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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So, following my horrible circ/hospital experience, I ended up speaking with, then writing a letter to the Nurse Manager of the birthing center and cc'ing my OB, the ped who did the procedure, and the President/CEO of the hospital. I named names but kept things to the facts.<br><br>
One of the nurses pushed me to circ, citing her experience with elderly, demented uncirc'ed men while "gross" penile infections from when she worked in a nursing home as a reason to proceed. I thought this was a terrible thing to say to the mother of a newborn boy - was I supposed to conclude that his un'circed penis was vile and unclean? Or was I supposed to assume he'd be demented and living in a nursing home someday and not receiving proper care and hygeine. Either way, she's a beyotch for even using it as an argument to pursuade me.<br><br><br>
SO, fast-forward to tonight - she CALLS ME AT HOME to "apologize" for sharing this story with me, then proceeds to try to tell me why circumcision is the right choice. STFU, you evil woman! Here is the e-mail I sent back to the nurse manager, who e-mailed me a few days ago to let me know she "got my letter." The names have been changed to protect the guilty.<br><br><br>
Hi RN Manager,<br><br>
Thank you for getting back to me (and for your nice letter in the mail) - I hope at least there is some dialogue about some of the processes in a typical OB stay.<br><br>
I also wanted to let you know that RN called me tonight at home to apologize for relaying her story about the elderly men in the nursing home and encouraging me to agree to circumcision. She mentioned that she has been sharing this story for thirty years and that it is based on her experience with one patient.<br><br>
I clarified with her the difference between an undecided parent and a parent who wasn't sure what to do. I am a parent who knew the pro's and con's of circumcision, but did not feel strongly either way about proceeding (and proceeding means there's no changing one's mind in the future -what's done is done). I was not needing or asking for advice on what the "right" decision was - just time to think things over once my son was born and in front of me and "real," if you will, without any pressure.<br><br>
Even tonight, RN persisted in attempting to persuade me on the issue. It was so baffling. She offered the "herd mentality" argument (that nearly all of the parents of boys she encountered circumcised their sons), the "convenience" argument (that it's easier to care for a circumcised penis), the "locker room" argument (that I wouldn't want my son to look different from the other boys in the locker room), the "pain with delay" argument (it would be worse to circumcise an older child), etc.!<br><br>
When we talked about the sucrose issue, she launched into her speech about how "studies have shown that...." (same argument given to me by another RN) - this from the woman who teaches your breastfeeding classes. Hopefully she is aware of the studies that demonstrate how sugar water interferes with a woman's efforts to establish breastfeeding. I was informed of the studies on sucrose at the time of the consent, and I still made the informed decision to refuse it .<br><br>
I think (or at least hope) her heart was in the right place in calling me tonight, but to offer debate about the merits of circumcision just stirs up my sadness and anger about what happened. I made my disappointments about my experience known to the people who are in positions of leadership for the hospital's Birthing Center. Why must I justify my feelings about my experiences with RN? I understand perhaps that she is regretful about my reaction to her comments, that she may be embarrassed or simply unaware of the effect of her comments, or even that she feels she needs to defend herself. I am seeing, however, the single-mindedness of a person and professional who has formed her opinion (and case for persuading her patients to that opinion) thirty years ago and has not chosen to explore this issue since. I am sure RN is not alone in this.<br><br>
Why is there a need to try to convince me that circumcision is the "right" decision - especially after I have had such a bad experience related to circumcising my son. It is an optional procedure, and after my experience at hospital, something I regret doing and would never in 10,000 lifetimes do again. Why did anyone care in the first place if I was going to leave my son uncircumcised? How does it affect them? How is it any of their business?<br><br>
I am making peace with my decision and our experience in my own way - by speaking with you, by writing my letter, and hoping that this becomes less automatic of a process for your staff and more care and respect is given to parents whose views may not fit the status quo. I very much appreciate that you have been working with staff to resolve the problems I brought to your attention. I leave it in your capable hands, and I will move on with enjoying and raising my beautiful son. There is no need for RN or any of the other nurses or techs to contact me.<br><br>
Let me know if I can be of any further information.<br><br>
Regards,<br><br><br>
I just need to vent. This really upset me tonight. I had finally stopped crying about it all these past few days. Now, I've taken several steps backwards. I seriously do not want to talk to any of those pro-circ trolls at that hospital ever again. Blah!
 

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Wow, mama. Just, wow. What an unbelievable story.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
I am so glad you are telling these people how this has angered and affected your son and you. It is high time they started talking about their policies.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> How horrible and unprofessional on her part. Sorry you have to deal with this.
 

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OMG... her calling you and trying to convince you that it was the "right thing to do" is abominable! I cannot believe the audacity... and her story was based on ONE man from THIRTY years ago??? WTF? As if there haven't been recent studies and circumcision is not the popular decision anymore in most areas... I'm so sorry that you had to deal with that again <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">:<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"> I really hope that your letter prevents this woman from telling her horror story to other new moms. Then some good would come of it at least...<br><br>
love and peace. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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She called you because sh*t rolls downhill, if ykwim, and once the CEO caught wind of it, I bet she was ordered to call you. (Patient approval scores have become a very big thing in recent years.)<br><br>
The point is, <i>that's</i> why she still <i>stupidly</i> argued with you, because she still believes she did nothing wrong. Send a copy of this letter to the CEO, too. I would also comment about how you don't feel the need to use any of this healthcare system's other services, and would not recommend this institution to anybody else. Explain that she has acted unprofessionally twice now and this needs to be addressed before she badgers further victims. (and use that word, too. Because it's true.)<br><br>
It really bothers me and makes me embarrassed for my profession when nurses do things like this. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hammer.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hammer"><br><br>
As a side note, and nowhere near this serious, I remember after giving birth asking the L&D nurse not to use a paci- I knew we were going to bf. She gave me some long story about how neither of her children used pacis but her son (of course) ended up sucking his thumb for <i>years.</i> (Oh, the horror!) I finally said, "Whatever, lady, just don't use a paci!"<br><br>
geez. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/duh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="duh">
 

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Yeah! I would continue to make a big stink! I would also consider filing a complaint with the Board of Nursing in Tennessee (against the nurse), and the Department of Health in Tennessee (for the hospital). This would defintely get their attention and then they will be FORCED to get their ch*t together.<br><br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">:
 

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Mama Meesh, I literally have goosebumps, and tears in my eyes, reading your letter. You are such a strong and courageous mama, and extremely articulate as well. I cannot tell you how impressed I am at how effectively you have channeled your anger and grief into action.<br><br>
I truly believe you will make a difference for baby boys born in this hospital.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bow.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bow"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bow.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bow"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bow.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bow">
 

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I would cc the CEO on that letter!<br><br>
I can't believe that RN!! She should have apologized and left it at that.
 

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About her story....<br>
I care for my husband's grandfather, an uncirced 93 year old man with severe multi-infarct demetia for 22 hours Sunday-Friday. I clean his ears, his toes, his nose, his butt and every other part of his body EXCEPT his penis. I remind him to wash his genitals and he takes care of it himself. When he can't remember the mechanics of putting on socks or brushing his teeth without very detailed instruction but how to keep his penis clean comes easily, I'd say that's good enough reason to say this lady has no idea what she is talking about. Or maybe we should start cutting off all the body parts that need to be cleaned??? He has not had any infection and I saw an excess of smegma once, after I returned from vacation for a week and the family members taking over didn't remind him to wash his penis.<br>
He has recounted the story many times of watching his own son be circumcised and told me just how much he regrets it. He says he will never forget how his baby screamed, which says a lot for someone who can't always remember who his wife is. Each time he tells me the story he cries. Yet his son still did this to my husband and his brother. I was happy to tell the man I care for that when his great-grandson is born in two months, he will NOT be circed.
 

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If she wanted for you to give her good points is for her to apologize and leave it at that!<br><br>
It's a shock that she totally ended up apologizing then trying to get you to 'agree with her still' sheesh!<br><br>
scary pro-circ ppl!<br><br>
What place are you from ?
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Quirky</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7286020"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Mama Meesh, I literally have goosebumps, and tears in my eyes, reading your letter. You are such a strong and courageous mama, and extremely articulate as well. I cannot tell you how impressed I am at how effectively you have channeled your anger and grief into action.<br><br>
I truly believe you will make a difference for baby boys born in this hospital.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bow.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bow"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bow.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bow"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bow.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bow"></div>
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This was what I was thinking. I'm sorry the RN upset you again, she was out of line on both accounts.
 

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I'm so sorry you're having to deal with that. What astounds me though is that she actually called you at home. How did she get your phone number? I'd be thinking of filing a complaint against her for going into your medical records to find your number to contact you outside of the hospital, kwim? So completely inappropriate!!
 

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Mama Meesh - I am so so sorry for your experience. I just want to cry for you & your son for what you have been put through.<br><br>
But I echo what Quirky has said - thank you so much for channeling your anger and sadness into productive action that will save so many baby boys (and their mothers/fathers) from what you experienced.<br><br>
Enjoy your son - he is lucky to have you as his mother!
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Just wanted to say thank you....<br><br>
for everyone's supportive comments. It really helps me to heal emotionally from this experience and motivates me to continue to make my voice heard in this.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/heartbeat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="heartbeat">
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Sharon, RN</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7285580"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Send a copy of this letter to the CEO, too. I would also comment about how you don't feel the need to use any of this healthcare system's other services, and would not recommend this institution to anybody else. Explain that she has acted unprofessionally twice now and this needs to be addressed before she badgers further victims. (and use that word, too. Because it's true.)</div>
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absolutely ditto this.<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">: mama, thank you for taking action
 

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How powerful, Hanno. Thank you for sharing. That he still gets tears thinking about it- sigh.<br><br>
(Meesh, Tennessee? Who, where?)
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> to you, Mama Meesh.<br><br>
I totally echo what the other posters have said -- you are a strong, courageous mama who will effectively make changes in this health care system. Stay strong, and know that we are all behind you 110%!<br><br>
That nurse... there are no words. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"> s to you and your little guy! I think what you are doing is AWESOME! You go girl....give 'em what for!<br><br>
Take care,<br>
Tara
 

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Great letter <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">.<br><br>
When you say that you've also written the CEO/President of the hospital, I assume that you mean the hospital administration? You might also cc the Chief Operating Officer as well if there is one, he or she has a lot to do with the day to day operation of the hospital.<br><br>
Check with the legal experts here (I forget their exact screen names- daveXX, perhaps someone else can hook you up) maybe the actions of this nurse could be considered solicitation for unnecessary surgery or coersion (or sumpin else more legalese-y <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"> ) and maybe that could be added to your coorespondance. Maybe she'd STFU with her new mamas if she thought she might get sued. And what is she doing calling you at home? Unprofessional. I'd also be surprised if the nurse manager thought that was kosher. I assume the nurse manager told her your concerns and that's what prompted the call? In fact, maybe your point in the initial letter wasn't heard by the nurse manager if this nurse felt comfortable calling you at home when you were so obviously unhappy with her care. I'm amazed you kept your cool. I imagine it took a lot so WTG for staying calm under great duress <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/clap.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="clap">.
 
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