[Yin Yang]

I was just wondering where would pinching your child for doing things you don't want him to do fit into?

: My friend has 22 months old and I noticed that if he does something bad they pinch him into his shoulder (well - almost neck)
Few days ago, he was REALLY annoying and bit his mother pretty bad and she pinched him pretty hard.

Isn't it the exact same thing as spanking your child? It's just more convenient for the parent because people don't see pinching you your child. I would not even noticed if I would not have known they do it this way.

What do you think about it?

 

[Cranberry]

I think that's abusive. The only thing the child learns from that is that it's OK to hurt others. That poor child.

 

[Piglet68]

IMO, using pain to manipulate a child's behaviour is rotten, no matter how that pain is inflicted.

I doubt you're going to get much debate on that here.

 

[Mylie]

I once knew a mom of 2 girls that used to pinch her girls skin directly below the chin almost to the throat and she would hang on to it while she reprimanded them when they didn't listen.It used to make me so angry and mad when she did this.I tried talking to her and she only got angry at me.We live 3 states away from each other now but i've never forgotten how she could do that to her little girls.Used to make me cry for them.She was otherwise very loving toward them but I found this barbaric and hurtful. : Love Mylie xx

 

[IdentityCrisisMama]

Pinching and hitting can both be forms of corporal punishment. I do not support CP.

 

[Yin Yang]

How can I talk to my friend without her getting mad at me? I hate situations like that....she is already sick of me talking to her constantly about natural childbirth, not letting CIO and stuff like that......
We only found each other recently and I don't wanna loos her as my friend. ( we are both from the same country).
I think her child feels insecure because I came into her life with my 10 months old and her son is extremely jelous of him. Anytime we are around her son behave really badly.

 

[gaffa]

I'm not surprised he's jealous. You are probably considerate, listen to your child, and give him lots of compassion. His mom pinches him.

:

 

[Piglet68]

Based on what you said, you can't talk to her without her getting mad at you.

You need to decide if this is the sort of environment you want your son exposed to, and whether it's worth it to have this person as a "friend".

To me, it would be like subjecting my kid to a disturbing movie on TV. I just won't put my kids in situations where they are exposed to parents treating their children that way.

 

[mamaduck]

Quote:

My friend has 22 months old and I noticed that if he does something bad they pinch him into his shoulder (well - almost neck)

Pretty sure that James Dobson specifically recommends this tactic. Wonder if that is where they got it?

I think its very wrong.

 

[phathui5]

I remember reading Dobson recommending it in an either Dare to Discipline or the Strong Willed Child.

 

[PikkuMyy]

How about giving her a suggestion to move him away and say "NO" in a very loud voice, followed by a replacement behavior. If he is hitting her, he has some reason - trying to get her attention, etc. and she can show him what to do instead.

If you save the "NO" in a very loud voice for times when you really mean it, children will take you seriously because they will know it is important.

 

[CortLong]

IMHO it's worse than spanking- but that's just me.

 

[nikirj]

My mom used to pinch us on the arms. It hurts like HECK and IMO, is worse than spanking. I'm pretty sure she did it because she didn't want people to think she was hurting us, it usually looked like she was just grabbing our arms. She did it all the way through our teenage years.

 

[Parker'smommy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Piglet68 IMO, using pain to manipulate a child's behaviour is rotten, no matter how that pain is inflicted. I doubt you're going to get much debate on that here.

I agree on both points!!

Yes, pinching is the same as spanking. It is using pain as punishment, not gentle at all!

 

[*Erin*]

definitely abusive behavior. that's a great point piglet made here

Quote:

Based on what you said, you can't talk to her without her getting mad at you. You need to decide if this is the sort of environment you want your son exposed to, and whether it's worth it to have this person as a "friend". To me, it would be like subjecting my kid to a disturbing movie on TV. I just won't put my kids in situations where they are exposed to parents treating their children that way.

i totally agree. sounds like there's not a whole lot you're going to tell her that she'll listen to, you know? so it becomes a situation where you have to decide if you can live with that kind of behavior.

 

[Alexander]

Are you sure you want to? Just because she is from the same country is not grounds for forming a relationship with another parent around which your child would be exposed.

Think into the future. How will that other child (who, by the way is being subjected to systematic torture) begin to treat your own child.

Have a frank ultimatum -now-. Confront her to stop, and if she refuses, or fails, cut the relationship.

Be ruthless about this. It is for your child's benefit.

a

 

[Yin Yang]

Well well.....thank you all for your responses.

I do have to say something though. I don't know if she'd get mad if I'd told her - I never said I was sure she would.
She is very kind and loving person to her son, despite of her pinching method of punishment. WE are all only humans and we all learn. She has never been "exposed" to AP parent before and she is very open and understanding person.

I am not gonna quit relationship with her just because of that. I don't think it's the only solution to leave someone when we don;t agree with something they do......it's kind of like in marriage, isn't?
You don't give up on someone because they don't know otherwise, do you?

Maybe that was the whole reason we have met....to show her, there are other ways.........

 

[Piglet68]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pavlina How can I talk to my friend without her getting mad at me? I hate situations like that....she is already sick of me talking to her constantly about natural childbirth, not letting CIO and stuff like that......

This is what led me to say what I did. You can try to talk to her if you like, of course, but based on this I'd say her response will be the same as with the other subjects.

A new friendship is hardly the same thing as a marriage. I would not subject my child to watching other children get screamed at or hit or pinched even for my husband's sake! I sure as heck wouldn't do it for some lady I barely know.

Look, maybe you could just say to her that you don't pinch and you don't want your child exposed to that, so could she just agree not to do that when you are together...that way you don't have to put it on her to agree she is wrong, etc...just respect your values...maybe that would work?

 

[DaryLLL]

From my research on Dobson today, I found he does, or at least did, rec "squeezing the trapezius muscle," ie: pinching the neck, as discipline.

Well, at least he is not as bad as Ezzo.

???

 

[*Erin*]

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaryLLL From my research on Dobson today, I found he does, or at least did, rec "squeezing the trapezius muscle," ie: pinching the neck, as discipline. Well, at least he is not as bad as Ezzo. ???

ugh. that's awful.