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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
If you met with more than one, and more-or-less liked them all equally... how do you choose? I wish there was some kind of midwife-selector oracle I could consult.
 

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I would take into consideration things like:<br><br>
Who stood out the most.<br>
Distance, cost and other 'sensible' factors.<br>
Their approach towards birth and testing, prenatal care etc. would be m number one factor. Hands down.
 

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Which one did you feel the most at ease with? Birth is such a personal experience, I think it's SO important to 'click' with whoever attends.<br><br>
Good luck!
 

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If they had both met my basic criteria (philosophy, experiance, knowledge, price etc...)<br><br>
then I would pick one based on<br>
#1 - chemistry between me and her. 'Clicking' is really important for someone who's gonna help you in such a delicate and vulnerable life moment.<br><br>
#2 - distance and how booked she is for my birth month.
 

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I would pick the one who you think would be most helpful to you in a stressful situation. Personality trumps everything else IMO. I personally need someone who is going to stay quiet and calm no matter what and who is hands off, not someone loud, take-charge, or who is going to be trying to massage me all over. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> So try to imagine what would work best for you when you're feeling uncomfortable and need support.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
I know it sounds weird, but even though the ones I have met all have different temperaments, they all seem very similar in terms of how they practice - they all gave similar answers to my questions and "what-if" scenarios. Distance isn't a factor; some would come to me, another I would go to her office, but it is close enough that it would not be a bother. One seemed as if she might have more births going on than the others, but that is probably because she is kind of high-profile right now; still, all had "room" for me around my due date.<br><br>
As for chemistry and clicking, too bad I have multiple-personality disorder, <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> - one was all about the spiritual aspect of birth, which is very important to me; another appealed to my activist promoting-natural-birth-especially-VBAC sensibilities and another was into the mind-body connection, which is also important. I felt comfortable with all three, but in different ways, depending on which aspect we connected on as we talked. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: What does "clicking" feel like to you? I am such a reserved kind of person (some would say guarded) - I don't know that I would even recognize "clicking" if it happened.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>veganf</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9866758"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">... when you're feeling uncomfortable and need support.</div>
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The disadvantage of always being thought of as a "strong" person - the kind everyone turns to with their problems; the dependable one that the whole family always turns to - is that even when you really need support, you tend not to get it, so you don't even know what might be best when you need support, since you've never gotten any. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> I am going to try to give this some thought though.
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>veganf</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9866758"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I would pick the one who you think would be most helpful to you in a stressful situation. Personality trumps everything else IMO. I personally need someone who is going to stay quiet and calm no matter what and who is hands off, not someone loud, take-charge, or who is going to be trying to massage me all over. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> So try to imagine what would work best for you when you're feeling uncomfortable and need support.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">: My mw always stays calm, even if things are not going normally. That's a great quality because above all, you do NOT want to freak out the birthing mama! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
Maybe it would help for you to imagine your ideal birth and the role various people might play into that. Do you know any home birthers? You could ask them about their experiences with each midwife. I've attended several home births as a doula and some midwives are pretty hands on (which I would hate) and some are very laid back (like mine).
 

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Think about what you're like in labor (or if this is your first, what you're like when you're under a lot of stress), and who would mesh best with you and give you what you need in THAT situation. Do you get nervous? Overwhelmed? Start fighting everyone? Withdrawn?<br><br>
For example, when I'm under stress, I find most people's presence incredibly invasive. I just can't tune them out. So, a very hands-on comforting midwife, whom I might like during prenatals, would be *horrible* for me when I'm birthing. I need someone who can dial down her presence and manage to be in the room without having her energy spread out and take over the room.
 

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I would also add what they can do in emergency situations. Like some midwifes can do stiches or can do in IV if the woman losses too much fluid, ect. Not something you want to think about, but when the difference is getting to stay home vs. hospital transfer it's good to know.<br>
I want a midwife with all the good vibes plus the technical knowledge-just in case.
 
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