[readytobedone]

i was really happy with my nursing relationship up until a few weeks ago. DD has just recently gotten VERY touchy-feely with my breasts when she's nursing (and sometimes when she's not

). sometimes she pinches me on the breast VERY hard (which hurts); the rest of the time, it's just mild twiddling on the other side but i CAN'T STAND it

my question is, first--how do i phrase the rule to make her understand? the things that bother me are: any kind of pinching or grabbing (sometimes she will grab very hard and twist, like a "t!tty twister"), or any kind of touch that is on the boob she isn't nursing on (does that make sense?).

right now i am telling her, "no pinching. only gentle touch." BUT that doesn't account for the fact that some kinds of gentle touch are also "wrong"

--i do tell her "no touching the other side" (for some reason it doesn't bother me when she gently touches the side she is nursing on, but i HATE HATE HATE it when she dives into my bra on the other side!).

i can't figure out what to tell her. maybe "no touching the breast unless you're nursing on it, and then it has to be gentle"?? (i also want her to understand i don't want touches down my shirt and stuff when she's not nursing, esp. in public!!!).

also, regardless of how i handle this, will she outgrow it? i want to CLW, but i'm not going to be able to if she can't stop doing this.

 

[Gwen42]

Unfortunately, I don't think she will outgrow it, although ds (now 3yo) has learned what gentile touches are OK. I would firmly cover the other breast and say, "one milk for Ian, one milk for mama, would you like to trade?" This went along with sharing/trading that he was learning with toys & other things. Some moms give dc something to hold. That didn't really work for us, but I would often hold ds's hand and move it around to a song (like the itsy bitsy spider). I think it's important to teach respect and boundaries. It's my body & milk and I choose to share it with ds.

 

[AnalogWife]

Mine is 9 days younger than yours, he's not pinching but he's playing with the other one and it makes me cRAzY. I either cover it up with my hand or I offer him the one furthest from him (we're normally lying down at nursing time, mostly at night) and at that point he can't reach the other boob.

I have caught him touching his own nips when he's lying w/bottle with his dad (no flames please! Dad needs them!) in comfort, it's supercute.

 

[jessa810]

the twiddling is driving me crazy too! DS (20 mos.) will twiddle or sometimes just play with my other boob while he's nursing. sometimes he will switch back and forth so i have both sides of my nursing bra down. lately, and this is beginning to be worse than the twiddling, he will INSIST on holding on to a boob while he's falling asleep (we cosleep). so essentially I sit up in bed, nurse him (both sides) and then when I put him down he fidgets around until he feels my boob and then he drifts off. so not fun for mom. i've tried putting his blanket between us so he can still have something to hold but it doesn't work.
i really liked the pp about teaching respect and boundaries - i don't know why but i didn't view this as a learning opportunity, which clearly it is. thanks for sharing mamas!

 

[Mama~Love]

I feel your pain, literally. DD is 2, and she has this spot that she picks at on my breast that has a scar now. Drives me frickin' crazy, and if I try holding her hand, or covering it up, she throws a fit.

She pinches, hits, slaps, licks, hugs, & kisses them too.

 

[RockStarMom]

My daughter started this when she was around 1.5 and would flip out if I tried to stop it, so I let it continue, assuming it was just a phase. She's now 3.5 and still does it, and I think it's completely typical because her other 3.5 year old friends who are nursing do the same thing--and they ALL freak out if mom tries to stop it.

Sorry...I don't really have any advice, but it is normal if that makes you feel better.

 

[~Denise~]

Just like you would want your child to stop hurting or bothering another child, you want your child to learn not to hurt or bother you either. It's important that the child learns that certain behaviors are bothersome or painful and that it's not okay to do them.

Anytime DS (now 2) does something that I can't stand while nursing (biting/tugging with teeth, touching my other breast, kicking, etc.) I firmly but nicely whisper to him that if he "keeps ___-ing, there is no more nursing."

At first, he would look at me wide-eyed for a second

, and then start it back up again. I'd tell him a second time, then unlatch him. Obviously when I do this he generally protests or cries,

but I continue to hold him, and tell him "that hurts mommy" or "only touch the nurser (breast) you are nursing on, not the other one" or "mommy doesn't like it when you kick when we're nursing".

Then I offer a second chance: "Are you going to pinch or NOT pinch?" He'll say "NOT pinch/bite/kick"

, and I'll let him nurse again.

:

Granted, sometimes this takes a few restarts, and if it takes more than 2 (rarely 3), I'll unlatch him and set him down (so it's clear the session is over). Pretty rare that it goes that far, and if I do set him down, yes, it makes him really mad! But a two-year old is perfectly capable of understanding the request, and it's a really important social skill to understand that it is not okay to hurt people or do things that really bother them.

[There was one situation where I realized that he honestly didn't understand what I wanted him to stop doing: he squeezes my breast to get the milk to come faster, and sometimes he pinches me! I'd tell him to stop pinching, but he apparently thought tiny pinches hurt less than compressing with a full hand. So I had him practice doing "tiny pinches" and "big squeezes" on his own arm (with his own fingers) so he would understand which hurt more.

: Once that registered, he really cut back on the pinching.]

Oh, and if two minutes later he wants to nurse, I think that's plenty long for a two year old, and we start over fresh. . . . . Unless my nipples hurt

, in which case I'll tell him "mommy's nursers are too owie because [name] was biting. They are just sooo owie. They hurt so much from biting. Mommy will nurse [name] again when her nursers feel better, but right now they hurt too much for nursing. Do you want to have a drink of [cow milk] instead?" And he's usually pretty understanding.

 

[Theoretica]

OMG I hear ya mama...mine does this nipple ONLY pinch with her fingers that makes me want to SCREAM. Hurts sooooo bad. But she's 12 months...she doesn't get it yet...ARGH!

 

[Pumpkin_Pie]

My son started this when he was only about 9 months old. I very quickly started telling him was not allowed to twiddle. I would unlatch him when he started doing it, and tell him that it hurt and then give him a toy to hold and a second chance. If he did it again, I would unlatch him and walk away. It was so hard, and it felt very cold at the time, but it has kept my sanity, and preserved our nursing relationship.

Now at 2, he still occasionally attempts to twiddle, but I remind him that twiddling hurts, and his little hand flies back down to his lap, or over to the breast he is nursing from.

He has become very good at understanding what it means when I say that a particular side is hurting and he can't nurse from that side at that moment.

 

[PiePie]

same issue here. particularly acute at bedtime.

 

[mrsdocmartin]

Quote:

Originally Posted by readytobedone my question is, first--how do i phrase the rule to make her understand?

DS is doing the same thing right now and I SO know what you mean. What has worked with us is I tell him "you can only nurse with your mouth". When I say that, he'll usually repeat "mouth", and it at least stops it for a bit. Then I gently remind him again. It works great except for in the middle of the night. Then I grit my teeth.