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I don't know when exactly we gave ds a pillow - but he's only 14 months old and has been using one for awhile - even in his crib (not that he sleeps there often, but anyway...). He too, wanted one and seemed to sleep much better (and longer) when he had one. In bed with us, he does the same thing your dd does. I asked the opinion of a co-worker whose opinion I trust and value and she said what I was basically thinking - as long the child is old enough/strong enough to lift his/her head out from under it if they need to, it should be ok. I also made sure that the one in ds's crib is wide (spans the width of his crib) and very flat - it eased my mind a bit.
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