[mum2be]

Okay, I know we had a topic on this a while back and there are debates about whether or not this really works, etc.

Well, at my last appt. the midwife had to check my cervix because I was having sharp pains. She mentioned that my perineum is extremely tight, so dh and I should start doing the massages to help learn how to relax it.

Well, we're been doing the massages for about 4 days now and I HATE IT! It hurts and is uncomfortable. Dh says it feels like his finger is in a vice, so I know I'm not learning how to relax...

A little embarrassing note about me

...I've always had trouble with sex. It's painful and I actually had to have a hymenectomy in order to have sex in the first place. So I have this notion that I'm not normal "down there."

I'm really, really worried that all of this will prevent me from having the birth I've been imagining.

Perineal massage is not supposed to hurt, is it?

 

[maciascl]

We only did this a few times before DS showed up, but I do remember it being uncomfortable. I also have to REALLY concentrate on relaxing or sex can be quite painful for me at first too. Have you done kegal exercizes? If so after you tighten the muscle, really focus on relaxing & bulgeing that muscle. That might help you focus on relaxing it for perinum stretches as well.

 

[Guest*]

Yes, perineal massage is supposed to hurt a little bit. It should be uncomfortable. You're supposed to stretch until it's just uncomfortable and hold it. It's definitely not a fun thing to do.

I HATE perineal massage too. I tore even though I was pretty diligent about it, so I'm not even bothering with it this time. If I tear, I tear, I guess. Part of the reason I tore was that my midwife didn't make it so I didn't have any perineal support. This time, my midwife gave my DH a big lesson on support and how to catch a baby, so if she isn't doing the catching, he should be able to prevent or at least minimize damage.

Okay, rambling....sorry.

Sorry, I know that probably doesn't make you feel any better.

 

[mum2be]

Oooo...good idea about the relaxing part of kegels. I was afraid to do them because I am already so "strong" down there, I didn't want to make it any stronger!!

It's nice to know I'm not the only one who finds in uncomfortable.

Would you mind telling how things went with your first birth? Did you tear?

Thanks

 

[mosesface]

i was actually just reading about perineal massage last night! from what i understand it actually is supposed to "sting", that's how you know you're stretching. doesn't sound like much fun, but i suppose it's better than the (potential) alternative.

 

[maciascl]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mum2be Would you mind telling how things went with your first birth? Did you tear? Thanks

Actually I did tear, but I think that is because I ended up delivering on my back more than anything. She said it wasn't bad & pretty straight, but could never tell me what exactly that ment. Good luck. I hope the kegel thing helps

 

[TurboClaudia]

we didn't do any "official" perineal massage before the birth of our first baby, but during the last month or so of intimacy, "stretching" was quite enjoyable and very ummm... lubricating...

: also, the stretching of the vagina during birth and during intimacy is also a big endorphin releaser, so maybe you can focus on looking at it in that way instead.

on a side note, i found pushing much, much harder than i had anticipated, and it took a long time for our son to be born (close to 4 hours). however, the benefit of that was there was a lot of up and down motion of his head to stretch my vagina and perineum and i did not tear at all.

~claudia

 

[qjraven8]

i asked my mw what she thought about perineal massage, cuz i didnt even know of such a thing with my last preg, i only knew that it was good to still have sex as it kept everything more stretchy! and had also read that if you're doing the perineal stretching correctly, its not comfortable. she said there's really mixed opinions on the subject but that in her experience, it didnt really make much of a difference. she thought that the amount of tearing really depends more on your skin's normal elasticity and also stated she noticed more of a difference at the time of birth if the mama kept everything wet - as in sitting in water or poss warm compresses - during labor than with the women that spent a lot of energy trying to prepare with the stretching beforehand.
she also asked if i had any tearing with raven's birth and i said no (thank the universe!

) and she said it may be less likely this time too ... although i told her he was only 5lbs 5oz at birth and i attributed it some to how small, she said that was still an indicator

so here's to hoping !!!!

 

[Caroline]

PM is very uncomfortable and I am one of those that didn't have much success with it. I tore very badly with my first home-birth (major lateral tears), and did the PM religiously before his birth. I pushed for almost 3 hours with him and was also diligent about the Kegels beforehand, so who knows...

I didn't tear with my second birth, a home-water birth, and believe that this helped the tissues stretch well (scar tissue is even harder to stretch).

Then suprise, I tore again with my THIRD birth . I have been doing Kegels again but am passing on the PM for the fourth. Water birth isn't an option this time, but IMO that's probably the best way to avoid tearing.

 

[Piper's mama]

We did pm with our first as well, and it was totally uncomfortable... and to be honest we only did it for a week

. I pushed for 45 minutes and did have a tear-not large enough for stitches though.

 

[art4heart]

"Perineal massage is not supposed to hurt, is it?"

Before my midwife showed my husband and me how to do them, she had us put our fingers at the corners of our mouths and pull out, like we were making funny smiley faces. She said the pulling/stretching feeling in our lips is what the pm should feel like. Sure 'nough - that's exactly what pm's feel like to me. When my husband asked how hard he should pull/stretch, she said just to watch my face. When my eyes get BIG he knows he's got a good stretch! Yes, it's uncomfortable, but it helps me to learn how to relax through that kind of discomfort. Even if I do tear, I feel learning this kind of relaxation will help in labor.

 

[gwinith]

"Part of the reason I tore was that my midwife didn't make it so I didn't have any perineal support. This time, my midwife gave my DH a big lesson on support and how to catch a baby, so if she isn't doing the catching, he should be able to prevent or at least minimize damage."

i wonder if you are talking about gently "holding" the baby and letting his head gradually slide out so he doesn't come out so quickly? i've read something about his and am very interested in knowing about the technique.

can you elaborate on this?