can actually handle it. An opportunity to see The Lion King (which I saw on Broadway and can only be described as HOLY COW AMAZING) is certainly not worth giving up over a dirty diaper.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
843 Posts
I think you should leave your son with him. I am sure that he will manage just fine. Bring him over a lot so he can get more practice picking your son up and bring a mat so he can change him on the floor and not have to worry about him falling off of a mat. He would not have offered if he was not capable of doing it. People with disabilities raise their own children and have for years now, my mother is blind and raised me and my brother on her own for the most part and she does a great job babysitting my dd and has since she was very little. You should try very hard not to teach your son prejudice against his grandfather, his grandfather no doubt gets plenty of it when he leaves his home and he doesn't need you to add to it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,732 Posts
Hey, doesn't everybody air out their baby from time to time? Up the fiber and get him regular in the morning, so Grandpa doesn't have to deal with poop. After the first diaper comes off, he can have naked time. He'll love it. Baby pee is easy to clean up with one hand. Problem solved.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
13,099 Posts
I do it <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"><br><br>
Very sweet and thoughtful of your Dad <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"><br><br>
I remember being a young child and being read of a court case where a mother was trying to be proven unfit to care for her child as she had no arms. She proved in court she could care for her baby by using her feet and teeth for diaper changes. This was back in the days of diaper pins.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
17,022 Posts
I say go for it!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,959 Posts
My uncle is a quadraplegic with partial use of one hand and very slight use of the other and babysits his nephew. Raised two kids as well, although they were beyodn the toddler stage when his accident happened. I agree with pp's--he can manage fine, and going diaperless just in case he can't manage putting a new one on wouldn't be the worst thing ever.
 
1 - 16 of 16 Posts
Top